


Paradise Lost

by ChrissyStriped



Series: Black Wings [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Anal Sex, Angels, Blood and Injury, Comrades in Arms, Corporal Punishment, Fae & Fairies, Gay Rights, Gen, Homophobia, Lies, Loyalty, M/M, Pining, Post-War, Rebirth, Revenge, Self-Blame, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:54:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 28
Words: 57,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23042083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChrissyStriped/pseuds/ChrissyStriped
Summary: After the war, Lucifer is lost in his grief for his fallen brothers and comrades, but while he hunts the surviving fae to take revenge, Michael wants to change the laws for the worse. Lucifer tries his best to stop it, but it might already be too late and when he stumbles across a secret that turns all he thought to know upside down, things get even more complicated.
Relationships: Lucifer/Azrael, Lucifer/Neynych, Lucifer/Raphael
Series: Black Wings [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1618258
Comments: 52
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

Lucifer bowed over the lake holding his matted hair back from his face. He scooped water with his free hand and let it run down his parched throat. His stomach ached, he hadn’t eaten more than a few early berries for days.

He saw the eyes a heartbeat before hands reached for him and pulled him underwater. He was tearing one of his hands free and reaching for one of the swords on his back while he was still falling. The lake was deep even at the shore and the water was so icy it knocked precious breath out of him.

The fae curled her long, snakelike body around him and pulled him deeper. One of his arms was held by her coils, the other – the one with the sword – she held in a bruising grip away from her body. Lucifer forced himself to keep his eyes open, the water burned, and dark spots started to dance around him. He squirmed desperately. Sometimes he had wondered if death would be a relief, but in this moment he knew that he wanted to live.

He suddenly stopped moving, let his body go slack. In the few moments the fae lost her tight grip around him, he ripped his dirk from its sheath and stabbed it into the first part of her body he could reach. The fae screamed a silent scream that vibrated in his bones, the coils of her tail falling away from his body. Lucifer grinned wickedly, forgetting about breathing. He followed her, stabbing the shoulder of the arm that held his sword arm and thrust his sword through her chest.

He watched her lifeless body sink down with hatred. Her blood was all around him, colouring the clear water red. His burning lungs forced him back to the surface. Gasping he pulled himself up the shore and lay there for a moment just breathing. A deep satisfaction took hold of him as he saw the watery blood on his weapons.

He hadn’t been able to save so many of his comrades, but he would take revenge for every single one of them and if he had to drag every fae still living from its hole. Lucifer laughed. He had a task now, a goal, he wouldn’t let himself drift any longer.

_Months later_

The humans of the village close by had built the fae a little altar in front of the cave he’d lived in. Lucifer looked down on the lifeless body of the fae. He almost looked like a human – or an angel – if you ignored the long, pointy ears. He had recognised him and the fear in his eyes had filled him with joy. He was making a name for himself among the surviving fae, they knew he was hunting them.

Lucifer pushed the altar over. It wasn’t the first time he saw humans worship fae. At least this one wouldn’t exploit ignorant humans. “This one’s for you, Naniel”, he murmured as he cut a notch in his belt – number thirty four. He didn’t walk back to the village, he didn’t want to fight with the humans when they realised he had killed their ‘god’. Lucifer knew that it should have been his duty to tell them about Jahwe, the one true god, but he couldn’t. He’d have to talk about the war and the memories of that still hurt too much. Lucifer looked up when he heard a gasp.

Tamiel’s relief that he had finally found Lucifer turned to horror when he took in his appearance. He looked like he had butchered something in that cave, his face and arms were covered in blood. Tamiel noticed how thin he was, his cheekbones standing out. His hair was matted, his clothes dirty and in rags.

Tamiel reached for his sword on instinct when Lucifer set his eyes on him – it were the eyes of a predator ready to jump on its prey. He waited a tense moment for his lord to recognise him. Cold sweat ran down Tamiel's back when the thought came to him, that he might not. “What do you want?”, Lucifer asked, his voice was hoarse, as if he didn’t use it much.

“We need you, Your Grace.” Tamiel made a step in his direction, but froze again when Lucifer’s eyes warned him to come any closer. “Who should need me?” Lucifer shook his head and turned away. Tamiel couldn’t believe it. What had happened to his lord?

“They want to illegalise us!”, he blurted out. Without Lucifer’s vote they wouldn’t have a chance. “What do you mean?” Lucifer had stopped but he didn’t turn around. “The archangels, they want to put a ban on homosexuality. They say it’s not Jahwe’s will.” Lucifer whirled around. “WHAT?”

“Have you grown mad?” Lucifer slammed the door in the face of Uriel’s secretary who had followed him, trying to hold him back. Uriel just lifted his eyebrows. Lucifer knew how he looked, covered in blood and grime. He had flown so quickly that he had left Tamiel far behind and come directly to the Star.

“Lucifer. What brings you here after vanishing for so long?” There was disapproval in his voice and it made Lucifer even more furious - partly because he knew he was right. “You can’t forbid anyone to desire who they want. You can not mean this!” Lucifer braced his hands on Uriel’s desk. “I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that Michael came up with this, but that _you_ go along with him...”

Uriel sighed heavily. “Why do you care. You were unreachable for Patris’s sorrows for years. Why now?” “Because I can’t allow you to turn my friends into criminals. _Why_ , Uriel?” “We had so high losses in the war, you know that. We need children, Lucifer, or we won’t recover.” “You sound as if we don’t have time left.” Lucifer huffed. “Did you forget that we are immortal?” Uriel massaged his temples. “It is not Jahwe’s will for men to have carnal knowledge of other men.”

“Does he talk with you again?” Lucifer couldn’t stop himself from hoping, it was possible, after all. He wasn't sure if he would like that, if it meant he had to give up his way of life. But Uriel shook his head. “Then how are you supposed to know that? He never admonished me for it.” “It were different times, Lucifer.” Uriel’s gaze was understanding. “I feel that it is important for our people to come back to its old strength soon.”

“A feeling.” Lucifer growled. “You want to illegalize our way of life because of a _feeling_?” “It is more than that.” Uriel sighed. “Please, Lucifer, you must understand. Something will come, I don’t know what, but it will _come_ and then we need to be ready. It’s just temporary.” Lucifer knew that Uriel sometimes had premonitions, but he refused to believe that this was necessary. “Temporary? Are you sure that Michael sees it the same way? I want to see the draft, tomorrow. You’ll find me at home.”

Lucifer slid his hand through his wet hair, freshly cut, and watched himself in the mirror. He almost didn’t recognise the face that looked back at him as his own. It might be the hair – he’d had to let it be cut close to his head because he hadn’t been able to disentangle it with a comb – but he knew it wasn’t all. He was thin, not a gram too much on his ribs. His clothes were loose where they had fit him perfectly before.

He wasn’t sure if it was right to wear the uniform when he didn’t intend to stay long. Lucifer sighed. Zaphriel had been so happy when he had seen him. He had taken command of the bodyguard, but he’d gladly cede it to him. Lucifer didn’t know if he wanted that – if he could. Who was he? He looked at the stranger in the mirror. He had never wanted to feel again, had never wanted to lose friends again.

But in leaving them to themselves he had made another mistake. Zaphriel was very capable of leading the bodyguard, but he couldn’t take his place in the Star – and he was none of them. If Lucifer had been here, he’d never have allowed that draft law to be written. Uriel had sent him a copy. Lucifer was afraid that he would only be able to do damage control.

Someone knocked softly at the door. “Yes?” “Will you come down for dinner, Lucifer, or do you want me to send something up?” Zaphriel stayed halfway in the hallway. He treated him like a raw egg... no, more like something that could explode any moment. Lucifer couldn’t blame him, he wasn’t used to be around people anymore. “I’m coming”, he answered with pounding heart before he could think better of it. "Lead the way."

The hall was surprisingly full, but the faces, that looked at him as he walked to his seat on the dais, were young. Too young. “We are trying to refill our ranks as best we can, but...” Zaphriel shrugged. “It’s going to take us decades, if not centuries, to find back to our old strength when it comes to experience. It’s good that you are back. Michael tried to take your command.”

Lucifer nodded mutely. He didn’t tell him that he wasn’t sure yet if he’d stay. It was noisy in the hall, the soldiers whispered – probably about him. Did they even know who he was? “Do they remember?” He knew that these angels had the souls of those who had fallen in battle, but he didn’t have experience with rebirth.

“More or less. The memory comes back slowly. They aren’t duplicates of their former self, although there are some here who served you in their old life.” “Not all?” Lucifer was surprised, he had expected that. “No. As I said, they have the memories of the dead, but they don’t necessarily continue their old lives.”

“Do you know anything about Gabriel and Raphael?” Lucifer hid his face in his cup to hide the tears threatening to spill. “They found Raphael, but he’s an infant. Gabriel is still missing.” The main course that was served at this moment, saved Lucifer from replying. There was a lump in his throat.

Lucifer glared at Michael across the table and Michael was paying him back in kind. “Please, my brothers.” Uriel came through his door. Lucifer turned to him, but only because he had seen another angel from the corner of his eye. “What is _he_ doing here?” Metatron sat down on a chair by the wall and gave him a look that told Lucifer exactly what he thought of him. Oh, perfect! ‘Gabriel, where are you?’ He’d have needed him so much now. He wouldn’t have put up with this insanity.

“He’s helping us. There were only two of us left, after all.” Uriel didn’t say it, but Lucifer felt that he was blaming him for it. “Jahwe spoke to him before he fell silent, so he seemed worthy.” Lucifer snorted, but he didn’t answer. If he had done is duty, Gabriel and Raphael wouldn’t have died. He’d accept Metatron, although he didn’t like him at first sight. Lucifer couldn’t explain why, but he didn’t trust him.

“You got the draft?”, Uriel asked to come back to the topic at hand. “Yes.” Lucifer had to restrain himself to not jump across the table and throttle Michael. That law carried his thumbprint. “Yes, I got it.” Lucifer forced his tense muscles to relax, he needed a clear head. “What you want to do is not right. You can’t punish us for something we can’t influence.”

“We punish them for not begetting children.” Michael smiled arrogantly, he had more pull and he knew it. “If they cooperate, nothing will happen to them. One child, Lucifer, that’s enough.” “No”, he growled. How could he agree to something like that? “I won’t force anyone to something I don’t intend to do. Publish a notice, so people know what you think, but don’t punish them if they don’t keep to it. Uriel, please.”

Uriel was worried for Lucifer. He was worried for Lucifer since the _war_. The death of his comrades had hit him hard and their brothers’ death had broken him. Uriel had grieved for them, too, but he knew that no one but the fae was at fault for their deaths. Lucifer was blaming himself and this self-imposed burden weakened him. They’d have needed a strong Lucifer so much. He was the counterweight to Michael. Their fights had annoyed Uriel endlessly in the past, but on his own Michael was even more intolerable. Uriel nodded his consent.

“Only a public notice, no consequences.” Lucifer slumped in relief, Michael gave him a withering look. Uriel sighed. He had dark premonitions, he felt it was necessary that they got their old strength back soon, but Lucifer was right. It was wrong to force this on anyone. They disbanded the meeting soon after. Uriel stopped Lucifer before he could leave.

“Are you going to stay?” Lucifer lowered his head. Uriel saw his thumb caress over the notched rim of his belt. “I’m not finished with the fae. They took two of my brothers and three hundred and fourteen comrades from me. And I’m going to make them pay for every fallen friend.” “So your revenge means more to you than your people?” Uriel knew that a lot of unresolved grief and self-blame spoke from Lucifer’s words, but he needed him to snap out of it. “We need you, Lucifer!”

Lucifer shook his head. “I lead them into catastrophe. There are only thirteen of my original men left. They deserve a better commander than me and Zaphriel is good at it.” “Do what you have to do to become yourself again.” Uriel laid his hands on his brother’s shoulders. “But don’t vanish again for so long. Come back now and then. I can’t stand against Michael alone.” “I’ll come back. Thank you, Uriel.” Uriel followed him with his eyes as he flew away. He hoped Lucifer would put this behind him soon.

“You are leaving us again?” Zaphriel looked unhappy. “But you belong here!” “I vowed to take revenge for every fallen comrade”, Lucifer answered. “I won’t stop now.” “Then let me come with you, Lucifer.” Lucifer shook his head, he couldn't take Zaphriel with him into danger. “You are needed here.” “Raziel can take command”, his friend said. Yes, his friend. He’d have liked to have him at his side, but not if he might die. “I don’t want to move you within range of death again.”

“I’m a soldier, Lucifer.” Zaphriel said with incomprehension in his voice. “It’s my calling. This revenge is mine, too. I’ll follow you if you want it or not.” “As will we.” Lucifer turned around and realised that the other twelve angels that remained of the original bodyguard had come up to them.

Tamiel smiled at him. “Did you think, we’d let you leave alone again?” Lucifer felt his throat lock up. “Fine”, he croaked. “Let’s avenge our fallen comrades.” He gave Raziel, who stood a little apart, a questioning look. “I’ll stay. Someone has to keep things running.” He stiffened when Lucifer embraced him. “Thank you, Raziel.” He looked at his men. “Thank you all. I hope, you won’t regret it.”


	2. Chapter 2

Lucifer’s senses were strung to breaking point. Zaphriel and the others had made camp on a glade close by but he needed a few moments for himself. Although they’d been travelling together for a while now, he hadn’t gotten used again to having people around himself.

Lucifer’s eyes wandered over the trees, he felt watched. Something was wrong. Again and again he thought to see movement from the corner of his eyes, but if he turned his head, nothing was there. His hand lay on the dirk on his belt. There was something, but what it was he couldn’t tell. When the movement flit through the edge of his vision again, he threw his dirk at it. Someone screamed.

Lucifer whirled around and tensed as he saw a shape peel from the trunk of a tree, the dirk had nailed its hand to the tree. The fae was taller than him, its skin dark and uneven, almost like bark. Tears stood in its large green eyes. Lucifer drew one of his swords and slowly walked closer.

“Why are you doing this?” The fae trembled, it knew it was dead. “Can’t you imagine? How many angels did you kill, monster?”, Lucifer groweld. “I just defended myself! You attacked us! We had to defend ourselves.” Hatred flashed in the fae’s eyes. “If you kill me, your companions will die. A thought of me is enough to kill you all.” Lucifer heard the branches rustle, although there was no wind, his blade lay at the fae’s neck, he made no motion. “Why don’t you kill me, if it’s so easy for you?” Was he only bluffing?

“Enough people died in that war. Why do you hate us so much? We didn’t do anything to you. We just wanted to get to know the humans.” Lucifer narrowed his eyes at it. “You did nothing you say?” A drop of amber blood ran down his blade. “You want to say you didn’t kill the angels already living in Eden?” The green eyes blinked so surprised that Lucifer felt something like dread rise in him.

“But that was one of yours. I saw it.” “What?” Lucifer’s voice almost broke. Slowly he sheathed his sword before yanking the dirk from the fae’s hand. “Tell me everything you think you know.” He wasn’t sure if he believed it or if it was just lying to save his life. But he wanted to hear what it had to say.

“I was one of those who wanted to meet the humans, but we looked so different from them that they were afraid of us. We kept our distance and watched them from afar. I’m tied to the trees, I feel everything that happens in the boundaries of my territory. I didn’t think much of it, when I saw the angel kill another, it is not unusual for my people to fight each other. If I had known that you fight us because you thought we had done this...” Real pain stood in the fae’s eyes. “So much blood needlessly spilled.”

Lucifer was distraught. This fae was so different from anything he had imagined and he couldn’t explain what the things it said meant. Jahwe had told them that the fae had killed angels, that they were a danger for the humans. Why should he have lied? Lucifer started to run, he ran and ran until his lungs burned and his muscles trembled. Until he was too exhausted to think.

Zaphriel jumped up when Lucifer finally stumbled into camp. He had been gone two days and still didn’t know what to think. “What happened? We were worried.” Lucifer squared his shoulders. He couldn’t tell his friends about it before he’d come to a decision. “It’s nothing. I encountered a fae, but everything’s fine.”

Zaphriel eyed him sharply but didn’t ask further. Lucifer sat at the fire and stared into the flames, they turned to the burning Eden in his mind. Michael’s fire hadn’t died out, it had sunk into the ground and was smouldering there. Eden was uninhabitable, thousands of angels dead – and for what? He never had questioned Jahwe’s orders, he was their maker and their Lord, he knew what was right. But if the fae had told the truth... Why had Jahwe wanted to obliterate the fae?

Lucifer shook his head. He had to talk again to the fae, he knew that, he just hadn’t been able to bring himself to seek it out. He stood up, angry with himself. “Maybe I’ll be gone a while”, he said to Zaphriel. “Do you want me to come with you?” The angel made to rise, but Lucifer shook his head. “I want to be alone.” He needed to know more before he told them.

Lucifer ran through the dense wood, searched for the place where he had met the fae. “Where are you?”, he said, while he slowed. “I want to talk to you.” He found the tree where he thought he could make out where his dirk had buried into the bark and waited. He already wanted to give up, when the fae stepped out of the trees as if it had sprung up from the ground. “What do you want to talk about?”

“Can you describe the angel who committed the crime we blamed you for?” The fae shook its head. “I know I said, I saw him, but that’s wrongly phrased. I wasn’t _there,_ the wood showed me. It is a gift that’s hard to explain to someone who doesn’t have it. I’d know him if I'd meet him.” Lucifer was a little disappointed. He had hoped to find the angel and question him.

“Will you tell me about your maker?” “Why?” The fae looked wary. “I think we were deceived and I’d like to know why. Maybe I’ll find an answer, if I find out more about your people.” The fae nodded. “Will youo tell me about the angels in return?” “Yes.” Lucifer offered it his hand. “Let’s start with introductions. I’m Lucifer.”

The fae had shaken his hand, but now he pulled its own back as if it’d been burned and stared at him. “Don’t you know that a name needs to be protected?” Lucifer shook his head confused. “But you have to know! The name is expression of the soul, it has absolute power over you. Every fae knows this!”

“I hear this for the first time.” Lucifer thought of the angels who had turned against their comrades in the war - the angel who had killed Raphael - they had claimed to have heard voices that compelled them to do it. That they hadn’t had a choice. Had the fae known the names of those men? “Forgive me, if I was impolite. But how should I call you.”

“You can call me Neynych. Do you want to come to my house. I think our conversation will take a while and it’s more comfortable there.” “Lead the way.” Lucifer wondered, if it was sensible to trust the fae, but if he didn’t trust him to not hurt him, how could he trust him to tell the truth?

Neynych’s house was a dome of young trees bent into shape, their branches interlaced. Inside was one big room. “I made all furniture from dead wood, I couldn’t kill a tree.” Lucifer sat on the offered chair and relaxed instinctively. The light, shining green through the living ceiling felt calming. Was that a trick of the fae? Lucifer reminded himself to stay alert. He wasn’t sure yet, if the fae was friend or foe.

“So, the Maker.” Neynych put a bowl with fruit on the table and motioning for Lucifer to serve himself. “He, whose name we do not say, had an exuberant imagination. He made us in many different shapes and delighted in our diversity. He often walked among us in the past. I had a few interesting conversations with him.” Lucifer stared at him. Jahwe had always only spoken to the archangels. “He showed himself to you? Physically?”

“Yes. He didn’t always look the same. He always took the shape he liked, but he lived among us. That seems to surprise you.” “Jahwe never showed himself to us in a body and he only talked to us archangels. We are five.” He could give him a bit of information, but he wouldn’t tell him how weakened they were. “The leaders of our people.”

“I think they... you know they are brothers?” Lucifer nodded. Jahwe had told them that at least. “I think your and the Maker are very different. My Lord told us that they parted ways after they made Eden and the humans, because it became harder and harder to come to a compromise. Sometimes he was very sad. I think their separation...” Neynych paled, a shiver ran through him and he swayed.

“What’s wrong?” Lucifer took his shoulders before he could fall over. His skin was gnarled and warm, it felt pleasant under Lucifer’s fingers. “One of your people shot a rabbit. I felt its death. That’s why I don’t eat meat and why I hate bloodshed, it almost drives me insane if someone dies close by.”

“Is that why you hesitated to make good on your threat when I attacked you?” Lucifer let go of him when he was sure he was steady again, but only hesitantly. He longed to find out how the fae felt in other spots. He made a fist to dispel the feeling of the bark on his palm. This was not helpful at all.

“Yes. I’d have done it, if you’d forced me, but I wouldn’t have liked it. I stayed out of the war, it would have driven me insane.” “I understand. So your maker told you about Jahwe? Is he still talking to you?” Lucifer had noticed that Neynych was speaking about him in past tense. The fae lowered his eyes, he didn’t say anything but it was answer enough. He looked like Lucifer felt each time Jahwe didn't answer. “Jahwe is silent, too.” He wasn’t sure if it was smart to tell him but he still did.

“He said, he needed to fight his brother – a brother he never had talked of before – and we haven’t heard from him since the war ended.” Where both of them dead? Could beings like them die? Lucifer was suddenly afraid. How should they live without Jahwe’s guidance. Michael was already trying to get his own way...

No! Lucifer’s anger flared up. Jahwe had lied to them and led them into a war. If Jahwe was dead, he deserved it and they had a chance now to live their own lives. “How many fae are left?” “I don’t know.” Neynych was lying, Lucifer heard, but he didn’t blame him. He didn’t trust him completely, either, but he was glad he hadn’t killed him. Lucifer stood up. “I have to go back or my comrades will get restless, but I’d like to meet you again.” “You are always welcome here, Lucifer.”

His comrades looked expectantly at him. He had called them together to tell them about his decision. “We won’t continue hunting fae”, Lucifer said. “We’ll only fight them if they attack us.” “And what about our revenge?” Zaphriel looked mutinous, the other angels grumbled.

“I talked to the fae who lives in this wood.” Lucifer lifted his hand to silence the outraged voices. “He at least is no bloodthirsty murderer. And he told me a different tale than what we heard from Jahwe. The fae didn’t hate us until we attacked them. He told me a few things that make me think we have been deceived.” Lucifer told them what Neynych had said. It was silent for a long while afterwards, they first needed to stomach this.

“You think Jahwe lied to us?”, Zaphriel finally asked. “But why should he do that?” Lucifer heard the same despair in his voice he still felt. Hoping the fae was lying... “He wanted us to fight the fae. We were dragged into the war of two beings much greater than us. We were his toys.” Lucifer clenched his fists. “He didn’t care if we died, he only used us to weaken his brother.” His comrades had died to please their Lord, but he hadn’t cared about them. “I renounce Jahwe! He doesn’t deserve my loyalty.” His comrades gasped.

“Lucifer!” Zaphriel looked like he expected him to be struck by lightning any moment. “How can you say that? What if he hears you!” Lucifer shook his head. “Either he is no longer interested in us, or he is dead. He’d have spoken to us long before if it were otherwise.” He took a deep breath. What he had to say now was hard, he liked to have his friends around him, but he wouldn’t force them.

“I’ll tell you now what I’m going to do, I won’t force you to follow me on my way, but I would be glad if you do. Everyone of you is free to do as he wants. First I will go back to Patris, I neglected my duties long enough. But I will come back here, I want to get to know the fae better. Maybe peace between us and them is possible. Take your time before you make your decision.”

“There’s nothing to reconsider, not for me.” Zaphriel patted his shoulder. “I’ll follow you everywhere.” Lucifer embraced him. "Take your time", he said again to the others. "I won't judge you, if you decide you can't follow me on this path."


	3. Chapter 3

Michael’s hand trembled as he knocked on the door. It was a small house, modest, the woman was a healer. A soulfinder had sent him here, Azrael’s soul had been reborn in this woman’s child. His old friend. Michael bit his lower lip, sometimes he missed him so much it hurt. A young woman opened the door. “Your Grace!” She curtsied deeply when she recognised him. “What can I do for you?”

“I’d like to see Azrael.” His mouth felt dry. “I’ll take you to my sister. Please follow me.” She led him down the stairs and through a door. Azrael’s mother sat in a rocking chair, the little angel in her arms. “The soulfinder told me that you would come, Your Grace.” Michael slowly moved closer. “I hope you are well, Tamielle. And this is little Azrael?” He gently caressed the baby’s cheep with his fingertip,

Tamielle smiled at him. “Would you like to hold him?” “Yes.” The little angel opened his eyes when he lifted him up and regarded him with concentration. It were blue baby eyes, they had nothing in common with the Azrael he had known and still Michael felt his heart beat quicker. “Welcome back, my friend”, he whispered.

“If you allow it, I’d like to visit him and please, let him have his.” Michael gave Tamielle back the child and pulled a necklace from his pocket. A metal lump was attached to a leather cord, it had been a part of Azrael’s molten armour. “He should know where he comes from.” Tamielle nodded. “He will have it and you are always welcome here.

“Come in.” Lucifer pushed the file on his desk aside. Uriel had been happy to see him and promptly heaped him with work, whenever he showed himself in Patris. The angel who came in was very young. “I’m Raphael”, he introduced himself. Lucifer had a cynic quip on his lips, the boy was barely twenty and by all accounts he was too young to have his memories back, but when he looked into his eyes, he realised he was wrong. He remembered, he _was_ Raphael.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you, brother.” Tears came to Lucifer’s eyes, his failure lay still heavy on him. Raphael shook his head and crossed the distance between them. “It was not your fault.” Lucifer froze when the boy took his face between his hands and kissed his forehead. “You did your duty as well as you could.” Lucifer sobbed, he felt his heart warm and the wound he had carried there for so long heal. Raphael, the Healer, had healed him, too.

“Thank you”, Lucifer whispered. “Thank you so much.” Raphael caressed his cheek. “We need you whole, Lucifer. Come back to us.” “I will, I am.” Lucifer waited until Raphael had left, then he locked his office at the tip of the Star and took flight. He needed to go home, to his people.

There was a new spring in Lucifer’s step as he walked through his house’s hallways. He was ready now. He was the Archangel Lucifer and he would fulfil his purpose. He hoped, Raziel wouldn’t take it amiss if he demoted him to his old rank. He found him at the drill ground where he oversaw the practice of a few young recruits.

The bodyguard had reached their old numbers again. Pain stabbed at his heart, when he thought of his many fallen comrades, but his self-loathing had vanished. He felt grief, but he was no longer blaming himself for their deaths. Raziel came over when he waved at him. “I’m back.” He didn’t have to say more, Raziel understood. A smile lighted the angel’s face.

“I’m glad to hear that.” Raziel removed the star-shaped brooch, that marked him as leader, from his uniform and pinned it on Lucifer’s chest. “I hope I led them to your satisfaction.” “You could never disappoint me, my friend.” Lucifer embraced him tightly. “I never thanked you for saving my life.”

Raziel shook his head. “How could I have let you die? And I didn’t expect your thanks when I realised you longed for death.” “I wasn’t a good leader in the last years.” Lucifer grimaced. “But that is over now. Can I count on you?” “Of course.” Raziel almost looked insulted. “I’m at your side, no matter what.”

~*~*~

“I’m sorry, I’m searching for Krasiel. Doesn’t he life here anymore?” Lucifer blinked surprised at the woman who had opened the door. “Oh, he does. My husband is at home. I’m Sirielle, Your Grace. Please, do come in.” Husband? Lucifer followed the woman, his thoughts reeling. Krasiel and a woman? She was pretty, doubtlessly, but he’d have bet his right wing that Krasiel had no interest in women.

She led him to the living room and said: “Please, get comfortable. I’ll tell Krasiel you are here.” Lucifer sat in an armchair and waited for his friend. What had happened? He had noticed the slight swell of Sirielle’s belly – she was pregnant. “Lucifer! How nice to see you. I didn’t know you were back. Where have you been all this time?” Krasiel shook his hand exuberantly. “What can I do for you?”

“Well... I think that became superfluous. Your _wife_?” Lucifer looked at him in disbelief. “A lot happened in the years you were gone.” Krasiel looked away. “If you don’t want to be shunned, you better have a family. I’m a merchant, Lucifer, I am dependant on people buying my wares. I can’t afford to show my sexuality openly.” “Does _she_ know.” “Yes, she is in a similar situation.”

Lucifer curled his lip. He’d never taken Krasiel for a coward, although he wasn’t a warrior. Krasiel’s eyes flashed. “Don’t dare to judge me, Lucifer”, he hissed. “You turned your back on Patris for years, you don’t know how it is now! You are independent, you can go your own way, but most of us don’t have that option. We only have the choice to adjust or be expelled from society.”

Lucifer’s heart clenched. He heard Krasiel’s unspoken reproach very clearly. He hadn’t been here when his friends needed him. He had hunted fae, although he knew what Michael planned. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to insult you.” He had underestimated the power of the majority. If enough people believed something was wrong, it became so and it didn't need a law for that. They were different and that was no longer tolerated.

Lucifer was in thought still at the conversation with Krasiel when he sat at council the next day. He had been lying awake the whole night and wondered what he could do. Finally, when dawn was already breaking, he realised it was too late. He had managed to ward off a ban, but he couldn’t control people’s minds. Maybe it was because the new generation grew up in the belief that only men and women could love each other, that everything else was unnatural. He knew where these words came from, but he had no way to shut Michael up.

“Are you going to stay for longer, Lucifer?”, Uriel asked. He hadn’t yet given him a definitive answer. “Yes, I’m here to stay.” Maybe he couldn’t do something right now, but he wouldn’t hide and maybe other times would come again. “Although I’ll visit the New World now and then.” He had decided not to talk about the fae right now. It was too early. “As you address the topic yourself. We want to send angels there, now that we slowly become more again.”

“I read the paper, yes. I think it is a good idea and about time. Some of the fae who got away make the humans worship them. It’s time that we remind them that it is Jahwe who deserves worship.” Lucifer didn’t talk with as much conviction as he would have before his conversation with Neynych, but he still meant it. He had lost his trust in Jahwe, but he didn’t want to leave the humans to the fae either. “But I don’t think you should send warriors. The humans shouldn’t fear us.”

“Maybe we’ll have to deal with fae”, Metatron answered, who would lead the operation. “We should be able to withstand them. You know how it is there, you’ve lived there long enough.” “Yes, and I had to chase down ever fae I killed. There are not many of them left. I think it unnecessary to send soldiers.” “Why haven’t you already started to convert the humans?”, Michael asked accusingly.

“I had other things on my mind", Lucifer growled. "And as I said, I wouldn’t send soldiers. What do you think, I am?” Before Michael could answer his question with an insult, Raphael began to speak. Lucifer hadn't yet got used to him looking so young but speaking like a much wiser person. “Lucifer might have a point. We could mix the company to help the humans better. I’ll ask if some of my healers would like to go. We should send angels from every profession that could be helpful to the humans.”

“That sounds reasonable.” Uriel nodded. “But we shouldn’t leave our envoys vulnerable, either.” “Of course not”, Lucifer agreed, he was very pleased with this compromise and smiled appreciatively at Raphael. The boy smiled back. "Do we know anything about Gabriel?”, Lucifer asked Uriel. “What do the soulfinders say.” Raphael was almost a grown man. Where was his friend? Uriel frowned at him. “He’s been found, a few years ago.”

“ _What?_ And you didn’t think it necessary to tell me?” Lucifer glared at Uriel. He’d thought he was his friend. “I did! I know I wrote you a message. You must have overlooked it.” “Surely not! I couldn’t overlook the news that my best friend was reborn!” “Peace, brothers”, Raphael said gently. “There surely is a reason for it, maybe it got misplaced on the way to Lucifer.” Lucifer grumbled to himself, but Raphael was probably right. Uriel wouldn’t keep something like this from him.


	4. Chapter 4

Azrael shifted nervously from one foot to the other. Lucifer made him wait. He’d already been to the headquarters of the bodyguard, but the angel he had met there, Raziel, had told him they were complete. “If you want to be a soldier, go to Michael.” But Azrael didn’t want that, he wanted to serve Lucifer. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to be a soldier, but he knew he belonged with Lucifer. He didn’t know where that certainty came from.

For a long time he had been sure that one day he’d be Michael’s man. He had served him in his first life and Michael had kept in touch all through his childhood. He touched the pendant he wore around his neck. Michael would be a good choice, if there weren’t that one thing...

And his mother would have loved to see him becoming an apprentice of Raphael. She was one of his healers and adored him. Although he was only a couple of years older than Azrael, he had all his memories back. Azrael wondered with a sigh when it would happen for him.

“Are you still sitting here? Quite persistent.” Azrael jumped when Lucifer suddenly opened his door and looked at him. “Please, Your Grace, I just need a moment of your time. My name is Azrael, and I would like to enter your service.” “Apply to Raziel.” Lucifer walked past him. “I already did!” Azrael followed him down the hallway. “He says you have enough men.” “Then the matter should be settled. If you want to be a soldier, ask Michael.”

“Raziel said the same, but I don’t want to serve Michael!”, Azrael said heatedly. “I want to serve you! If not as a soldier, maybe I could be of service to you in another way.” Lucifer huffed impatiently. “How old are you, boy?” “Twenty. I have to decide soon, what I want to do with my life, my mother says.” Azrael nervously fiddled with the seam of his sleeve.

“Do you remember?” Lucifer stopped and turned around, watching him intently with his blue eyes. “No, Your Grace.” Azrael blushed, embarrassed. “Well then, leave it be, boy. Once you remember, you’ll be grateful that I refused you.”

~*~*~

Gabriel stood in the entrance hall of the Star and looked around in awe. It didn’t matter how often he came here, the height of the hall and the atmosphere of the building always filled him with awe. He'd known for a long time that he was an archangel. He had a place among the leaders of their people and today was the day.

Gabriel gulped when he remembered that his summoning was based on a lie. But he was already in his twenties, he should have his memories back by now. Everyone had expected him to remember earlier, like Raphael. Would Uriel, who could look into the hearts of everyone, notice? He forced a smile on his lips when Uriel approached him.

“My brother.” Uriel embraced him. “We all longed for this day.” Gabriel sighed in relief. For years he had socialized with those who had served Gabriel before. He had been readied for his task. Two years ago, Kuriel had started to instruct him in their laws, his education was far from finished, but Gabriel was sure he would be able to keep up appearances. He had found out a lot about the archangel Gabriel by asking skilful questions, things that would be seen as his memories.

He didn’t want to lie to his brothers and he felt bad because of it, but he’d disappoint them if they had to wait any longer. He was ready for his task. Uriel led him outside and grinned at him when he saw his confused look. “Our brothers want to greet you in a proper setting.” He spread his wings and Gabriel’s feelings of guilt were blown away by a thrill of anticipation. He would see the uppermost floor of the Star for the first time.

Uriel didn’t talk while they circled upward and Gabriel was alone in his thoughts. The wind rushed through his hair and feathers and he felt optimistic. His memories would come back and until then he could perform his duties without them. They alighted on the platform between two of the rays, Uriel gave a key with intricate bit to him and led him to one of the two doors. “Behind that is your private office, I’ll see you on the other side.”

Uriel smiled happily and turned to the other ray. Gabriel’s fingers trembled when he unlocked the door and entered the room behind it. A desk of dark wood stood inside, a bookshelf next to it. Gabriel recognised Jahwe’s laws and the leather-bound Contemplations of Tamriel. There was not a grain of dust on any of the surfaces, as if no time had passed since he'd last been here. He felt comfortable here and relaxed, he had spent many hours here, he felt it – an echo of his memories?

Gabriel shook his head. He was being expected, he shouldn’t dawdle. He straightened his shoulders and opened the second door into the sanctum. He held his breath when he stepped into the most important place of their people. In the middle of the room stood a five-sided table, a side for each archangel, inlaid with a star made of jewels that reflected the colours of each archangel. Golden light fell through the dome of amber.

Gabriel walked hesitantly to his place and stroked the sapphire that was his stone. Lucifer stood across of him. Open happiness in his face. Gabriel knew that he spent a lot of time in the New World, every child knew the story of the notches in his belt. Had he come just for him?

Uriel laid a book before him. “This is a copy of Jahwe’s law, we know of course that you already own this book, but it seemed a proper gift for your assumption of office.” Gabriel opened the book and took a deep breath. Yes, he owned this, more than once, but this copy was the most beautiful he had ever seen. The initials of every paragraph were coloured and ornate, the pages illuminated. “Thank you so much. It is beautiful.” He looked each of them in the eyes and the happiness he saw there for having him back let tears come to his eyes. This was where he belonged, this was his family.

Lucifer’s heart had beat quicker at Gabriel’s sight, he looked a lot like the old Gabriel – blond and blue-eyed – but so very young. He’d been at his mother’s house once, shortly after he’d found out about his rebirth but he hadn’t yet talked to him. Back then Gabriel’s mother had asked him to no intrude on Gabriel’s carefree childhood. It had been the hardest thing he’d done in a while to leave again, but he’d understood her. Gabriel had to take command soon enough, let him have his childhood.

Even now he looked too young to bear that burden in Lucifer’s eyes, but he had his memories back, he would manage. Lucifer smiled at the joy on Gabriel's face when he looked at their present. They didn't have anything special to discuss today, this was simply to welcom their brother and so they parted soon after. Lucifer leaned against the door of his office and allowed himself a moment to dream that maybe now everything would become better.

Maybe Gabriel would even like to take up their old relationship again – but one step at a time. The boy had enough to worry about and he wanted to meet with Neynych again soon. But first he had his own gift for his old friend. He took the bow from his desk and flew around the tower. Gabriel opened at his knock, his eyes nervous.

Lucifer smiled, he had said that he had only started to remember, it had to be so confusing. No, he would wait, he didn’t want to overwhelm him. “I have another gift for you.” Lucifer offered him the bow. “I don’t know if you are shooting, but you were very good at it.” “I know.” Gabriel accepted the gift with shining eyes. Lucifer couldn’t stop himself from caressing his palm when their hands touched. “I didn’t have time yet to develop this skill, but I always wanted to. Thank you.”

“You are welcome, brother.” Lucifer knew he was grinning but he couldn’t stop himself, he was so very happy. “I’m so glad that you are back. Once I’m back from my travel to the New World, we should meet in private.” “You are going back?” Lucifer nodded. “I have something to do there, but I’ll come back soon.”

Lucifer rolled his eyes when he saw Azrael standing before his office door – again. Then he chuckled. He had to give him that, he was persistent and he always knew when he would be at the Star. If he hadn't born _that_ name... but he wouldn’t saddle himself with this problem.

“No, Azrael”, he said before the boy could open his mouth. “And I won’t change my mind. Besides, I won’t be in Patris for a while, so never mind coming here.” “Where are you going?” The boy sounded worried. “To the New World.” Azrael’s eyes lighted up. “Can I come?” “No!” Lucifer threw him an exasperated look. “Why don’t you find someone else you can bug? I’m not available anymore.”

“How long will you be gone?” “I don’t know, yet. For a while.” Gaining Neynych's trust would be the first step to find out more about the fae and find out if there could be peace. Lucifer hoped the boy would have gotten that obsession with him out of his system by then. Or his memory back, that would be best for them. He pushed the soft pain away that came to his heart when he thought of this eager face looking at him with dislike.

Azrael’s mother already waited for him when he came home. “I’ve been looking for you, where have you been?”, she scolded. It was already dark outside, Azrael hadn’t felt like coming home after the disheartening news. Lucifer was leaving Patris again and he knew he had finally to admit to himself, that he would never accept his services. “Do you really think, Raphael would train me?”, he asked.

Mother’s face lit up with happiness. “Of course! You can come with me tomorrow and we’ll settle it.” Azrael nodded resigned, he had no other choice now, and walked downstairs to his room. “Aren’t you hungry?”, Mother called after him. “No”, Azrael answered downcast. He had no desire for company and he had a little hoard in his room.

Azrael walked through his room and opened the terrace door to the small, fenced garden that was his alone. It had started years ago with one flower he had found at the wayside and dug out. Not a usual pastime for a young boy, but gardening calmed him. He lighted a lamp and busied himself a while with watering the plants and cutting off dried up blooms. He felt better when he went back into his room, but he was still restless.

Tomorrow, his dream of serving Lucifer would be over for good and with that came a whole new set of problems. Raphael was nice and he supposed he could learn to be a healer, but if he didn’t watch out, Mother would try to pair him off with a girl from her wide circle of acquaintances – she had already made hints.

Azrael flopped down on the bed. He didn’t know what to do. He simply wasn’t interested in girls – not in that way at least. A man like Lucifer was more to his taste. At the last festival they celebrated each year at the day of their victory over the fae, Lucifer had done an show fight with one of his men – bare-chested. Azrael hadn’t been able to take his eyes off him.

Now he closed his eyes and summoned the memory. Lucifer’s muscles moved sleekly under his skin, covered in sweat. Azrael slid his hand into his trousers and stroked himself slowly. He moaned softly as he imagined licking the sweat off Lucifer’s chest. Lucifer bowed over him, pushed his thighs open... Azrael tugged on his nipple, pleasure shooting through his body. Lucifer bit his neck as he entered him, his hard thrusts rocking Azrael’s body. He arched his back as he came over his hand.

He lay in the darkness, breathing heavily, then he laughed bitterly. If Lucifer didn’t even want him as a follower, he surely wouldn’t want him as a lover. He was only a pesky child in his eyes. Azrael listened for the sounds his mother made on the floor above him. She would go to bed soon and once she slept, he would sneak out through the garden. He needed someone real tonight.

He was almost dying of fear every time he went to the house where his kind met, it was a sin. Azrael shuddered, his mother would kill him, if she ever found out and if not her, someone else would see to it. He’d heard about people being beat up because they were suspected to be gay. Azrael longed to have more courage, like Lucifer and some of his people. They didn’t hide their inclinations and no one dared to even look askance at them. Azrael didn’t understand it. If even an archangel was like him, how could it be a sin?

The noises from upstairs had died down. Azrael waited for a while longer to be sure his mother slept, then he dressed and snuck out. It was late, no one was on the streets, almost all windows were dark. It wasn’t far and Azrael walked. Flying was hard for him, his wings were too small. Most angels had wing-spans of four metres and more, he had barely three. He could fly, but it was exhausting and taking off was difficult. If he could get somewhere walking, he did.

Twice short, thrice long and then five times short-long in turns. Azrael concentrated to do the secret knock right. A moment later the door was opened to him. “Come in.” The angel examined him sceptically. “Aren’t you a bit young?” “No.” Azrael glared at him. “I’m of age and not here for the first time.” “All right.” He lifted his hand soothingly. “I didn’t intend to insult you. I’m Nenniel.” “Azrael.” Azrael shook the offered hand and walked into the guestroom.

In daytime the _Leaf and Tree_ was a flourishing inn, but only a few people knew what happened here at night. It was crowded today. While Azrael strolled to the bar, he let his gaze wander, knowing that he was scrutinized, too. Soon he found who he was looking for. The angel was a few years older than him, he had freckles and curly red hair. He ordered a cup of wine before walking over to him.

“Good evening, Azrael”, Cassiel said when he noticed him. “Good evening, Cassiel. Is it your free day?” Cassiel worked at the _Leaf and Tree_ during the day. “Yes.” Cassiel’s hand caressed his bare spine. Azrael had chosen an shirt that had a back made only of laces. “Will you come with me? It’s so crowded here, we can enjoy our drinks in intimate togetherness.” Cassiel’s breath was warm on Azrael’s ear.

“With the greatest pleasure.” Azrael followed Cassiel through the crowd. A few musicians had started to play, that explained the many angels. They didn’t have music often. Cassiel led him down to the rooms on the first floor. The inn’s owner rented them by the hour, but it had its perks to be the lover of one of the waiters. Cassiel unlocked a room and even before they had stepped over the threshold, they were locked in a passionate kiss.

At tug on the knot was enough to rid Azrael of his shirt and his trousers followed immediately. Azrael kissed Cassiel’s shoulders as he helped him to undress. He licked the freckles before biting his neck and shivered in anticipation when Cassiel moaned.

Azrael suppressed a yawn while he followed his mother through the hospital. It was far too early for having had so little sleep. He tugged at the scarf around his neck that hid the marks there. His mother would want to be introduced to ‘her’, if she saw them. Azrael shook himself and concentrated on the problem at hand. Although it was still almost dark outside, the hospital was bustling with activity.

They found Raphael at the bed of a little boy. Mother motioned for Azrael to wait until Raphael had finished his examination. “Tamielle, good morning.” Raphael smiled at her and turned to Azrael. "What can I do for you?” Mother laid his hand on his back so he stepped forward. “Azrael would like to become an apprentice in the hospital, Your Grace.”

“Ah, good. Welcome, Azrael.” Raphael shook his hand. “I would like to talk with him alone for a moment, Tamielle.” “Of course, Your Grace.” Mother bowed and left them. “Will you accompany me on my round?” “Gladly, Your Grace.” Azrael sighed under his breath. Raphael looked at him with a gaze that looked deeply into his heart. “Are you here of your own wish or because your mother wants it that way?"

“I...” Azrael didn’t know how to answer that question. “I’m here because I hope this profession will satisfy me.” “Do you remember your past?” “No, Your Grace.” Azrael looked away, but Raphael laid his hand on his shoulder and said: “Don’t be ashamed of that. It will come. Here you will be taught everything we know about the art of healing, but if you decide that it is not the right thing for you, I won’t force you to stay.”

“Thank you.” Azrael returned the friendly smile. Raphael was only ten years older than him, but he felt so wise. It was said that his first memories had come back to him when he was still a child. But he was an archangel, he was meant to lead their people, it was different for him.

Azrael spent the whole day in Raphael’s company. The Healer took him along to his patients and explained patiently what he was doing. Azrael was exhausted, when he fell into bed that night, but he thought that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to serve Raphael. He liked the archangel and he liked the plants that were used to heal, although he would have chosen another way if he could have.


	5. Chapter 5

“Good afternoon, Your Grace.” Azrael bowed to Michael as he entered his office, his fists clenched to hide that they were shaking. “Good afternoon, Azrael.” Michael’s smile froze when he saw the livery he was wearing. “I’m sorry, Your Grace. I... I wanted to tell you myself that I entered Raphael’s service.” He was afraid of Michael’s reaction, but Azrael knew that he deserved hearing this from him. Michael had been so good to him and he’d liked him. It had taken him some time to come up with the courage to talk to him.

“But why?” Michael looked heartstricken. “It feels right”, Azrael whispered and it wasn’t a complete lie, learning from Raphael was marvellous, Michael didn’t need to know, that his first choice would have been Lucifer. “I know you wanted me to be one of your soldiers. I know the old Azrael was your friend. You did so many good things for me. I didn’t want to repay you with being ungrateful. I’m sorry.” He waited tensely for Michael’s answer, looking down on his feet, but Michael remained silent.

“You don’t remember yet, do you?”, he said suddenly and Azrael nodded. “Good. I know your mother is one of Raphael’s healers and I can understand that it might seem a good profession to you. But once you remember”, Azrael looked up at the hope in Michael’s voice, “once you remember think about it again. I’m sure Raphael will let you go, if you change your mind. I’m not angry with you, Azrael.”

Azrael nodded. “Thank you, Your Grace.” He felt tears prick at his eyes because he knew that would never happen. He couldn’t! He couldn’t serve Michael if it meant to constantly lie to him about his nature. Michael thought, that nature could be changed, but Azrael had always known in the depth of his soul that he just was that way and no amount of re-education would change it.

~*~*~

Neynych emerged from the trees and sat down at the fire beside Lucifer, who was eating some piece of meat. Out of consideration for Neynych they undertook long ways to go hunting, so he didn’t need to feel the death. Neynych was grateful. He had come to like Lucifer and the angel that were with him. He’d even call them friends and was always happy when they came to visit. But still he had kept the biggest secret of his people to himself.

“My favourite fae!” Lucifer kissed his cheek and Neynych blushed. “I got the feeling, that you liked Malon well enough.” He had started to introduce him to some fae he knew who weren’t averse to making peace. They’d support his petition to the king. But first he’d have to confess to Lucifer that there still _was_ a fae king and he feared the archangel wouldn’t be happy.

“Yes, you are right.” Lucifer grinned at him, but when he noticed his mood, he became serious. “What’s wrong? Did something happen? Did Metatron and his people...” “No, that’s not it.” The other angel and his followers killed fae wherever they caught them, much like Lucifer had done before, but Neynych feared that those angels couldn’t be talked out of it. He wondered if peace was really possible. But if he didn’t trust Lucifer...

“I’d like to acquaint you with my king”, he said before he could think better of it. “I still have to ask him if he’ll receive you, but I wanted to already tell you.” “That would be wonderful!” Lucifer smiled at him. “Another step to a better understanding between our people.”

Neynych grimaced. “Well, I’m not sure you’ll find him very obliging. And there’s something else...” His hands trembled. “The fae who live here are only a part of us. The others live in Eden.” Lucifer lifted his eyebrow. “But Eden is uninhabitable.” “Above ground, yes. You’ll understand when you see it.” “Eden...” Neynych couldn’t imagine what Lucifer felt. He’d lost so many friends there.

Lucifer felt anger that Neynych had kept this information from him, but he understood why. He hadn’t told Neynych too much about their strength either. He knew that it was a show of trust that he told him _now._ Eden. Where their old lives had broken down. Once he’d talked to the fae king, he’d speak with his brothers. It would be more than difficult, but if he didn’t manage to convince them of Jahwe’s betrayal, they’d never have peace.

He was curious about the king, Neynych had sometimes mentioned that there once had been one, but he'd never gone into detail. “When, do you think can we meet him?” Neynych seemed surprised that he didn’t give him a hard time about Eden, but he didn’t want to fight. They both kept secrets. “I’m afraid you’ll have to leave your men behind, if I can achieve an appointment. The king is wary, he won’t accept more angels than necessary at his court. I can’t tell you how long it will take. Do you have to leave?”

Lucifer nodded. “I’ve been gone too long again. It’s just that I love this world so much.” Neynych smiled. “You do? I always thought you were just here to kill fae.” Lucifer shook his head. “No, not only that. This world is beautiful. I like it here. I’ll leave a few of my men behind so you can contact me, if something moves along.” He didn’t like that he should meet the fae king without his men’s support, but he knew it would achieve nothing to argue with Neynych, his friend had no influence on it. And nothing was decided yet, anyway.

~*~*~

Gabriel looked up from the documents he was working through and smiled when Michael came in. “I have bad news”, his friend said. “Lucifer is back.” “But isn’t that a good thing? It means we are whole.” Gabriel had liked Lucifer right away when they’d first met, he’d hoped to talk to him again, but Lucifer had left right after and it had been weeks since then.

Michael shook his head. “He’s always been a troublemaker, but it got worse after the war. He only does what seems right to him and interprets Jahwe’s law at his convenience.” Gabriel nodded, though he wasn’t completely convinced. Michael had taken him under his wing, had helped him to orient himself – and he picked Lucifer to pieces whenever he could. Gabriel trusted him, although his heart told him that he should want Lucifer’s friendship. Michael knew what he was talking about, he knew him much better than Gabriel.

“It’s a bad time for him to come back, I’d hoped the new law to be out before he did. He’s going to vehemently speak against it.” “I heard something like that.” Gabriel shook himself. The thought of being intimate with a man repulsed him. He wasn’t surprised that Jahwe had forbidden it. That an archangel let himself be seduced to it... “But we need to punish this sin. It can’t be that angels break Jahwe’s law more or less openly and not be taken to account for it.”

“What I’m saying!” A pleased smile flit over Michael’s face. “But I’ve always been outvoted, when I suggested to punish it harder.” “I’ll change that. To defend Jahwe’s law is my cause now. I don’t understand why the others are so against it!” “They are soft.” Michael shrugged. “Raphael is against everything that would hurt someone and Uriel still remembers a time when this sin was not recognised as that.”

Gabriel stared at him wide-eyed. “You mean, it was _allowed_ in the past?” He couldn’t imagine that. “Yes, as unbelievable as it seems.” Michael looked seriously at him. “I know you wanted to bring it up at our next meeting, but I’d advice to wait with changing this until Lucifer vanishes the next time. He could give you a lot of trouble.”

“Out of the question!” Gabriel puffed up. He would let no one meddle with his area of responsibility. “This is my task and he is not going to interfere in my affairs or he’ll feel my displeasure – archangel or not!” “As you think fit. I just wanted to warn you.” Gabriel nodded, an uncomfortable feeling in his belly. Why was Lucifer not on their side? Shouldn’t they all be in accord?


	6. Chapter 6

Lucifer looked unhappily at the pile of papers on his desk. He’d pushed this backwards as long as he could. He had visited his soldiers, drilled them and afterwards talked to a few of them. Before the war he had known each of his men by name and he felt like he should do so again. So many new faces, some he had known in their old life but many more were newly come to the bodyguard in their second life.

They were in awe of him, his long absences had made him almost a figure of legend and he wasn’t sure if that wasn’t actually a good thing. The distance it put between them felt save, he would grieve if anything happened to them, but maybe not as much as he’d had after the war.

Lucifer sighed and reached for the first folder, Uriel's notes he sent him to keep him updated. They’d decided to hide their wings, when the talked to humans, because the humans tended to be too much in awe of them and not understand that it was Jahwe they should worship. Well, he hadn’t that much to do with humans anyway and he didn’t intend to tell any of them about Jahwe.

He hissed a curse when he read the next line. Gabriel had always held Jahwe’s laws in veneration, could he really not see that what Michael proclaimed to be true about the sinfulness of same-sex relationships was not Jahwe’s will? Didn’t he know he’d been one of them? Shouldn't he still be? The old Gabriel would have never made this law.

Everyone told him that reborn angels weren’t an exact copy of the person they’d been in their first live, but until now he hadn’t really believed that. Could Gabriel really be that different? Could he believe that what they’d shared had been against Jahwe’s will and he’d never told them?

Lucifer was glad that he’d read the note before seeing Gabriel again or he might have made a grave mistake. He needed to talk to Uriel immediately. Something was very wrong. What had happened to Gabriel? Lucifer suspected Michael to be involved in this.

“What happened to Gabriel?” Lucifer saw Uriel tense when he asked the question. They had chatted for a while, Lucifer had talked about the New World though he didn’t tell him about the fae, not yet. He’d have to approach the topic eventually and most likely with Uriel, but he had decided to wait a while longer, until he had met the fae king.

“Death.” Uriel answered. “He is different now, like so many of the reborn.” Uriel shrugged, but he looked uncomfortable, too. “He keeps strictly to the law, allows no deviance from it.” “He is close to Michael, isn’t he?”, Lucifer growled. “Yes, they are friends.” Lucifer huffed. “Are you sure that Michael isn’t just trying to manipulate him?”

“Gabriel is very young, but he has his own mind. He is very dutiful and he remembers, after all.” “But if he remembers, I don’t understand why...” Lucifer shook his head. “Why does he want to make this law? Gabriel is one of us! He _must_ know that Jahwe never forbade people of the same sex to have intercourse.”

“He _was_ one of you.” Uriel laid his hand on his shoulder in sympathy. “He is different now”, he repeated. “Be careful, Lucifer. I don’t think he would spare you, if you are caught breaking the law – any law. I understand that you feel wronged, but it’s done. He won’t let you intervene with his responsibilities. I don’t want to see you getting hurt.”

Lucifer clenched his teeth, but he didn’t answer. He knew it was no use to fight with Uriel about it, he couldn’t change anything. “We’ll see.” Lucifer stood up. “We meet at five, don’t forget”, Uriel reminded him and Lucifer nodded. He wouldn’t forget, he wanted to see Gabriel in action. He wanted to see if there really was nothing left of his friend.

Seeing Gabriel was always a shock, it was disconcerting how similar he looked to his old self. How could he look like him, but not act like him? Lucifer blinked and tried to not stare at him too openly. When their eyes met, Gabriel blushed and quickly looked away. Lucifer wondered how complete his memories were. Did he remember how close they had been? While they talked, Lucifer noticed how much Gabriel let himself be guided by Michaels opinion.

‘You arranged that perfectly, brother, didn’t you?’, he thought cynically. Uriel was occupied with administrative work, Raphael taken up with his work at the hospital and he was so often gone. Lucifer knew that it was mostly his fault. He almost pitied Gabriel. He probably was so strict because he wanted to do everything right. The pity didn’t last long. He gripped the armrests of his chair when Gabriel said: “I want to announce a new law against fornication. It’s not acceptable that something that every decent person knows to be against Jahwe’s will is not punished. From this day on, any person who is found guilty of this crime will be imprisoned for a year.”

Gabriel’s eyes were hard, his demeanour had changed when he started to speak. “You can’t be serious!”, Lucifer snapped at him. “You are destroying lives with this!” “You have no children, Lucifer, am I right about that?”, Gabriel asked coldly. Uriel kicked his shin under the table to warn him to hold his tongue. “My life is no business of yours, whelp”, Lucifer growled through gritted teeth.

“As long as you adhere to the law.” Gabriel’s eyes burned with rigetousness and dislike. Had Michael inculcated that in him or was it disgust for the memory of their mutual alleged crime. “I adhere to _Jahwe’s_ law”, Lucifer growled. “Well, that’s good then. The adition to the law will be read on the main square tomorrow and posted at every notice board.” Gabriel sat. Lucifer felt so helpless. What use was peace with the fae, if he and his friends weren’t able to live as they wanted? He wanted to hit something.

Lucifer's knuckles burned, when he knocked at the door, he had hit the wall of his office repeatedly to get the anger out of his system. He wondered how Dariel had managed to hide the goings on from Gabriel, but the _Leaf and Tree_ was still here, though he’d obviously managed. There was a crowd, that was good. He had gotten them in this mess, it was only right to give them the bad news personally. Would it be possible to keep this place a secret for much longer?

Lucifer walked through the crowd, he knew some of the angels here, but much more were strangers. He was one of them. He should have protected them better. “I need to tell something to everyone”, he said to Dariel, once he’d managed to get to the bar. The smile that had come to Dariel’s face when he’d seen him, vanished. “Nothing good, I see.” Lucifer shook his head and hopped onto the bar.

“I have bad news.” He didn’t need to raise his voice much, the people had turned silent, when they saw him. “Dark times are coming for us. Gabriel has made what we do here punishable. From now on, everyone who comes here, risks imprisonment. I’m so very sorry. I wish, I’d defended you better, but he has made up his mind. I just want to let you know, that I’m one of you and nothing will change that. Be very careful, whom you trust, but never start to believe that what we feel is wrong. Jahwe made us this way, my brother errs, I can only hope, he’ll realise that someday.”

His gaze caught on a familiar face. Azrael was pale as death and looked like he’d throw up any moment. Lucifer was surprised to see him here. Another proof that nothing was as it had been. He climbed off the bar and ordered something strong. “Is it really that bad?”, Dariel asked. “Worse than bad.” Lucifer gulped down his drink and held the glass to the angel for a refill. “You really should contemplate if you want to continue taking this risk. I’m not sure what Gabriel would do to you if he finds this place.”

Dariel gulped. “I’ll think about it, but... here everyone can at least be sure that no one sells them out. I think, I’ll take the risk. We’ve been living in danger for a while now, Lucifer. You just didn’t notice because you are here so rarely.” Lucifer heard the accusation clearly. He was “their” archangel, he should have protected them. “I know. I’m sorry. Give me another one.”

Lucifer rubbed his eyes. “Yes?”, he groaned. His tongue felt numb, he had a bad taste in his mouth. He usually didn’t drink that much, but yesterday he had taken his time to talk with the frightened, sometimes angry, angels in the inn. And he had drowned his own grief in wine. Raziel looked into the room. “There’s an angel who wants to talk to you. I didn’t want to wake you, but he’s been waiting for hours and he looks like he’s afraid.”

Lucifer nodded and slowly sat up, his temples throbbed. “Do you know him?” Raziel shook his head. “His name is Nakael, he says.” Lucifer’s heart clenched. He would never forget the look in Nakael’s eyes when he heard that Gabriel had fallen. “I’ll be there immediately.” Raziel nodded and closed the door and Lucifer got up to dress. He drank a little water to get the foul taste out of his mouth. Surely Nakael had heard about the new law. He couldn’t imagine what Gabriel’s changed character must have done to him.

Lucifer hurried to meet him, he’d kept him waiting for long enough. Nakael was pale and there was despair in his eyes. Lucifer led him into his office and sat down with him. “You heard it already, didn’t you?” Nakael nodded. “Lucifer, I need your help. They’ll come to take me. Gabriel knows I’m gay. I... talked to him a while ago, before it became clear what he thinks about us now.”

Nakael’s voice broke. “He chased me away. There was so much contempt in his voice. Please, I’m not a soldier, I know you owe me nothing, but if you can think of any way to help me... I don’t want to go to prison. I don’t know what happened to Gabriel, why he...” Nakael sobbed and Lucifer embraced him.

“I know”, he whispered. “Believe me, I grieve as much for Gabriel’s death as you. The Gabriel whe knew is gone. And I won’t allow you to be imprisoned.” Lucifer thought quickly, but there really wasn’t any other way. “I’m often in the New World, as you probably know, I could take you with me. But, what about your shop?” “My shop is useless if I’m found guilty. Do you think anyone would buy from me, if they knew what I am? Let me come with you, Lucifer. I’d have gone alone, I lived with humans before, but I was afraid of the fae.”

“The fae are not our enemies”, Lucifer said, knowing that he was turning Nakael’s beliefs upside down. “They killed Gabriel!”, Nakael hissed. “How can you say that?” “I know, but... Nakael, what we thought we knew was wrong.” Lucifer licked his lips and told him the story he had heard from Neynych and that he intended to make peace. Nakael watched him wide-eyed. “That can’t be true! Why should Jahwe lie to us? Why should an angel kill other angels?”

Lucifer shook his head helplessly. “I don’t know, Nakael. I can only tell you that every fae I talked to, is sure that we were the aggressors, not them. And Jahwe doesn’t talk to us anymore, we can’t ask him. Do you still want to come with me?” Nakael worried his lower lip with his teeth but then he nodded. “I don’t know yet, if I’ll stay with you and your men, but for now, yes, I’m coming with you.”

“Then I think it best, if you’d stay here. You shouldn’t risk to be seen at your house again. I can send one of my people if you need something from there.” Nakael shook his head. “I have everything I can’t part with, with me. I hoped... Thank you, Lucifer. I don’t know, what I’d have done without you.” “Don’t mention it.”

‘There’ll be more like him’, Lucifer thought. Maybe no one who’d told Gabriel what he felt for him, but enough who’d fear for their freedom. He had to do something. He owed them to find a way out. He needed to talk to Zaphriel. “We’ll wait until it’s dark, then we fly”, he told Nakael. “No one is going to lock you up.”

“I understand that you want to help these people, Lucifer, but what you intend is dangerous.” “I know, Zaphriel, but they are in danger right now. To imprison them is the crime, not their sexual orientation.” Lucifer clenched his fists. It made him so angry every time he thought of it. “And you want to tell them all what you heard from the fae?” Zaphriel shook his head. “You really should talk to your brothers, Lucifer. If any of them thinks they could curry favour with Gabriel by telling him about that, it could be seen as treason!”

Lucifer rubbed his forehead. “I know, but... I’m not ready. I want to be able to show them results not just accusations against Jahwe. I have to talk to the fae king first. But if these men accept my help, they should know that what I’m doing here is not what I’m famous for. I don’t want to lie to people who trust me with their lives.” Zaphriel clicked his tongue. “As you wish. But do you want them to travel with us? How many do you think there’ll be? It could get difficult.”

“I don’t know.” Lucifer started to walk up and down restlessly. “I’ll get word around, that I’ll help and then we’ll see. But I don’t think they’ll all want to travel with us. Look at Nakael, he’s very comfortable to live with humans. And this is a large world and the humans don’t fill it, we can find a remote place where they could build a village undetected from any angels that might search for them.” Zaphriel sighed. “I suppose you’re right. We’ll have to see what happens. And you know I’ll follow you everywhere.”


	7. Chapter 7

Neynych waited in the forest, two horses grazing nearby. “It’s good that you could come so soon. The king doesn’t like to wait.” “Maybe it would be better if I fly, then.” Lucifer eyed the animals warily. “They are fae horses.” Neynych grinned. “You won’t have a reason to complain about their speed.” Lucifer shrugged. “My men will have to stay behind?”

Neynych nodded. “The king won’t take the risk. But he promises you save passage to his court and back and that no one will try to harm you while you are in his realm.” Lucifer gave Zaphriel some instructions before he hesitantly approached the fae horse. It looked at him with dark, intelligent eyes and nuzzled his hand. Neynych smiled. “I think he likes you. He knows we’ll go far today and he is excited.”

Lucifer mumbled something unintelligible. He was unfamiliar with horses and when he saw the hooves that looked more like those of a goat, he was even less inclined to trust the thing. But he didn’t want Neynych to think him a coward, so he mounted it. “Let’s go!” Neynych said and Lucifer shouted in surprise when his mount followed Neynych’s up into the air.

They weren’t flying like he was used to, he could feel the jolts when the hooves met the air as if it were solid. And the fae horses were fast, the world under them was blurring. He knew he’d have had difficulties to match their speed. Lucifer grinned as the wind whipped his hair. This was fun! “Did I promise you too much?”, Neynych called and Lucifer only laughed. He wanted to keep that horse!

The sky had darkened, Neynych hadn't lied when he'd said they were traveling a long way, but something was glowing on the horizon. Lucifer squinted at the ligh. “What is that?”, he called to Neynych. “I don’t know.” The fae stopped his horse. “Something is wrong. There’s a human city ahead, but...” Lucifer coughed when a cloud of smoke wafted over them. “It’s burning! Can we go around?”

Neynych looked worried, he shook his head. “The entrance is there. Let’s look at it.” Neynych let his horse walk lower. Lucifer suspected a trap, but he followed him, his senses tense. Soon he heard the roaring of the fire, it looked like large parts of the city were in flames.

“I don’t think we’ll reach the palace through this”, Neynych said and Lucifer nodded, the heat was unbearable. He shuddered as he remembered the war and the fires in Eden. “Let’s get out of here. I hope, your king won’t take it as an insult.” Neynych shook his head. “He will have other problems right now." They turned the horses around and through the fire and the smoke Lucifer got a look at the ground. There was a girl standing in the street.

Lucia huddled into a corner, as far away from the flames as possible. Coughing and sobbing she stared into the fire that came slowly closer and blocked her way. She was trapped. She had been separated from her mother in the turmoil of panicked people and lost her way. Lucia wiped her watering eyes. “Please, dear God, help me. I’ll always be good, I promise.”

Could he hear her? Or was he too busy with all the other people who needed his help? She squeaked when a man fell out of heaven. His large wings, reflecting the fire in hues of rose and orange, were spread wide to cushion his fall. An angel! God had heard her and sent her an angel.

“Come quickly!”, the angel waved her over and Lucia threw herself into his arms and hid her face on his neck when he rose with strong wing beats. “What luck that you are so small”, he murmured. “Don’t be afraid, I’ll take you to safety. Where is your mummy?” He patted her back and Lucia clung tighter to him. “I don’t know”, Lucia sobbed. “I lost her!” “Hush, we’ll find her.” The angel's voice was deep and calming and Lucia relaxed in his arms. He would help her. Everything would be alright.

Lucifer held the girl tight. If she’d been just a little heavier he’d have had to leave her behind. It took all his power and concentration to stay in the air. He made for the edge of the town, away from the fire. The child was trembling in his arms and he became aware of the chill of the air, humans were much more sensitive to that. He hoped, he’d find her mother. He had no idea, what to do with her if he didn’t.

Lucifer alighted close to a group of humans who looked at him with frightened eyes. He remembered distantly that he was breaking the law by showing his wings to them, but he didn’t care right now. “Come, little one, we’ll find your mother. What’s your name?” “Lucia.” Lucifer laughed. “Oh, really? I’m Lucifer.” What a coincidence. He put her down and she reached shyly for his hand.

Lucifer started walking and listened to the voices around him. Surely her mother would search for her. The humans stared at him as he walked through their midst, some went to their knees and started to pray. Lucifer rolled his eyes and struggled with an illusion that would hide his wings. Maybe his brothers had a point, showing themselves for what they were only led to problems.

“Mummy!” The girl let go of his hand and ran to a woman who embraced her sobbing. Lucifer smiled at himself and turned around to leave quietly when an urge came over him. An urge to protect so acute that he turned around and approached the two humans again. The girl was just telling her mother how he had saved her. “That’s him!”, she cried, when she saw him. “He doesn’t have wings now, but he had them then!”

“Thank you for saving my daughter.” She knelt and kissed his hand with tears in her eyes and Lucifer quickly helped her up, feeling awkward. “It’s nothing”, he said. “Lucia.” He crouched down to be on eye level with her. “I’m going to protect you, but you mustn’t tell anyone about me. Can you promise me that?” “I promise.” “Good.” Lucifer pulled the necklace with his seal over his head and put it around the girl’s neck. “Take good care of it.”

When he kissed her forehead, he felt a bond lock between them. He’d read about angels choosing to enter such a bond with a human in the notes Uriel compiled for him, but he’d never imagined he’d once do the same. He left bewildered of himself. The girl felt important, like she would do something for him. But what could a human girl do for him?

Just when he wondered how he would come back to his men now that he had left Neynych, he felt a familiar presence come closer. Lucifer groaned, he was the last one he wanted to see right now! “What are you doing here?”, he snapped at Metatron when he touched down beside him. “I could ask you the same, Lucifer. We help the humans who lost everything tonight. I noticed that you don’t bother to hide your nature. Have you forgotten the law?”

“The girl was in mortal danger! Should I have let her burn to death?” Lucifer was angry at the insolence in the angel’s voice. Just because he’d been allowed a place among them for a while, he thought he could allow himself anything. “You could have done it differently. Or do you think the laws don’t apply to you? I’ll notify Gabriel!”

“Do you really think Gabriel is going to punish me for that?” Lucifer laughed although he wasn’t as sure as he acted. The old Gabriel wouldn’t have, but the new one... “Goodbye, Metatron.” It was a good think that Metatron was so irritated about this, Lucifer thought when he flew away. It gave him surety that the angel hadn’t seen how he had come here – and in whose company.

Neynych found him a short while later on a hill close to the city. Lucifer had decided to wait here because he had no idea where he was, anyway. It made no sense to fly around aimlessly and get lost even more. Neynych jumped off the horse and just stared at him for a moment. “What?” Lucifer gave him an irritated look. “You are mad.” Neynych shook his head. “To risk your life for a human child... You could have died down there!”

“Would you have let her die? A child?” Lucifer cocked his head, more curious than angry. “They stole our home. I know it’s not their fault that they had to leave Eden, but it is still us who have to hide now.” Lucifer saw Neynych burry his fingers – that looked suddenly like roots – into the earth. “This is my home, I’m made from the same matter as this world, but I can’t move around freely because angels will hunt me, if they notice me – and some humans, too. They thought us gods once, now they call us demons. This is thanks to your people!”

“I know.” Lucifer rubbed the bride of his nose. “I hope we’ll find a way to coexist.” “Do you really think that’s possible?” “I don’t know.” Lucifer returned Neynych’s sceptical gaze with a sad smile. He had hoped to be able to count on Gabriel, but his friend had changed so much and without him he wasn’t sure who’d be on his side. Lucifer felt angels come closer. “Go! Quick. Someone’s coming.”

Did they come to take him? Metatron must have acted quickly. Neynych didn’t ask. He mounted his horse and rode away. “Talk to Zaphriel, I might be indisposed for a while!”, Lucifer called after him. If Gabriel intended to, he could detain him in Patris, he had given him the means to himself. Lucifer kicked at a stone, angry at himself. But what could he have done differently? Letting the child die! And he would tell Gabriel exactly that.

Neynych hadn’t been long out of sight when the two angels touched down beside Lucifer. He stayed seated, giving no indication that he had even noticed them. He would go with them, but he wouldn’t make it easy for them. One of the angels coughed uneasily. “Gabriel sends us.” “I thought so”, Lucifer answered unimpressed.

After a short pause the angel continued: “We are supposed to take you to him. Will you come voluntarily?” Lucifer grinned when he saw them shuffle restlessly. They wouldn’t dare to force him. “Of course.” He stood up and spread his wings. Without waiting for his escort he rose into the air. “Keep up!”, he barked at them. He wouldn’t let them march him off like a prisoner.

Gabriel looked up when he rushed into his office without knocking. “You wanted to speak with me?” Lucifer sat down without waiting for an invitation. “Where are my men?” Gabriel looked troubled. Lucifer shook his head. What was he thinking, he had done to them? “Couldn’t keep up with me. Their dignity might be a little scratched, but they are well. What did you think?” Lucifer cocked his eyebrow at him.

“You are unpredictable, Lucifer! I never know what to expect of you. Why did you show your wings to those humans? The laws apply to you, too!” “No!” Lucifer leaned forward. “I follow Jahwe’s Law, not yours.” “Do you question my authority?” Gabriel’s cheeks flushed in anger. “Jahwe himself appointed me!” His voice was dangerously quiet.

Lucifer shook his head. “Not at all, as I said, I follow Jahwe's Law, you should keep to it, too.” Lucifer stood up and turned around to leave, but by now Gabriel’s underlings had arrived and blocked the door. “Get out of my way!”, he growled. They winced but didn’t budge. This was their turf and that made them more brave. Gabriel must have given them a sign because they approached him warily.

Lucifer’s hands wanted to reach for his swords, all his instincts told him to arm himself, but he'd left them behind. The fae king had wanted him to come unarmed. Lucifer lifted his fists. He wouldn’t give in without a fight.

“Have you taken leave of your senses? You arrested Lucifer?” Uriel wondered not for the first time if he was the only sane person in this madhouse. “I not only arrested him, I intend to put him on trial.” “And what exactly has he done?” Uriel hoped it wasn’t about this vexatious law against fornication and laughed in relief when Gabriel answered: “He showed his wings to humans.”

“That’s all?” Uriel shook his head. “You should contemplate if you want to earn Lucifer’s hostility over such a trifle. Because you will, if you take his feathers, and that’s was this is boiling down to, isn’t it?” “You can say what you want, Uriel. Lucifer seems to think that the laws don’t apply to him. I’m going to show him that he is wrong.” Uriel sighed. “As you wish.”

What had happened to their friendship? Maybe Lucifer was right and it was Michael’s influence. He didn’t speak to Gabriel about it, he didn't want to insult him by insinuating that he might have lied to them, but he wondered sometimes if Gabriel really had all his memories back.

Lucifer glared at him when he entered the cell. “Don’t look at me like that. It’s not my fault. What did you get yourself into this time, Lucifer?” Uriel sat down on his bed next to him. “This pompous idiot thinks he can regulate my actions!” Lucifer was seething. “I was glad when I heard that Gabriel was back, but this is not the Gabriel I knew.”

“I now.” Uriel sighed. “And you aren’t the only one who grieves about that, believe me. But it doesn’t change the fact that Gabriel is the law and you have to accept that, too.” “No!” Lucifer shook his head. “I follow Jahwe’s Law. The old Gabriel had Jahwe’s guidance, but Jahwe is gone – or did I miss something?” “No, sadly not.”

“I thought so. That law against fornication wouldn’t be in accordance with his wishes. Fornication, ha! Gabriel should know that there’s nothing wrong with having sex with men.” “I know. I never wanted it to come to this. I’m sorry.” Lucifer shook his head. “It is not your fault, Uriel. I forsook you. I should have been here and wasn’t.” “Maybe.” Uriel came back to what he had wanted to say with a sigh. “Gabriel is resolved to teach you a lesson. If you don’t come around, you’ll lose your feathers.”

Lucifer stared horrified at him. “You’ll let him?” “I can’t stop him, Lucifer! Gabriel is the law.” Uriel couldn’t even begin to explain to Lucifer how much that pained him. “If you would apologise, if you’d tell him that you acknowledge his position, he’d maybe change his mind.”

Lucifer stubbornly shook his head. “Forget it. I meant what I said and if it has to be that way, I’ll suffer the consequences. I won’t cower before him, Uriel.” Uriel nodded in resignation, he hadn’t really expected anything else. “Good luck, brother.” He kissed his forehead which Lucifer answered with a surprised glance, it wasn’t sexual in nature, but Uriel still had never touched him like this before.

“I hope you won’t regret your decision.” Lucifer followed him with his eyes as he left. No, he surely wouldn’t regret it. Not that he had rescued the girl and surely not that he had told Gabriel exactly what he thought of him. His freedom meant everything to him and Gabriel was restricting it too much with his new laws.


	8. Chapter 8

Azrael wiped the sweat from his forehead with a dirty hand. He was pulling up weeds in the herbary and the sun was burning down on him. He stretched his aching back with a groan, his basket was full. “Here you are.” Azrael whirled around, a shock shooting sharp through his stomach.

“I didn’t intend to make you wait, Your Grace!” A quick look to the position of the sun showed him that he had forgotten the time. But he’d come here for exactly that, to not have to think. He hadn’t been able to think straight since he had heard that Lucifer had been arrested.

“It’s fine. Come inside, you look like you could use something to drink.” Azrael followed Raphael to his office and gratefully accepted a cool glass of lemonade. He was relieved that Raphael wasn’t angry with him when he had missed their appointment. “I’m sorry”, he said again and Raphael gave him an inquiring look. “What’s wrong, Arzael? You’ve been so distracted the last few days. Do you have problems?” “No, I...” Azrael bit his lower lip. “I heard about Lucifer’s arrest. I worry for him.” “For Lucifer? Why?” Raphael sounded more than surprised.

“Because... If he’d wanted me, I’d have entered his service”, Azrael mumbled and lowered his head, he couldn’t meet Raphael’s eyes. Surely he’d be disappointed with him. “Azrael, du you remember what I told you when you started your apprenticeship?” Raphael’s voice was gentle.

Azrael felt bad, he’d almost have felt better if he’d shouted at him. “You told me you wouldn’t force me to stay.” “Do you want to leave, Azrael?” “No!” Azrael lifted startled his head. “No, I like to work here, Your Grace. Lucifer’s arrest just disturbs me. I don’t want something bad to happen to him.”

“I understand. I’m glad that you are happy here, I like you, Azrael. You are a hard worker and usually you do it well. You are learning quickly.” Raphael looked at him in silence. “Do you want to accompany me to the trial?” “Yes, Your Grace, thank you!” Azrael couldn’t believe it. The trial was closed to the public. “It’s an honour.” He bowed and Raphael smiled. “Can I expect you to turn your mind to your work again now?” “Yes, Your Grace.” Azrael emptied his glass and put it back on the table. “Thank you and a good day to you, Your Grace.”

Azrael’s eyes immediately fixed on Lucifer when he entered the courtroom with Raphael. He stood very straight, his head held high, glaring at Gabriel. _Proud as Lucifer,_ Azrael thought. The saying had some truth. He admired Lucifer for his pride, his confidence. That he always went his own way and let no one and nothing dissuade him from it.

Azrael’s heart beat quicker when Lucifer turned his head and their eyes met. He was so handsome, and the bruise on his cheek didn’t change that. Raphael had told him that Lucifer had fought his arrest. Lucifer lifted his eyebrows and turned back to Gabriel.

Raphael squeezed Azrael’s shoulder before going to his place and Azrael slipped into an empty bench in the back. He didn’t want to draw too much attention to himself, he hoped none of the other archangels would challenge Raphael’s decision to bring him along.

Michael asked Raphael something with a look at Azrael, but he couldn’t understand what they were saying. Azrael knew Michael still hoped that he would come back to him, once he remembered. Azrael wished, he could tell him the truth, but that was impossible, if he wanted to stay free.

Gabriel started to speak. “Lucifer, you are charged with showing yourself as angel to humans and resisting your arrest.” Azrael couldn’t see his face from the back, but Lucifer’s feathers bristled. He was angry, but he kept silent for now. “Metatron, who witnessed the crime has given me an account. I will read it out now.

_I noticed the fire and went there to help and also to apprehend any fae that might be allured by it. I saw Lucifer landing in the middle of the humans and not hiding his wings when he walked through their midst. He only hid the wings after a while, but it was too late by them. He left the humans flying and again didn’t bother if anyone noticed. I walked until I was out of sight oft he humans and followed him. It took me a while to find him again. He was alone, none of his men were with him. When I confronted him, he didn’t see reason.”_

Gabriel looked up from the sheet he had read. „Add to this your questioning my right to issue new laws and the resistance against your arrest and I see a seriously dangerous mindset on your side. Have you anything to say, Lucifer?“

Lucifer’s wings twitched irritably. „Nothing I could say is going to change your opinion of me. I saved a child from being burned alive, I had other things on my mind than hiding from the humans. And I protest against an unjust law that was never wanted by Jahwe, no matter what you say. So you see, I don’t _see reason_ as you put it. Do, what you think you have to do!“, he said in a cold voice.

Gabriel sighed heavily and Azrael thought he really regretted Lucifer’s defiance. „In Jahwe’s name I pass judgement on you, Lucifer. For showing your wings to humans, doubting my authority and fighting your arrest, your feathers shall be plucked. This way you get time to think about your conduct and I hope you will use that time wisely. The sentence is going to be carried out immediately.”

Lucifer was surprised about Azrael’s presence. Did he want to watch his punishment? Had his wish to serve him turned to spite? Or had he remembered? He held Gabriel’s eyes when he told him his sentence. He’d lose his feathers, as Uriel had predicted. Lucifer clenched his fists. That meant he’d be stuck here for half a year at least. Hopefully the fae king would understand that he didn’t keep him waiting voluntarily.

Lucifer gritted his teeth when two of Gabriel’s men started to pluck his feathers. He locked eyes with Gabriel and everything narrowed down to his face and the pain. He wouldn’t scream! He wouldn’t utter a peep! The pain was indescribable. Fire shooting through his wing bones.

He was panting, sweat running down his back. His muscles were trembling. Black dots were starting to dance before his eyes. Lucifer clung to Gabriel’s gaze to keep himself up. He mustn’t faint! Gabriel mustn’t see how much this hurt. He wouldn’t give him the satisfaction to see him weak. His knees buckled, but still his eyes burned into Gabriel’s.

Azrael’s hands hurt, he had clenched them so hard that his nails bit his skin. It had taken all his self-control to not jump up and rush to Lucifer’s rescue. Lucifer knelt on the floor, his wingbones bloody, red-tinged feathers lying all around him. Raphael stood up and walked to Lucifer, offering him his hand to help him up. “Let me bring you to my home to tend to your wounds, brother”, he said and Azrael could have embraced Raphael in this moment, he was so proud to be allowed to serve him.

He didn’t know what Raphael thought about the whole matter, if he agreed with Gabriel or not – and he wouldn’t ask him, it would have been unseemly – but Raphael was the Healer, he would not let an injured person suffer needlessly. Lucifer was swaying when he stood up, leaning heavily on Raphael. Raphael looked at Azrael. “Help me to take him to the hospital.” Azrael rushed forward, he felt Lucifer tremble when he l laid his arm around his waist to steady him.

A soft sound of pain came from his lips, Azrael had brushed his wing. He was deathly pale. Azarel felt faintly sick looking at his featherless wings, it was such an unnatural sight. Lucifer shot him a look, but Azrael couldn’t read it. “I can’t heal your injuries completely”, Raphael said. “But I’m going to stop the bleeding and ease your pain a little, so you can walk.” Azrael felt Luzifer standing more steady on his feet, he watched Raphael’s hand running lightly over the bleeding skin and the wounds scabbed over. Raphael gave him a quick smile when their eyes met.

“Thank you”, Lucifer croaked. “I feel better already.” Raphael shook his head. “But you aren’t. You will come with me and let me tend to this.” Lucifer stayed silent for a long moment, his muscles tense. “Fine”, he said at last. Azrael held him up when they walked to the hospital, luckily it wasn’t far, by the end Lucifer was again leaning heavily on him, his breath strangled. It occurred to him that he’d never been that close to him, but he pushed the thought aside. Lucifer was injured, this was not the moment to start having lewd thoughts, a quick look at his wings reminded him of that.

Raphael watched Azrael dressing Lucifer’s wings after they had worked together to find and pull out broken off quills and applying an ointment. Azrael’s face was full of sorrow and devotion. He wondered why Lucifer hadn’t wanted him when he worshiped him so obviously. Lucifer had flinched a couple of times but never made a sound that was more than a holding of breath. Raphael wondered, if he thought he’d judge him for showing that he was in pain, it had to have come back by now, he couldn’t stop it indefinitely.

When Azrael had finished, Raphael came to Lucifer’s side. He looked up at him defiantly. “I know you are in pain”, he said and when Lucifer opened his mouth he shook his head impatiently. “Don’t deny it. I know. I’m going to give you something that will ease the pain and make you sleep. And you will drink it!” Lucifer narrowed his eyes but Raphael didn’t shy away from his glare and he sighed. “Fine. I’ll drink it.” Raphael nodded at Azrael to fetch the syrup.

“Thank you for your help”, Lucifer said very quietly. Raphael shook his head. “It is my profession, you don’t have to thank me.” He wouldn’t tell him, none of them, but he thought Gabriel too harsh. Lucifer had saved a child’s life. He had flown her out of the fire, that must have been dangerous. He was a little ashamed to admit that he hadn’t thought Lucifer the kind of person to risk his own life for someone unconnected to him.

And of course it was wrong to not accept Gabriel’s authority in matters of law, but did that really warrant such a punishment? After he’d given Lucifer the medicine, he waited by his side until he’d fallen asleep. Whenever he’d met him at council he’d been loud and angry at Michael and Gabriel, but now he looked just very tired. And he’d seen the pain in his heart for all his killed comrades. He wondered what that experience had cost him. Raphael gently stroked a fiery strand of hair out of Lucifer’s face.


	9. Chapter 9

Raphael walked along the hallway to his room and saw the light glowing through the crack of Lucifer’s door. He had expected his brother to sleep deeply after he’d drunk the tea. He pushed the door open quietly and looked in, what he saw made him smile. Azrael sat on a chair beside Lucifer’s bed and read in the light of a candle.

His head sank to his chest repeatedly, he had to be very tired, after doing his work all day, and it was very late already. Raphael was a little worried about the young angel’s obvious devotion to Lucifer, he didn’t want to lose him to his brother, but he had meant what he'd said, he wouldn’t keep him here against his will. You couldn’t be a good healer if your heart wasn’t in it.

While Raphael still wondered if he should order him to go to bed, Azrael closed his book and rose from his chair. Raphael froze when the angel bowed forward and kissed Lucifer full on the lips. It was obvious that it wasn’t an innocent kiss and Raphael suddenly realised that he might lose Azrael for wholly different reasons.

The angel looked up at his sharp intake of breath and paled, his eyes wide when he saw him standing in the door. He could see that Azrael realised he’d recognised what he was. “Please, Your Grace”, his voice was little more than a whisper, “please don’t report me.” Azrael didn’t meet his eyes, when he stepped into the room, Raphael could see that he trembled. He didn’t know what to do.

Azrael was breaking the law and it should have been the natural decision to report him to Gabriel, but Raphael’s mind shied away from that. He was angry at him, but that was more because he’d kissed an unconscious patient than because he’d _kissed_ Lucifer. “I have to think about this, Azrael”, he said. “Go to your room and come to me first thing in the morning. I will tell you my decision then. You disappoint me, Azrael.” “Yes, Your Grace”, Azrael whispered. “I’m sorry.”

Azrael was still trembling when he hurried to his room and slumped sobbing on his bed. The disappointment in Raphael’s eyes! Oh, how he wished sometimes he could be different! Why had he been so careless? He’d only meant to kiss Lucifer good night when it was the only kiss he’d ever have from him. He’d _known_ it was wrong because Lucifer didn’t want him – but to Raphael it was wrong for completely different reasons.

He curled up, feeling sick. What would Raphael do with him now? He’d surely cast him out, he wouldn’t want him in his service anymore. And if he let him be arrested his whole life would be over. No one wanted someone like him. No one but Lucifer and Lucifer had already rejected him. Would he take him in if he knew that they were alike? Azrael didn’t know.

He couldn’t sleep. The night felt endless and he didn’t know if he wished for morning or dreaded it. Both. He didn't want to know what Raphael decided and he wanted it to be over.

Raphael turned his eyes away from the window at the faint knock. “Come in!” He sat up straight and tried to hide how tired he was, he had pondered all night what to do with Azrael. Azrael looked as tired as he felt and Raphael wasn’t surprised about that. It had been cruel to not tell him immediately, but he hadn’t known what to do.

Azrael knelt down. Did he want to placate him with this submissive gesture? He could see that the angel was very afraid. Gabriel wasn’t lenient with his kind. “Why do you break the law in such a despicable way, Azrael?” “I... It is not a sickness that can be healed, Your Grace, you know that. But it isn’t a decision, either, like so many seem to think. It’s simply the way I am.”

Raphael sighed. Yes, he knew it wasn’t a sickness, he had tried to find a cure. He wasn’t sure if that didn’t make it even worse and if Azrael wasn’t just making excuses. “Stand up, Azrael, I don’t want you to kneel.” When he had stood up, Raphael continued: “Did you never try? Being normal, I mean.” Azrael shook his head. “That’s not possible, Your Grace. Not for me.” Raphael saw that he was close to tears and trembling. “The thought of being intimate with a woman disgusts me. I’m sorry, Your Grace, I know I disappoint you.”

Raphael rubbed his face. “I know what you fear, but I won’t hand you over to Gabriel, I don’t like his methods.” Azrael relaxed visibly. “Thank you, Your Grace”, he whispered. “But that doesn’t mean I accept or encourage your moral conduct”, Raphael continued sternly. “You won’t leave the building without my express permission. I wish to know where you go. And if I hear that you lie to me, or you ever touch a patient in an inappropriate way again, Gabriel _will_ hear of it.”

“It won’t happen again, Your Grace. I know that was wrong. Thank you for your mercy.” Azrael bowed deeply. “I won’t disappoint you again.” “Good. Go back to work.” Raphael allowed himself a deep sigh after Azrael had left. He hoped he’d done the right thing, but Azrael was a good healer and he liked him as a person, too – he hadn’t been able to turn him in.

~*~*~

It was already late when Azrael left Feniel’s room, a little boy who’d broken his leg after falling from a tree. Feniel hadn’t been able to sleep, his leg was hurting and the unfamiliar surroundings frightened him, but after he’d told him about a hundred bedtime stories he’d fallen asleep. Azrael was relieved, he had been running out of stories. Now he was making his tour across the floor, looked into the rooms to make sure everything was okay.

He didn’t have Raphael’s gift to feel through touch what was wrong with a patient and heal him that way, but he had learned to feel if something wasn’t right. Everything was quiet and he went back to the staffroom to get himself something to drink, his mouth was dry after all the talking. Arzael stopped in the doorway when he saw who was sitting at the table. “Your Grace!” He hadn’t seen a lot of Raphael the last few days. He wasn’t sure if he was avoiding Raphael or if Raphael was avoiding him.

“Sit down with me, Azrael.” He realised that he was still standing in the doorway and sat down across from Raphael. The archangel pushed a cup of coffee over the table. “You look like you need it. Did something happen?” Azrael accepted the cup gratefully, his body relaxed, Raphael was emanating calm. “Nothing out of the ordinary. Feniel needed a little help to fall asleep.” Azrael blinked slowly.

“ _You_ look like you could sleep on the spot.” Raphael frowned. “I know you are working double shifts. How many hours do you sleep? Three? Four?” “Something like that?” Azrael stifled a yawn. “You always were very committed but don’t you think this is a little much?” “It’s fine, Your Grace.” Azrael sipped his coffee and sighed. “I can’t change what I am, but I can serve you well despite it.”

Raphael smiled gently. “I know that, Azrael. I appreciate you and your dedication to our profession. But I want you to go to bed now, I’ll take over for you and tomorrow we’ll look at that shift schedule.” Azrael opened his mouth to protest, but Raphael didn’t let him. “You are tired, Azrael. Tired people make mistakes. Go to bed.” “Yes, Your Grace. Thank you.” Azrael couldn’t voice how relieved he was to be finally able to sleep. “Good night, Azrael.” Raphael kissed his forehead.

Azrael was halfway to his room when his tired out mind caught up to Raphael’s actions. He thought of the things he’d heard about people who’d been found out. They were treated like they were having a contagious sickness. Former friends and family were keeping their children away from them. Raphael had given him the responsibility for a little boy today. And he had just kissed him! Azrael snuggled into his bed and closed his eyes knowing that his archangel was the most perfect angel Jahwe had ever made.

The sun was shining into his face when he woke. Azrael groaned and rubbed his eyes. It was late, more midday than morning. His belly growled, he hadn’t eaten anything since a bowl of soup yesterday afternoon. His next shift would start in an hour, but he was positive that Raphael had taken care of that. He got up and dressed, not wanting to let his lord wait any longer. Azrael touched his forehead where Raphael had kissed him in the night.

Raphael was sitting behind his desk. “Azrael, take a seat”, he mumbled while signing some document, then he put his pen aside and looked at him. “Did you sleep well?” “A little too well maybe.” Azrael rubbed his neck in embarrassment and Raphael gave him a kind smile. “I allowed myself to change your roster. Here.” He pushed a sheet over the table. “You saddled yourself with a little too much work, my dear boy.” Azrael grimaced, he was still young for an angel, but Raphael wasn’t that much older than him. Still, he was grateful that he was allowed to sleep through a few nights again.

“Thank you, Your Grace.” Azrael bowed. “Please don’t do that.” Raphael looked at him with serious eyes. “I don’t want you to be so deferential. You don’t have to worry angering me.” Azrael blushed because that was exactly why he’d been keen on showing Raphael his deference. “I don’t sanction your... preferences, but I won’t reveal them either. I don’t want to talk about his ever again. For my part, I’ll act as if I hadn’t seen anything and you should do so, too, Azrael. But don’t forget to notify me if you leave the house.”

“Yes, Your Grace. Thank you.” Azrael stood up but Raphael held him back. “One thing: I don’t want to lose you, but you should think about asking Lucifer to take you into his service. It might be better for you.” “No”, Azrael said without hesitation. “Lucifer rejected me before and maybe he’d accept me now because I am like him, but I don’t want it to be like that. _You_ still want my service despite knowing how I am and I’ll always be grateful for it. I’ll be in the garden, if you need me, Your Grace.” He had always wanted to be close to Lucifer, but not like this, not because he pitied him.

Raphael looked after Azrael feeling surprised. He hadn’t thought he would decide like this. He wouldn’t have had to hide with Lucifer and he obviously venerated him, maybe even desired him. It touched Raphael that Azrael was so loyal to him. He worked through a few folders before it became time for lunch and he went to see how Lucidfer’s mood was. Raphael knew that his brother wanted to leave, go back to his people. The inactivity drove him mad, but Raphael wanted to keep him here a while longer. He didn’t want to risk the wounds getting infected.

Lucifer sat with his meal on the terrace and nodded at him when he entered the room. Raphael sat beside him and was served lunch. “How are you today?” “Very well.” Lucifer sighed exasperated. “When are you going to let me go home?” “No fever?” Raphael looked pointedly at the empty tea cup. Lucifer still was in pain although he was too stubborn to admit it. “No. I’m fine, Raphael!” They had this conversation almost daily, Lucifer was so impatient.

“What are you going to do now?” Raphael wasn’t sure if it was good that Lucifer was stuck in Patris. It smelled like trouble. He didn't like knowing that his brothers were at each other's throats and not being able to do anything about it. “I’m going to train with my people, do what I’m supposed to do. And once my feathers have grown back, I’ll go back to the New World. I have an unsettled matter there that needs tending to. I might be important for all of us.” Lucifer looked for a moment as if he wanted to say more, but then he just ended with: “I’ll tell you another time.” Raphael couldn’t read Lucifer’s face, he was not sure, if he should be worried about that.


	10. Chapter 10

Lucifer was so surprised he forgot to scratch. The new feathers were growing and it itched like mad, he’d barely slept all night, but that was secondary now. He had scratched off some of the protective cover that enveloped the young feathers – they were black. Black! What did that mean? All angels had white wings. Did Jahwe show him his disapproval?

Lucifer shook his head. Nonsense, he mustn’t think like that. Jahwe would speak to him, if he wanted to tell him something. It had to be something natural. Still, people would talk – even more than they already did. Lucifer jumped when someone knocked at his door. “Come in!”

“Lucifer, I...” Zaphriel’s eyes widened when he saw him and stumbled over his words. “What happened?”, he finally managed. “What did you do, Lucifer?” “Nothing, what do you mean?” The husks around his feathers rustled when he spread his wings. “Well, they are very... dark, aren’t they?” Zaphriel blushed.

“Yes, and? Why are you here, Zaphriel?” His friend fumbled for words, Lucifer clucked impatiently. “It’s just a colour, Zaphriel. What did you want to tell me?” “Neynych got in touch with me. The king wants to try again, he’s aware that you are... inconvenienced right now, but he’ll wait for you to recover.” Zaphriel had been going to the New World weekly to see if there were news.

“Very good.” Lucifer breathed a sigh of relief. He had worried the fae king could be offended because the first meeting hadn’t happened. “The new meeting spot is going to be disclosed later. It’s going to be somewhere else than last time. Probably because you know the way.” Lucifer nodded and scratched at his wing. So they had more than one way to Eden, good to know that.

“Tell Neynych that I agree and that I’m going to be ready in about a week.” Zaphriel eyed his plumage critically. “Are you sure? That’s maybe a bit optimistic.” “I’m sure.” Lucifer did not want to discuss his wings again, even if it wasn’t about the colour. He knew, a week was ambitious, but he was eager to be gone – and also to finally meet the fae king.

Azrael wiped the vomit off the ground, swearing under his breath. He wanted to have a stern discussion with the idiot who had sold spoiled food! He was sitting at the reception today and this had been already the second angel to vomit in the foyer. Plus around ten patients who complained about severe sickness. And it wasn’t even noon yet!

“Good morning, Azrael.” He looked up and saw Lucifer standing before him. “Where is Raphael?” “Ah...” Azrael was left speechless when he saw his wings. His feathers had the colour of a blackbird’s wing. It was... beautiful. How had that happened?

“I... don’t know, probably on the first floor with the people with the food poisoning”, he stammered. “Thank you, Azrael. I’ll leave Patris for a while and I wish you well.” Lucifer nodded at him.

“I wish you well, too, Your Grace.” Azrael followed him with his eyes as he walked up the stairs. He was leaving Patris again. He had thought it necessary, to say goodbye to him – Azrael smiled.

Lucifer stumbled sullenly up the rocky mountain path, following his guide. It wasn’t Neynych this time but a little creature, barely reaching his knees, who looked like a rock himself. He had to watch out to not lose him. The fae wasn’t particularly talkative. Neither had he told him where Neynych was, nor where he was leading him.

Zaphriel had feared a trap and Lucifer had barely managed to deter him from coming with him. He recounted again in his thought, what Neynych had told him before their first try.

“Be polite for the Maker’s sake”, he had said. “The king is easily insulted. Don’t infuriate him. Don’t think yourself his equal, because he won’t, but don’t be too subservient or he won’t respect you as someone worth negotiating with.”

Lucifer growled at the memory. He wouldn’t bend the knee to a fae, never. He would call him ‘Your Majesty’, because he didn’t know his name, but that was all the deference he would concede him. He intended to negotiate with him on equal terms. He was very curious about this mysterious king.

“Oops!” Lucifer made an embarrassing hop, he’d almost stumbled over his guide who had suddenly stopped walking. They stood in front of a steep cliff. “Up there?” Lucifer spread his wings, but the guide chuckled and stroked across the rock mumbling under his breath. A gate appeared in the rock and his guide pulled a key from his pocket.

Lucifer followed him into the mountain. He didn’t feel comfortable underground, he needed free sky above him. Complete darkness surrounded him, Lucifer reached nervously for the swords he wasn’t wearing – another condition of the fae king. He walked on slowly, listening to the steps of the guide, always braced for stumbling over something or running into a wall.

Then, from one moment to the other his surroundings changed. He was still in a windowless tunnel, but this one was ablaze with light. Lucifer squinted in the sudden brightness. Balls of golden light hovered under the wood-panelled ceiling. He had stopped but his guide waved him on impatiently. It surprised him how imperceptibly the transition had been, apart from the visible signs. When flying from Patris to the New World there was always a moment of vertigo.

He looked around curiously as they walked on. Walls and ceiling were panelled in a honey-coloured wood a green carpet with a pattern of leaves lay on the floor. Now and then other hallways branched off and they met more fae going about their business and staring at him when they walked by. They had to come close to the centre of the dwelling – palace?

It worried Lucifer that he didn’t know anything about this place and wondered if they were still underground. At least there were no windows. Was this what Neynych had meant? Were they living under Eden, not on it? The fae whispered, hostile gazes were thrown at him. Lucifer stared back unblinkingly, he wouldn’t be intimidated.

He gasped when they entered the throne room, he had never seen something like this. The cave was huge, the floor grassy. Trees grew left and right of the path, Lucifer saw eyes everywhere, he shuddered. He looked at the ceiling to make sure that they still were inside, the ceiling was so far off but visibly not the sky.

As they moved into the forest, a huge tree came in sight. It was an ancient oak and the king’s throne was carved from the tree’s trunk. The king looked at him while Lucifer walked up to him. His skin was so pale it almost looked translucent and his hair was white, but his nails were long and black, claws like that of a bird. He wore a crown of amber carved in intricate organic shapes.

Lucifer stopped before the throne and nodded at the king. “Your Majesty, I’m glad that we are finally able to meet.” “We looked forward to this meeting, archangel. You asked for it, what do you wish from Us?” Although the fae had to know his name, he didn’t use it, it would have been an insult – or a threat – to do so. Neynych had told him that, too.

“I’d like to find a way for peace between our people. I think, we’ve been played. There’s no need for the enmity between our people to go on.” The king nodded and stood up. “Come, we should talk about this in private.”

Lucifer followed him out of the wood hall. They walked along a short hallway and stepped into a meeting room. There was a large map on one wall that showed, as Lucifer realised after a moment of puzzlement, Eden. Large parts of the map were painted in red and black, probably to show where the fires still burned, but some places seemed to be untouched by fire.

Silver lines were drawn all over the map, Lucifer wondered, if they showed the living places of the fae, he couldn’t read the script. Lucifer tried to memorize the map, it might be useful. “Are you looking at the destruction you wrought?” He heard the anger in the fae’s words and remembered that the fae, too, had tried to protect this world.

“A lot went wrong that I don’t understand.” After Neynych’s revelation about the true murderer of the angels, he had made inquiries, but it hadn’t gotten him closer to find out the identity of the murderer. “We don’t have to be enemies.”

“Is that your opinion alone, or are the other archangels with you in this? I know you decide together.” Lucifer grimaced, the fae had unerringly found his weak spot. “Before I start to negotiate anything, I want the attacks on my people to stop. A proof of your goodwill.”

Lucifer nodded. It was time to tell his brothers the truth. “I’m sure that can be managed.” He hoped he would be able to convince them. “But I ask, that your people don’t attack angels in the New World either.” A flash of fury shot across the fae king’s face.

“Is that what you call my home?”, he growled. Lucifer bowed his head. “I apologise, that was ill said.” The fae king nodded. “I accept your apology. We call her the Maker’s Gift, and it would please me if you would do so, too. There will be a feast in the evening. Are you going to do me the honour and stay?” “Gladly, Your Majesty, the honour is mine.”

Lucifer listened to the voices of the fae around him with closed eyes. He was relaxed, the strong wine thrummed through his blood. He shuddered when Neynych’s hand slid up his thigh. Lucifer turned his head a little and looked at his friend. He had joined him at the feast and Lucifer had been glad to see him. His touched woke a fire in him he didn’t want to quench. He looked into the fae’s eyes and drowned in their golden-green depths.

“Let’s retire”, Neynych murmured, his voice vibration in Lucifer’s ears. Lucifer nodded slowly. It was late and the wine had flown freely, he doubted anyone would miss them. “Why not?”, Lucifer answered with a grin. He’d thought about this now and then, but there had never been a good time. Now... He stood up and pulled Neynych to his feet. “Where to?” “Follow me.” Neynych gave him a sensual smile and took his hand.

After they had walked a while through the corridors they suddenly stood in a forest. “I don’t belong in Eden”, Neynych answered his surprised gaze. “This is my home.” Lucifer wondered for a moment why they had dragged him through half of the New World to get to Eden when it seemed to work much more easily, but he was too drunk and to aroused to really bother with the thought.

Lucifer shook his head and pushed Neynych against a tree to kiss him thoroughly. Neynych laughed and gripped his hair. Lucifer shivered in pleasure when his long fingers caressed his scalp. Neynych wore only a knee-long tunic and he slid his hand under it up his thigh. The fae moaned into his mouth.

“I wondered how it would be to kiss you, to touch you”, Lucifer murmured. “But I didn’t want to chase you away.” Neynych laughed and nibbled at Lucifer’s lower lip. “You wouldn’t have.” He felt clumsily for the fastenings of Lucifer’s shirt. “How do you open this?” Lucifer lifted his arm and pulled at one of the laces with one hand, he suddenly couldn’t wait for being naked.

Neynych had found the other laces and undressed him determinedly. Lucifer meanwhile opened the cord that gathered Neynych’s tunic at his waist. He shivered when Neynych palmed his cock. “You are wearing too much, archangel”, he said and pulled the tunic over his head.

Lucifer devoured him with looks. His skin was dark like oak wood, he was lean, but the contours of his limbs hinted at his strength. Lucifer stumbled back and fell to the ground when Neynych jumped at him. He could only explain it with his drunken state that the fae had succeeded in surprising him.

Neynych pind his hands above his head and grinned at him. “Let’s find out what the angel has in his trousers.” He licked his lips and Lucifer laughed. He lifted his hips so Neynych could pull the offending garment down. The instant he was rid of his clothes, he rolled over Neynych. If the fae had thought he would give in without a fight, he had been wrong.

For a while they rolled around laughing, each trying to push the other down, until they finally stopped to lie beside each other, breathing quickly. The scent of crushed grass was all around them. For a moment they looked silently at each other, then Neynych kissed him slowly and pulled him atop him.

Lucifer caressed his chest, rubbed his cock against Neynych’s and they both moaned. He knew that he hadn’t ‘won’, Neynych had decided to _give_ this to him. He reached for his belt that lay close to them in the grass and pulled a bottle of oil from the beltpouch. Neynych started to laugh. “I can’t believe it...”

“It’s sword oil!”, Lucifer interrupted him indignantly, but he had to grin. It wouldn’t be the first time he used it for other purposes. Neynych turned readily on his belly and lifted his ass. Lucifer caressed his dark, velvety skin in fascination before uncorking the bottle and letting the oil trickle between Neynych’s buttocks. The fae shuddered with an aroused sigh.

Lucifer bowed over his back and nibbled at his earlobe while he slowly slide his finger in. Sometimes he wanted to play, to take his time and make his partner drown in pleasure, but he didn’t have patience today – maybe it was the wine, it was hard to keep his balance. He quickly added a second and third finger and Neynych gasped when he found the right angle.

“Are you ready?”, he breathed into his ear after a while. Neynych nodded with a groan, his breath coming in gasps, and he moaned loudly when Lucifer entered him. He stopped for a moment, enjoyed the feeling of being inside him, before abandoned himself to his pleasure.

“Do you really have to go?”, Neynych asked sleepily when Lucifer disentangled himself from their embrace at dawn to gather up his clothes that still lay strewn across the glade. “I’m afraid so. Zaphriel will already be worried because I didn’t come back yesterday. And I have things to do.”

Lucifer grimaced. Telling his brothers about the fae and Jahwe’s lies, for example. He had put it off for much too long. He gave Neynych a long wistful kiss. “But I’ll come back, you can count on it.” He winked at him and Neynych laughed. “Oh, I hope so.” He stretched contentedly. “See you soon.”


	11. Chapter 11

_Azrael’s sword was a glittering arc in the air as he lead his body through a sequence of motions, getting faster and faster until his breath was quick and sweat ran down his back. Only when he stopped to drink something did he notice that Michael was watching him._

_His friend smiled and offered him the water bottle. “I wanted to talk to you, Azrael.” Michael looked annoyed, he came directly from the Star and when he’d fought with Lucifer, he always was in a bad mood._

_Azrael sat next to him on the bench that lined the training room. “What about?” “I want you to take command of the angels who’ll protect me in an emergency.” Azrael was surprised. “That’s Lucifer’s task.”_

_“Precisely.” Michael growled. “I don’t want one of his people to be in charge of the angels who are supposed to protect me. I want you to do it, I trust you.”_

_Azrael felt his feathers fluff with pride. “But that would mean to leave you”, he realised. “I’d need to drill with them. With Lucifer...” He shuddered. How would it be to serve under someone who was acting out his lust so openly? Would he be able to abstain if he were exposed to that?_

_Michael nodded. “We wouldn’t see each other as often as now, but you are and will always be my friend, Azrael. I’m not trying to get rid o you. I know you’ll do me proud.”_

_Azrael bowed his head in agreement. “I’ll do my best...”_

Azrael blinked and looked around, he felt disoriented. A moment ago he’d sat with Michael and now he lay in an unfamiliar bed... No, he had been in the herbarium when this... memory had come over him and now he was in his bedroom. He sat up and only noticed now that he wasn’t alone.

“Zuriel?” The healer sat on the chair at his desk and had watched him attentively, now he smiled. “How do you feel, Azrael? You were found in the garden, staring at nothing. Memories?” Azrael nodded. “My first.” When he looked inside himself, he realised that it wasn’t just the one memory, just the one on top. He felt that he had access to more.

Zuriel nodded. “Take your time to sort yourself. Raphael gives you a week off. And if you have any questions or need help, you can come to me or Raphael himself any time. The experience can sometimes be a little... disorienting. Would you like to talk or rather be alone?”

Azrael smiled gratefully. It was good to know that there was someone who he could turn to. “I think, I need some time with myself”, he said apologetically. He didn’t want to insult Zuriel. The older angel nodded and rose. “See you, Azrael.”

Azrael leaned back with a groan, the new-old memories were crowding in his head and wanted to be looked at. And there were things he _knew_ without having to look at the memories. Had he really been so good with a sword that he could beat Michael?

He understood now, why Lucifer had been against taking him into his service. The old Azrael had... hated was too strong a word, but there had been a high amount of unfavourable feelings against Lucifer. He had despised him for indulging shamelessly in his lust. Azrael shook his head.

Had he really once thought that sex of any kind was reprehensible? He huffed in amusement. That was mad. He stared into space open-mouthed when he realised something.

They had thought sex _in general_ unbecoming, there had never been talk of homosexuality in particular! And it had only been a school of thought, something by which they thought to be better than people like Lucifer, but sexual acts of any kind hadn’t been a crime. Was his inclination not a sin after all? Was Michael _lying_?

Azrael shook his head and pressed the balls of his hands on his eyelids. Who was he to doubt an archangel? To doubt something so many viewed as Jahwe’s will? Was he only interpreting his memories to his favour?

He didn’t know. The only thing he was sure about was that Lucifer had been wrong. He didn’t hate him any more than he had before and he intended to tell him, the next time they met.

“I have something to tell you”, Lucifer said, trying to hide his nervousness. His brothers looked expectantly at him. He’d called this meeting, knowing he couldn’t put it off any longer. Was there an easy way to do this? He didn’t see one. “You all know that I spend a lot of my time in the New World. Some might say, too much time”, he said with a look at Uriel.

“And you know I did it for revenge, to hunt down the fae that escaped the burning of Eden. But that’s not what I’ve done for a long while now. The fae are not our enemies. We’ve been deceived.”

He saw the storm clouds on Michael’s face and braced himself, but it was Raphael, who spoke first. “Lucifer”, he said with puzzlement in his eyes, “are you insinuating that Jahwe lied to us?”

“That sounds improbable – wrong even, does it not?” Lucifer met Raphael’s gaze. “But yes, I have cause to believe that he did. He made us fight this war for no reason but his jealousy of his brother – I believe.”

“That’s impossible”, Michael growled. “Jahwe would never deceive us. The fae killed our people first!”

Lucifer shook his head. “An angel killed them. I met a fae who saw it himself.”

“And you believe him more than Jahwe?”, Gabriel cried out. “You can’t mean this. That fae is the liar not Jahwe.”

“I do. I know this is hard, I didn’t want to believe it, either, but since then I’ve talked to a lot of fae and they all are so sure that _we_ started the war. I don’t believe in an elaborate lie. For what reason?”

“To divide us? Weaken us by setting you against us so they can take the New World back for themselves?” Uriel was calm, although Lucifer didn’t think he believed him. He’d known this would be hard – maybe it was impossible after all. “I can see you’ve made up your mind about Jahwe and we can’t ask him about it, but whatever you think of him, you can’t want the obliteration of the humans. We have to fight the fae to protect the humans.”

“They don’t want the humans ill. They say, the humans were made by Jahwe and their Maker together and while the New World is their home, they know Eden won’t be habitable again – something they blame us for.” He threw a pointed look at Michael. “They’ll share the New World with them, if we leave them in peace. I’ve talked to their king, I want to negotiate a peace between them and us.”

He’d expected a cry of outrage but they were so surprised that they just stared at him. “How long have you been hiding this”, Gabriel finally gritted out.

“Ah... quite a while.” Lucifer felt his cheeks heat. “I wasn’t sure if the fae king would even talk to me and I wanted to have something to show before I talk to you...”

“Out of the question”, Michael interrupted him. “We won’t make peace. And I don’t believe this tale. Lucifer! I thought at least in this we were of one mind! Have you forgotten how many people we lost in the war!”

“No, I haven’t”, Lucifer said, looking at Gabriel and feeling that familiar pain of having lost his friend despite him sitting right before him. “But I can’t close my eyes to the truth. Uriel, you can read minds, do you think, you can do that with a fae?”

Uriel cocked his head. “Maybe, why?”

“You don’t believe me, but maybe, you’d believe my friend, if you could make sure he wasn’t lying. I’d lead you to him, if he agrees.”

Uriel nodded slowly. “I’d be willing to give it a try. I admit, I don’t _want_ to believe that it’s true.”

“If Uriel can guarantee the truthfulness of his story, I will think about it”, Raphael said softly.

Gabriel nodded curtly. “Let’s at least listen to his story.”

Michael growled something, but it was clear he wouldn’t fight against the decision of his brothers.

“I’ll talk to him and let you know what he says.” Lucifer rose with a relieved smile. This wasn’t a decision for negotiations, he knew that, but at least they were willing to verify his words.

Lucifer’s hands slid to the hilts of his swords, his instincts told him that something was wrong. His eyes roved over the trees around him. Smoke burned in his nose the same moment he heard the sounds of a fight. Lucifer started to run. If it was burning, Neynych would go there to quench the fire and if this had been a trap... He increased his pace.

He felt the heat on his face when he came closer to the fire and memories of the last battle, of the war that had taken so many of his friends, came up. Should he lose yet another friend? Why didn’t he protect himself like he had threatened the first time they had met? Lucifer answered his own question: Because Neynych hated death.

He reached the fight only to see an angel driving his spear into Neynych’s heart. The fae’s eyes met his in death, seemed to accuse him. A scream tore from Lucifer’s throat, he unsheathed his swords and beheaded the murderer of his friend without a second thought.

Another angel attacked him and he killed him, too, every clear thought gone from his mind. Deep inside a little part of sanity told him that he was doing something unforgivable, that after this, peace with the fae would be the least of his problems, but he didn’t care.

His pain and hatred consumed him. He’d have killed them all, if he could have, but they were too many. The last thing he saw was Metatron’s smug smile before a sword pommel met the back of his head and night descended on him.


	12. Chapter 12

“What were you thinking!” Zaphriel didn’t even wait for the cell door to close behind him until he shouted at him. “Do you know how long I had to grovel to be allowed to see you? And even now Gabriel is probably thinking of a way to put us all behind bars! He thinks we make common cause with the fae!”

“Aren’t we?” Lucifer rubbed the bump on his head. They hadn’t been gentle on their way back to Patris and Lucifer couldn’t blame them, he’d killed their comrades, but he didn’t feel remorse. They’d killed his friend. He bit back the tears that threatened to overflow when he thought of Neynych’s dying eyes.

“But not like that!” Zaphriel punched the wall. “You got yourself into deep trouble. Gabriel and Michael are sure what you told them was a ruse to lure them to the New World and take them captive. And you managed to get Raphael and Uriel against you, too. Justly so, I fear. You killed seven angels, Lucifer. Why?” The question was a desperate scream.

“They murdered Neynych, I just... snapped.” Lucifer felt so tired. He knew he wouldn’t get out of this. What would they do to him? Kill him? He was relieved that his men hadn’t been there with him, maybe that would save them. “You have to renounce me, Zaphriel.” He wouldn’t escape punishment, but maybe he could at least rescue his men.

“Are you kidding me?”, Zaphriel growled. “They speak of banishing you to Eden. Do you really think we’ll let you go alone? We’ll go where you go.”

“No, Zaphriel, not this time.” Lucifer met the angel’s eyes until he looked away. “If they banish me, you won’t be of help if you come with me. The fae are going to doubt our honesty now that Neynych is dead. They know he was my friend.” His grief threatened to overwhelm him but he pushed it down. He had to plan now or he’d be imprisoned in Eden forever. Would they really do that? Lucifer grimaced, he had finally given Michael and Gabriel a reason to get rid of him.

“The king doesn’t know you, but maybe you can win his trust. Find the other fae Neynych introduced us to. I won’t be able to go back to Patris, but maybe you can convince the fae to free me from Eden. I know they sometimes go above ground, I just don’t know how.”

Zaphriel’s face was serious as he nodded. “We will, you can trust us. Are you sure you don’t want anyone to accompany you?”

“No, Zaphriel.” Lucifer embraced his friend. “Don’t wait for the trial. Renounce me, tell them you didn’t know about my connection to the fae, or leave as soon as you are able to at least – and be wary of Metatron. Farewell, my friend.”

“We’ll meet again, Lucifer.” Zaphriel gripped his shoulders, tears in his eyes. “I’ll do everything to free you and if I have to conquer Patris to do that.”

Lucifer slumped when Zaphriel had left. It had taken all his courage to forbid Zaphriel to come with him into exile. Banishment to Eden! It was more like a creative prison. There were some habitable places, but the greater part of the land still burned.

Lucifer hugged himself. He was afraid of being alone, he had lost himself once before, but he wouldn’t damn any of his people to such a life. It was his punishment alone. He only hoped they would be able to leave Patris and that the fae believed them. Lucifer wished he had told his brothers sooner about his suspicions and his conversations with the fae. He understood why Michael had jumped to the conclusion that he’d lied, that he was their enemy, based on the evidence. He couldn’t even blame him for this, only himself.

Lucifer shuddered, he had killed _angels_. He knew that Jahwe would have judged him for it, too, if he were still talking to them. Jahwe would have called him a traitor. Lucifer gritted his teeth. No. _Jahwe_ was the traitor. He had lied to them, all those dead angels in the war were his fault.

He would not feel guilty for trying to make peace. And he didn’t feel guilty for avenging his lover, his friend. Lucifer closed his eyes and cried. Neynych hadn’t deserved to die.

Azrael bowed to his lord. As always when Raphael asked him for a conversation in his office, the fear of having angered him gnawed at him. He _knew_ Raphael wouldn’t hand him over to Gabriel, but still...

“Azrael sit down.” Raphael’s voice was serious. He came from a council meeting and it had surely been about Lucifer. Azrael’s heart clenched, he had treated a few of the angels Lucifer had injured and still couldn’t believe that Lucifer had _killed_ angels. He couldn’t be making common cause with the fae. Everyone knew that Lucifer _hated_ the fae for the deaths of his men!

“I thought you should know what we decided to be Lucifer’s fate, considering the feelings you have for him.” Azrael nodded, his mouth was dry. He was so worried. “We are going to banish him to Eden.” Eden. Azrael gulped as the memory of the first Azrael rose up in him. He reminded himself that Lucifer had murdered seven angels and injured almost twice as many. He deserved this, but... Eden was still an inferno in large parts.

“I understand”, he croaked. “Is he going to have to go alone?”

Raphael huffed. “There is no one who would go with him. His ‘loyal’ followers ran when Lucifer was taken prisoner.”

They had left him! Lucifer was alone. “No”, whispered Azrael and closed his eyes tightly. “Your Grace, you once said that you wouldn’t force me to serve you. I think, the moment to part ways is here. I want to go with Lucifer.”

Raphael stared at him. “Azrael, do you know what you are saying? You might not be allowed to ever come back! And don’t forget what he has done.”

“I know.” Azrael’s voice trembled. He was scared and he wasn’t at all sure how Lucifer would react to him, but he couldn’t let him go alone. No matter what he had done. There had to be an explanation! “But I feel that it is the right thing to do.” He gave Raphael a determined look. “Whatever he did. I’m sorry, Your Grace.”

“Yes, I’m too.” Raphael laid his hand on his arm. “But if that is your way, you have to go it.”

Azrael was relieved that his lord didn’t try to hold him back. “Thank you”, he murmured. “I’ll go and pack.”

“Remember that you have to be able to fly. And”, Raphael grimaced, “you should say goodbye to your mother.”

“I can’t.” Azrael shook his head. “She won’t understand. How could she?”

“You don’t want to tell her?” He heard the disapproval in Raphael’s voice.

“No, it’s better that way.”

“Easier for you, you mean.” Raphael looked displeased. “But you have to decide that for yourself.”

The pronouncement of Lucifer’s sentence was closed to the public. Only the archangels and the guards who would bring Lucifer to the border, Michael’s soldiers, were present – and Azrael.

Lucifer’s face was emotionless when he was led in. He stared at the floor, not acknowledging anyone’s presence. Azrael had seen him standing here once before, bristling with pride and outrage at being treated unjustly, there wasn’t any of that now. Lucifer seemed to know that this time his punishment was deserved.

Azrael sat alone in a bench and gnawed nervously on his lip. After the sentence had been rendered, he would have to tell the archangels that he intended to accompany Lucifer. He would maybe never see his home, his mother, his friends, again. He risked everything for an angel who maybe was a traitor and who never had wanted him at his side. Azrael felt queasy. What was he doing here?

Lucifer barely reacted when Gabriel pronounced his sentence as if he were elsewhere in his mind. “I want to come with Lucifer.” Azrael stood up, his voice sounded small to him. He’d have liked to sound more convincing. Lucifer turned around, his eyes burned themselves into Azrael’s soul. He didn’t look absent-minded anymore. He looked furious. But he didn’t say anything and then it was done.

Lucifer threw glances at the angel now and then. He wasn’t well, his breath was racing and he fell behind again and again. His exhaustion at the long flight was obvious. Lucifer huffed indignantly, the angel would only hinder him. It was a riddle to him why Raphael had let him go, he’d had the impression that Azrael meant something to him.

“It isn’t far now”, one of the soldiers said to Azrael. The angel nodded gratefully, he was breathing too quickly to answer. They could have flown more slowly and a few times they had tried, but Lucifer hadn’t let them. If they didn’t want to lose him, they needed to keep up. Azrael had let himself in for this, he had to live with the consequences.

The mountain range that separated Patris and Eden loomed before them. The sky glowed red, a memory that Eden still burned in many places.

There was a hill not that far from the border where they would leave them, but they would supply them with food and water regularly. Lucifer shook his head. They called it banishment, but it was a prison without walls.

They flew higher to reach the fortress at the border where they would spend their last night in Patris. It was one of many that had been built after the war. They hadn’t wanted the fae to surprise them in their weakened state.

It was a hulking thing with an almost square basis and four squat towers. There was nothing to see of the playfulness that angel architecture usually featured. Beauty hadn’t mattered then, it had to be built quickly. At least they had chosen a strategically advantageous place, Lucifer thought.

His wing muscles refused to draw his wings back in. Azrael stood gasping on the parapet, his wings hanging down limply, his shoulders and back were aflame. Each time his muscles twitched he had to bite down a scream. He’d never flown that far before, his wings were a little too short for easy flying and he wasn’t trained – he usually walked if he got away with it.

He watched Lucifer shaking his wings and folding them easily with a spark of envy. He looked like he could easily fly through the night. Azrael would have liked to be more like him – or at least to be able to do something to earn his respect. He could see that Lucifer wasn’t happy that Azrael was here.

Finally he managed to fold his wings so he could enter the building. Lucifer did not deign to look at him when they were led to their rooms. They were sleeping apart, of course. Azrael stood in his chamber, feeling lost. It was barely big enough for a bed and a washstand.

Only when he coughed politely did Azrael notice that one of their guards still stood in the doorway. “If you were to change your mind, I’m sure Raphael would take you back”, he said. Azrael would have liked to get angry, but he knew the angel only wanted to help him, and he was too tired to muster the energy.

“No.” He smiled sadly. He knew what he’d had with Raphael, but it had been time to go. “Lucifer was always the one I wanted to serve. I can’t let him go alone.” A name from his past darted through his thoughts. “I’m not the Azrael you knew, Sariel.”

The angel blinked surprised. “No, I suppose not – but I’m sorry that’s the case.” The soldier nodded at him. “Still: Go with Jahwe’s blessing, my friend.”

“Thank you.” Azrael slumped down on the bed. He was so tired that he wasn’t even hungry and he felt miserable. How was he supposed to be of help to Lucifer if he couldn’t even keep up with him? What had he been thinking?

But maybe he wasn’t just here because of Lucifer. Although Raphael hadn’t sold him out, he had made very clear that he didn’t support this way of life. Azrael had always been afraid of getting caught, he didn’t even know when he’d felt really save in Patris for the last time.

He looked at the wall that divided his room from Lucifer’s. He hoped the archangel’s anger would cool down. Azrael closed his eyes, he just wanted to sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

Lucifer watched the angels slowly vanishing in the smoke and felt the finality of it all crash down on him. He was stuck here. There was a small glimmer of hope that Zaphriel could convince the fae king to search for him, but... Azrael coughed. “What are you doing here?”, Lucifer shouted at him. He was so full of anger and despair and he didn’t want to have to worry for another angel right now. “I didn’t ask you to share my fate! Why can’t you understand that I don’t want you?”

The angel made a step back, his eyes were swimming in tears and Lucifer pushed away the feeling of remorse. “Lucifer, please”, he whispered with trembling voice. “I always just wanted to serve you. I remember now and I _still_ want to serve you. I couldn’t let you go alone, when your followers...”

“I forced them to go!”, Lucifer interrupted him with a hiss. “There would be no use in them being exiled alongside me. I don’t need you. Fly home.” Azrael shook his head and stared fiercely at him through his tears. “I won’t leave you. Maybe you ordered them to leave you, maybe you think that was the right thing to do – maybe it is – but I made my decision and I won’t change it.”

Lucifer shrugged, feeling very tired. “Do as you please, but leave me alone. I don’t want to see you.” He didn’t want another friend he could lose. The angel wilted under his gaze, then he turned around and walked down the hill with hanging shoulders. Lucifer forced his guilty feelings away, the angel had imposed himself on him, he owed him nothing.

He tried to get comfortable in the cave that was his prison. Tomorrow he would start to explore his surroundings. He wouldn’t just sit around here and wait to be freed. Lucifer leaned his back against the cave wall and slid to the floor. It was pleasantly cool in here after the heat outside. He still couldn’t believe that Neynyh was dead. Lucifer laid his forehead on his knees and cried. Was he cursed that he lost everyone who meant something to him?

_“Fly.” Azrael looked distraught at his lord and friend. Michael had never before sent him away. “But...” “Do it!” And his voice was so powerful that he obeyed. He pushed off and was surprised for a moment that it was so easy to lift off, but then he looked down on his lord again. Michael had rammed his sword to the hilt into the earth. What was he doing? Azrael trusted his lord implicitly but this was suicidal. He faced an army of fae alone and unarmed._

_Azrael held his breath when a few fae ran at the kneeling archangel. Michael didn’t move. What did he intend with this? His death would help them not. Azrael let himself fall. He wouldn’t stand back while his lord was killed by their enemy. He heard his lord cry out but he was too busy fighting to take heed. He felt heat rise up and when he looked down he realised that flames were licking at his legs. The next moment he was burning. Azrael screamed._

Lucifer was already up, swords lifted to defend himself, before he was completely awake. He looked around for the threat that had woken him, but he couldn’t see anything in the red glow that lighted Eden even at night. Then he heard a scream and knew without a doubt that this was, what had woken him. It could only be Azrael and the angel sounded beside himself, something had to have happened.

Lucifer raced from the cave and leaped into the air. Azrael had kept away as he had ordered him to, he hadn’t seen him since they'd been dropped off here, only the fact that Azrael seemed to fetch his part of the rations the guards brought them, showed that he was still there. Lucifer was still mad because he had followed him, but if he was in danger, he wouldn’t fail him.

Lucifer saw already when he came in to land that it wasn’t a real danger. Azrael lay in a shallow hollow, protected from the wind by a large rock. He was sleeping and screaming himself hoarse. It was a wonder that he hadn’t woken himself yet. Lucifer sheathed his swords. “Azrael, wake up!” When he couldn’t wake him by shaking him, Lucifer slapped his cheek so hard his hand hurt. The angel’s eyes flew open.

“Lucifer! I...” He clung to him. At first Lucifer wanted to push him away, but then he reminded himself of the look in Azrael’s eyes. There had been so much pain. It was more than a nightmare. “What did you see?”, he murmured.

“Death!” Azrael’s voice sounded muffled because he had buried his face in Lucifer’s shirt, but he could still hear that he was close to tears. “My death.” Lucifer caressed his hair clumsily. It had to be awful to remember his own death. Azrael had died in Michael’s flames. Lucifer shook himself, what a horrible death. “Hush, it’s over", he said gently.

“Yes.” Azrael looked up at him with red rimmed eyes. “Did you know him well, the other Azrael?” Lucifer shook his head. “He was Michael’s man, he didn’t like me particularly, but I’m sure you know that. We tried to avoid each other as much as that was possible.” Lucifer stood up. Azrael had calmed down, he saw no reason to stay.

“Don’t leave me, please!” Azrael grabbed his shirt-sleeve. Lucifer sighed. “Azrael, I... I don’t want a servant and after everything that happened, I think I don’t want another friend, either.” But the eyes of the angel were so full of pain that he sat down again and let Azrael curl up against his side.

“So you really remember?”, he said softly. Azrael nodded silently. “And still you want to serve me, why?” “I remember all the bad, uneasy feelings the other Azrael had around you, but... I never felt like that. You were my hero.” Azrael looked up to him and Lucifer felt uneasy at the devotion in his eyes. “I admire you for doing what you think is right, even when everyone else thinks differently. When I realised I’m gay it was made easier by knowing that you are like me.”

Lucifer tensed, he hadn’t even thought that to be a possibility when the old Azrael had been so uptight about everything sexual. Maybe he had been wrong to treat this Azrael like the old one. “Though I don’t understand why you killed angels and made common cause with the fae”, Azrael continued, there was a question in his face but Lucifer didn’t want to answer that right now. He didn’t want to talk about Neynych. “Try to sleep”, he said and kissed his forehead. “I’ll wake you, if you have a bad dream again.”


	14. Chapter 14

Azrael peeked into the cave. He wouldn’t have dared a week ago, but Lucifer had been nice that night he’d had that horrible memory about his death. He hadn’t invited him to come back with him the next day, as Azrael had hoped, but he hadn’t told him again to leave, either. And now a storm was raging outside, sparks were flying through the air and the hot air burned in his lungs. He couldn’t stay outside.

“Don’t stand there, come in or leave.” Azrael jumped. He was sure he had moved soundlessly, but Lucifer had still noticed him.

“There’s a storm”, he said nervously. “Can I come in until it is over?”

“Sit down.” Lucifer gave him only a glance before continuing to sharpen the edge of his swords. They sat in silence for a while. Azrael squirmed around in the vain attempt to find a comfortable position on the naked stone floor. Lucifer had made a bed out of the long grass that grew on the hill, but Azrael didn’t dare to move so close to him.

“You could do me a favour, Azrael, if you are so inclined.” Lucifer pushed his swords back into their sheaths and stood up.

“Yes!” Azrael sat up straight. Lucifer was asking him for something and... He blushed when he saw Lucifer raise his eyebrows and Azrael realised that he was sounding a little too excited. “What can I do for you, Your Grace”, he asked a little more calmly.

“Come.” Lucifer led him to the back of the cave that narrowed to a tunnel. “The cave is very deep, I hope that we can find water in there, but it gets too narrow for me to get through”, Lucifer explained while they walked. As it became darker around them, Lucifer started to emanate light. “You are skinny and your wings are smaller than mine, maybe you can squeeze through.”

Azrael felt a grin come to his face. Who’d have thought that his small wings would someday be an advantage? “I’ll try, Your Grace.”

The tunnel became narrower, soon they had to walk behind one another. The stone was cool, the air surprisingly fresh. Azrael breathed more easy after the smoke outside. The floor fell away and they had to climb down a crumbly slope, the sound of the stones they pushed loose echoing around them. He felt a little uneasy about it, but he’d rather bitten his tongue off than to tell Lucifer.

“Here it is.” Lucifer squeezed against the wall so Azrael could walk past him. At first Azrael thought it was a blind end, he only saw the passage at a second glance. He stared at the archangel. Was he kidding him? The gap was high enough to stand but it looked barely wide enough for a child. “Will you try for me?”

“Yes”, Azrael heard himself say and cursed himself for it. Lucifer didn’t care for him, he only followed his own purposes – but Azrael would have done everything for him. He squeezed into the crack and made his own light with a little effort. Azrael pushed himself slowly forward, the rough stone scratched at his skin. He tried desperately not to think about what would happen if he got stuck, but he didn’t succeed completely. Just as he thought he would panic, the crack opened into a cave.

“I’m through!”, he called back.

“Can you see anything?”, Lucifer’s question came through.

Azrael strengthened his light and looked around. “Two tunnels fork off. Which should I take?”

“Always downwards.” Azrael nodded, he was already walking again, when he heard Lucifer say: “Be careful and don’t get lost.”

Azrael smiled, maybe he _did_ care after all.

Lucifer walked up and down the narrow tunnel. Azrael had been gone for a while. Too long? His guts clenched at the thought that the angel could be lost and wander around helplessly. He shouldn’t have let him go alone, but he couldn’t fit through the crack.

Lucifer admitted to himself that he was worried for Azrael. Why had he sent him in there? Yes, it would be nice to not be dependent on the water deliveries of their guards, but Lucifer had acted on a whim. He had wanted to see if Azrael would embark on such a mad undertaking simply because he asked him.

He shook his head. Azrael’s reaction to his request had reminded him of a dog who wagged his tail in expectation of a treat. The angel had left his home for him and now he had sent him into danger. Lucifer growled, angry with himself. He shouldn’t treat him so badly, the current situation wasn’t Azrael’s fault. The anger for his brothers still burned in Lucifer’s heart although he understood that Uriel and Raphael really hadn’t had a choice after he’d killed those angels.

Where was Azrael? Lucifer made a step in the direction of the crack before turning around again. It wouldn’t help Azrael if he got stuck in the attempt to help him. He leaned his forehead against the cool stone. He hoped with all his heart that Azrael would come back, he didn’t want to have the death of another angel, who was in some way one of his, on his shoulders. He liked Azrael since he’d tried so stubbornly to make him accept his services. His name had stopped him to do it – but just so.

Azrael stood in a tunnel and looked at the two ways before him. He had no idea where he had come from or if he was even on the right way. He had found water, even a lake, but where was the way back? Azrael turned around to look at the passage he had come from. Should he go back and hope to find the way out there? No, that made no sense, he would only get even more lost.

Azrael chose the right tunnel, because it led up. Maybe he was lucky and found the surface – and if he was very lucky, he’d see the hill from there. At first he didn’t notice the change in temperature, but soon he was sweating. Azrael looked nervously ahead. A red glow lighted the tunnel. Was he coming close to the burning layer?

He cursed himself for not taking a water skin with him, he could have used it now. Soon the heat became almost unbearable and Azrael acknowledged there was no getting through here. He had to go back – he only hoped he’d find the lake again – and try again.

Two days later an exhausted Azrael stumbled into Lucifer’s cave. He was dirty and scratched, dark rings were under his eyes. “Azrael!” Lucifer jumped up and embraced him before he could think otherwise. He had been so worried he had almost flown to the fortress to ask the angels for help. “I’m so relieved!”

“I was successful.” Azrael grinned at him, his teeth very white in his sooty face. “There’s a lake deeper down and now I’ll find the way.” He swayed and Lucifer held him tighter.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m famished”, Azrael answered, his cheeks had turned very pale.

“Sit down.” Lucifer led him to his bed before he could faint. He hadn’t had much of an appetite the last few days, there was more than enough of their food left. “Here.” He gave him bread and dried meat and the last apple he had kept for himself. Their guards didn’t let them go hungry, but the food was the best, fresh fruit was scarce.

Azrael looked surprised. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. You deserve it.” He sat down on the other side of the cave, putting a little distance between them. “So you found water?”

“Yes, but it is far and cumbersome. It gets nowhere as narrow as that crack again, but it is often steep, I had to climb. I think we should only use that lake in an emergency.”

“We?” Lucifer lifted his eyebrows.

“I thought...” Azrael hung his head. “Never mind.” He made to stand up and leave but Lucifer hurried to hold him back.

“No, stay. It’s still storming outside, you can stay for now.” Lucifer tried to act as if he were offering it only reluctantly, but he was glad that Azrael was back and unharmed and maybe he would let him stay after the storm – if he didn’t annoy him too much.


	15. Chapter 15

“What are you doing?” Azrael jumped and let go of the sword he had been inspecting. He’d thought Lucifer would be gone longer to fetch their food. The storm had been over for a few days and Lucifer had made no mention of him having to leave. Azrael wasn’t sure if that meant he was allowed to stay with him, but he didn’t intend to ask, just in case that reminded Lucifer how much his presence seemed to anger him. He quickly bowed to retrieve the weapon, but Lucifer was quicker.

“That’s not a toy”, he said sternly

“I know.” Arzael looked sheepishly at his feet. “I was just curious.”

“The former Azrael was a very good swordsman, how about you?”

“I’m not. I have memories of won fights I know I would lose today. I’m not the other Azrael, or I would be at Michael’s side now, not here.”

“Probably.” Lucifer nodded and offered him the sword by the hilt. “Show me what you can do.”

Lucifer grinned at him, it was the first smile Azrael saw from him since they were here, so he didn’t refuse however much he would have liked to. Lucifer started slowly, Azrael was sure that he was only playing with him. Lucifer was famous for his swordsmanship, Azrael knew that he had no chance against him – and once his motions got quicker, it became very obvious.

Azrael held very still when Lucifer’s sword touched his neck. The memories of the other Azrael told him what he had done wrong, how he should have moved to stop it, but he couldn’t do it.

“You are thinking too much”, Lucifer said. “Just let him lead.”

“No!” Azrael jerked back. As much as he wanted to please Lucifer, he wouldn’t allow the other Azrael to become more than memories. “I’m myself, I’m not him. If you want to teach me to fence, I’ll accept gladly, but it’s not his business.”

He could see that Lucifer didn’t understand and he couldn’t explain it to him. Lucifer had never died, he didn’t know how it was to be reborn, how it was to suddenly have memories of someone else. Of course they were being prepared for it, but Azrael had always feared that he might lose himself, if he looked too much at these memories. He was not like the other Azrael.

“As you wish. Did you do military service?”

“Of course." Every angel had to spend some time guarding the border to Eden. "But I was a bowman.”

Lucifer scrutinized him closely and shrugged. “As I have a lot of spare time, I suppose I can teach you to dance.”

“Dance?” Azrael heard his voice get squeaky and cursed himself.

“It is a dance, a dance of blades. You are standing all wrong.” Lucifer pushed his sword back in its sheath and pushed him so hard that Azrael stumbled and almost lost the sword again. “See? You aren’t balanced you can't fight that way. Put your right foot forward, your left behind it in a right angle and bend your right knee... farther. Keep your upper body upright... Now, make a step, reverse your feets' alignment... stay down, your body shouldn't move upwards during the step. Now, for a half-step..."

Azrael followed Lucifer's corrections as best as he could, while he made him walk up and down the cave, he was soon covered in sweat, his thighs burning and wondering what he'd gotten himself into. But if it meant spending time with Lucifer, he'd endure much more than this.

Zaphriel blinked when the blindfold was taken away from his eyes. It had taken a lot of back and forth between him, the fae, Neynych had introduced to Lucifer and their king until he’d decided to give him a chance to explain what had happened. He’d been led through a wood for what felt like hours and wasn’t sure if he still was in the New World or had been brought into their tunnels, Lucifer had talked of. His surroundings were bright and it took a while until his eyes showed him a sharp image. The fae king sat on a chair made of antlers and fabric woven with figures that seemed to move as Zaphriel looked at them.

“Your Majesty.” Zaphriel bowed to him. “Thank you for hearing me.”

“We want you to tell Us about the death of one of Our subjects. You let it be known that you have information.”

“Yes, Your Majesty. My Archangel was there to witness it and he took revenge for the death of... his friend.” The custom of the fae not to use names was strange to him and he weighed his words carefully. “I know it must look like my Archangel betrayed his friend – your subject – but that is not the truth. He wanted peace between angels and fae. He found angels attacking his friend and killed them, though he couldn’t save him. The other Archangels exiled him to Eden for murdering angels, he is imprisoned there.”

The fae king stretched like a cat. Zaphriel found the way he looked and moved deeply unsettling.

“Ah, I see... you wish me to free him, yes? And what would I get for that favour?”

Zaphriel kept his face carefully free of emotion, but it was hard.

“My Archangel would be... very grateful”, he said, not sure what was expected of him. He could not make promises in Lucifer’s stead, but he’d do almost anything to get Lucifer back. “And his people would be, too.”

The fae king nodded. “I will think about it and let you know my answer in due time. You can go.”

Zaphriels temper flared at being treated like that, but he gritted his teeth and bowed and let the fae who had brought him blindfold him again. He had been promised free passage in and out and the fae remained true to their words. Zaphriel was led back to where they’d started out, an unremarkable mountain slope not too near to their current hiding place.

They had found shelter with the angels Lucifer had got out of Eden after Gabriel had made the law against fornication. He had been worried at the time that it would cause problems, but now he was glad to not be alone – and to his surprise, those present had been eager to hear a plan to free Lucifer. He’d had a conversation with Nakael and the angel had told him how grateful they still were for Lucifer’s help. They had believed Lucifer’s side of the story without question.

Zaphriel had been hopeless after Lucifer had been exiled, but seeing the support of those angels had lifted him up a little. They'd find a way, with or without the fae.

~*~*~

Azrael slumped groaning on his bed. Lucifer had been teaching him for two weeks and the archangel was a merciless teacher. He was black and blue from the hits that had found their way through his guard. Lucifer was only hitting him with the flat of the blade, but he didn’t hold back. Azrael wasn’t sure if he thought it a necessary part of training or if he tried to get rid of him, or if he just like to beat him up. But at least he was still here, he was sure Lucifer would have told him if he wanted him to leave by now.

“You were good today”, Lucifer said and gave him the water skin.

“I don’t feel like it”, Azrael groaned and Lucifer laughed softly.

“No, I suppose not. Eat something and rest, we’ll continue in an hour.” Lucifer walked out of the cave and spread his wings.

“Where do you fly to?”

Lucifer sometimes vanished for hours. The archangel threw him a glare over his shoulder. “That’s none of your business.”

Azrael hobbled sighing to the bags with their supplies. Dried meat or salted fish? Azrael grimaced, he was tired of the meagre fare. He bit into a cooked potato that was left from yesterday and chewed on it without appetite.

Azrael looked out over the burning land. Not much was living there, but they had seen large lizards during the flights Lucifer had prescribed him as training. Azrael made a decision and took the hunting bow he had begged from their guard. He rand down the slope beating his wings quickly to take off. Maybe those animals were eatable.

South of their camp was a spot where the fire was receding under the earth, the lizards had been there – Lucifer had described to him that there was a layer in Eden’s earth that was smouldering after Michael had ignited it. It was just under the surface for the most part, but in some places it vanished, like on their hill. His body hurt so much that he wasn’t even sure he could even draw the bow, but he was so tired of what their guards brought them to eat.

Lucifer sailed deeper when he saw movement below him on his return. He'd started flying in ever larger cyrcles around their hill almost immediately after getting dropped of here, hoping to find fae - or someone else searching for him. For a moment he hoped... but it was only Azrael.

“What is that idiot doing there?”, he murmured.

He saw that the angel had difficulties, he stumbled and buckled while he tried to lift something. Lucifer touched down with a bad feeling and started to cough immediately when a cloud of smoke drifted by. The earth cracked worryingly under his steps.

“What are you doing?”

“I didn’t feel like dried meat and thought I’d hunt.” Azrael’s eyes were red-rimmed and his voice sounded hoarse. “But I can’t lift it.”

Lucifer wrinkled his nose as he looked at the lizard that had still an arrow in his eye. At least he was a good shot. “I don’t think those are edible. Something that smells like this...” Lucifer jumped back when a hole opened under his foot. “We have to leave!”

Azrael nodded reluctantly, but he was coughing too, the smoke became thicker. Lucifer was fuming but he put the tongue-lashing aside for when they found back to the cave, he needed his whole concentration to stay in the air. The little idiot! What had he been thinking?

Azrael fell to his knees in front of the cave and vomited. He felt awful, the earth spun around him, cold sweat stood on his forehead. He had underestimated how harmful the smoke was and it had been useless, the lizard had been too heavy. Azrael almost didn’t dare to lift his eyes, Lucifer would be furious. He’d probably spoiled things with him for good. He closed his eyes in resignation.

Azrael staggered into the cave, he had to brace himself on the wall so he didn’t fall.

“Can I take one of the water skins with me?”, he slurred.

“Where do you think you are going?” Lucifer’s voice was just a croak.

“I screwed up. You surely want me gone.”

“Nonsense. Yes, you did screw up. That was a horrible idea! No, I won't throw you out.” Lucifer shook his head and lifted his hands to his temples as if he feared his head would roll off. “Lie down. You look as ill as I feel.”

Azrael was surprised that he wasn’t shouting at him, but he felt so bad that he couldn’t think about it now. He laid down and closed his eyes, breathing deeply and concentrating on no vomiting again.


	16. Chapter 16

They slept in next morning and Lucifer decided they would make a break in their lessons today. “Why did you go out there? You should have realised that the smoke is bad!”, he growled. Azrael hunched his shoulders, but he was secretly relieved. Lucifer sounded a little cross, but not like he'd throw him out.

“I was sick of dried meat”, he said embarrassed. Lucifer was right, he should have known that it was a bad idea. “I thought maybe we can eat the lizards, at least their meat is fresh.”

“The fae eat the things”, Lucifer muttered, “but I wouldn’t imitate them. They taste horrible and I get stomach aches from the meat.”

They fell silent again. Azrael would have liked to ask about Lucifer’s relationship with the fae, but he didn’t dare. Why had he allied with the enemy? Lucifer of all people, who had sworn to take revenge for his men. He still wore the belt with the notches that counted the fae he’d killed. It was Lucifer who finally broke the silence.

“Why did you follow me, if you think me a traitor?”, he asked as if he’d heard his thoughts. “You didn’t even confront me about it.”

Azrael huffed. Confront him! As if he’d dare.

“I always wanted to serve you, you know that – and no one else came with you. I know you said you ordered your people not to, but I didn’t know that. And it felt right.”

Lucifer sighed. “I didn’t want anyone to share my fate, but now that you are here... I’m glad to not be alone.”

Azrael felt happiness well up in his heart. He’d done the right thing! He wasn’t only a burden to Lucifer. But now Lucifer had started the topic and he needed to ask: “Why did you do it?”

“What?”

“Kill those angels.”

Azrael tensed, not sure how he’d react, but Lucifer only sighed.

“They killed a fae who was my friend. I know killing them in turn was wrong, but I can’t feel remorse for it. They murdered him and I knew they wouldn’t be brought to justice. I... snapped, went too far.”

“But they are enemies!” Azrael couldn’t hide his disbelief.

“Not through their fault. And that fae in particular wasn’t an enemy, he was a good person who didn’t even eat meat because he couldn’t kill.” Azrael jumped when Lucifer stood up and walked up and down in the cave. “You don’t understand.”

“Then explain it to me!”, Azrael begged. “Please! I grew up on the stories of you hunting fae in the New World to revenge your comrades. What changed?” Lucifer stopped in his pacing and looked at Azrael who met his eyes. “Please, I want to understand you”, he continued softly. “I’m sure you had a reason.”

Lucifer hesitated, but then he sat down beside him again and said with a deep breath: “Let me tell you a little story I heard from the fae:

_Once there was nothing, only two brothers and they loved each other dearly. For a long time they were content together but slowly they realised that they were alone in the wide emptiness around them. Together they made a realm in the emptiness and people to life therein, but as they ordered everything to their liking, they realised how different they were. They parted in anger and each of them decided to make other realms that were completely their own, but because they didn’t want to give up their original creation, they linked their second realms to it._

That was when we came into being”, Lucifer continued. “We were Jahwe’s second creation and the fae that of his brother, who’s name they never speak, they simply call him ‘the Maker’. The fae say, Jahwe wanted to have the humans for his own and he was ready to spill blood to win over his brother. It was not the fae, who killed the angels, whose deaths led to the war. It was one of us ordered by Jahwe.”

Azrael stared at him. “That can’t be true!”

“I could never find out who was the murderer, but I believe Neynych.”

“You have this from a fae?” Azrael couldn't believe it. Why would he believe something like that coming from the enemy?

“I had my sword at his throat when he told me. He had nothing to win by telling me such an outrageous lie. He was in Eden, when it happened, and his surprise when I blamed the fae for the war was real. I had no reason to be favourably inclined towards him, you surely know that I hunted the fae mercilessly at that time, but what he said sounded so absurd that it could only be the truth.”

“But why would an angel do that?”

Lucifer sighed. “Would you question an order given by Jahwe?”

“No.” Azrael lowered his head. “Of course not. Do you have any idea, who...”

"No. I searched for evidence but I could never find out. And Neynych is dead.” Lucifer’s voice broke at the last words and he blinked away tears.

“You liked him very much, didn’t you?”, Azrael asked slowly. Lucifer looked so stricken with grief.

“He was my friend. I met him often, I was curious. The fae are not the monsters we thought them to be. I thought it would be better to make peace with them. I met their king once, to talk about it. But I made the mistake to keep it a secret from my brothers. And then... it was too late.” Lucifer sighed. “I’m not a traitor, but I know how it looks.”

Azrael shook his head. “I don’t know what to think, but I trust you, Your Grace.”

“Why?” Lucifer resumed his pacing. “You barely know me!”

“I know that you are loyal to your men. The old Azrael might not have liked you, but he did admire you for the way you treated your men. And I know what you did for those of us who were discovered or close to it, I don’t need to know more.”

Lucifer looked surprised at him. “You are gay?” Azrael nodded. “In that case, I’m surprised you didn’t come to me sooner.”

“I knew you didn’t want me.” Azrael looked at the floor. “I didn’t want you to accept me just because of _that._ And I was save in Raphael’s service.” Azrael shivered, he was so deeply in Raphael’s depth for his mercy. It would have been so easy for him to condemn him, but he hadn’t. “Raphael... knew about me.” Azrael blushed as he remembered how he’d found out. He couldn’t tell Lucifer _that._ “But he was never anything but kind to me. I couldn’t have left him just for myself. I did it only because I thought you... needed me.”

What a foolish thought that had been. But Lucifer smiled kindly.

“I wouldn’t say that I _need_ you, but I’ve grown fond of you, Azrael.” He looked at the wall on the other side of the cave for a moment, his face thoughtful. “I know you’ve been afraid I’d send you away again, if you did anything to anger me. I won’t. And I don’t want you to think twice about everything you say, my people can be honest with me. Be yourself, Azrael.”

Azrael smiled at him. “Thank you.” His people... had Lucifer just counted him amongst them? Azrael wasn’t sure if he’d really meant it like that, but it still felt good. “Will you tell me more?”, he asked shyly.

“About the fae?” Lucifer shrugged. “I might as well, if you are interested. Just... don’t ask about Neynych, yet. It still hurts too much.”

Azrael reached out slowly and squeezed his hand, ready to pull back if his comfort wasn’t wanted, but Lucifer only turned his hand a little and squeezed back.


	17. Chapter 17

Azrael wiped the sweat from his forehead, they’d finished a sparring session before Lucifer had left for another swipe of their surroundings. He’d told him finally that he was searching for fae. Azrael would have liked to come with him and help him, but Lucifer had declined. According to him, the fae were very distrustful of angels – Azrael couldn’t blame them for that – and wouldn’t react well to him if they found him alone. He probably wouldn’t be able to keep up with Lucifer, anyway, he hadn’t forgotten their flight here.

His muscles ached pleasantly, he was getting fitter and quicker, Lucifer was still much better than him, but he didn’t get as much bruises from their sessions as in the beginning. His blood was rushing quickly through his veins and his whole body thrummed with life. Truth was, he was hopelessly aroused. He didn’t have much time to admire Lucifer when they fought, but he was a beguiling sight when he showed him something slowly and the closeness to his body... Azrael slid down the wall groaning.

He’d fantasised about Lucifer since he was old enough to know what it meant to desire somebody and the fact that they slept so close to each other didn’t make it any better. But for now he was alone. Azrael opened his trousers and slid his hand inside, imagining Lucifer beside him, naked and aroused...

_Lucifer licked the sweat from Azrael’s bare chest, his teeth closed around his nipple. Azrael moaned and arched into his touch. “Do you want more?”, Lucifer asked with a grin, his fingers teased Azrael’s cock. “Yes”, Azrael groaned. “Please.” Lucifer’s lips swallowed any further sound. Oily fingers opened him and Azrael’s fingers dug into Lucifer’s shoulders. He wanted him so much! Lucifer laughed softly, his lips left Azrael’s to descend on his neck, marking him._

Lucifer alighted in front of the cave, his hand shooting to his sword when he heard a moan from inside. He smiled when he registered the cadence. Azrael was using his absence in a special way. He tiptoed into the cave, Azrael leaned sitting against the wall, his eyes were closed. He stroked his arousal with one hand, tugging on his nipples with the other. He was breathing quickly, his temples dark with sweat. His eyelashes were long, his dark, almost black hair clung to his neck.

Lucifer licked his lips, his mouth was dry. He’d felt drawn to him for a while now, Azrael was handsome and knowing that he had the right inclinations had made him even more attractive. But he hadn’t shown it, fearing it would lead to complications – he’d have to live with him for an unknown time and bringing sex into it wouldn’t make it easier. And Azrael was trying so hard to please him, he hadn’t been sure he could be certain about Azrael’s motives, should he react favourably to his advances. But... Lucifer touched his own growing erection.

“Lucifer”, Azrael croaked, his name hit Lucifer like a lightning bolt. He checked twice, but Azrael’s eyes were still closed, his fantasy was about him. Lucifer smiled widely. If he’d wanted any proof that Azrael desired him, he probably had received it right now. Slowly he knelt beside Azrael and bowed forward to catch his slightly parted lips with his. Azrael jumped, his eyes flying open.

“Lucifer!”, he gasped.

“Why not make your fantasy come true?”, Lucifer murmured and threaded his hand in his hair kissing him again, deeper. Azrael slung his arm around his neck and returned the kiss eagerly. He groaned when Lucifer cuped Azrael’s arousal with his free hand. He smiled when he felt Azrael’s hands fumbling with the fastenings of his trousers, he’d obviously overcome his startlement.

“I want you”, Azrael moaned. “Lucifer, I want you. Fuck me!”

Lucifer bit his earlobe and reached for where he kept his weapon oil, he didn’t need more of an invitation. “Get out of those clothes”, he growled at Azrael.

Azrael gasped for air, his head lay on Lucifer’s chest, he could hear his heart race. Had this really happened? The body beside him felt all too real. He’d just had sex with Lucifer! Azrael didn’t know what to do. Lucifer opened his blue eyes.

“You think too much, Azrael”, he said stroking his forehead.

“To the contrary, my head is completely empty. I don’t know what to say.”

Azrael sat up, his arms slung around his knees. A tense silence could have followed, but Lucifer would have none of it. He embraced him and kissed his shoulder.

“You don’t have to be embarrassed. It’s sex, nothing more and nothing less, and we’ll do it again, if you want to. _I’d_ like to. You just have to understand one thing: I don’t believe in love. You are a beautiful man and I like you, but we’ll never be a couple.”

Azrael felt heat rise to his face, Lucifer thought him beautiful...

“I never searched for love. How should that be possible when we have to hide?”, he answered.

Lucifer smiled and kissed the corner of his mouth. “Say, did you want to serve me because of that?”

Azrael shook his head. “No. Of course I adored you, many did, but I wanted already to serve you before I knew that I desire men. You won’t remember, but we met at the market one day, when I was a child.” Azrael smiled pensively. “I couldn’t hear enough about you afterwards. It was, as if Jahwe had shown me my way. I was sorry to disappoint Michael, he was like an uncle to me.” He touched the pendant he wore around his neck. “Back then everyone thought I would follow in the footsteps of my old self. Can you imagine how guilty I felt? It was almost a relief when I realised that I’m... different because I knew that Michael wouldn’t want me like that. I didn’t feel obliged any longer.”

“Michael is a fool.” Lucifer kissed his shoulder, his finger slid up Azrael’s wing joint, where the skin was especially sensitive. Azrael shivered and he turned his head to kiss Lucifer again. “How did you come to serve Raphael?”, Lucifer asked and Azrael tried to gather his wits together.

“My mother.” Azrael felt his heart ache. Raphael had been right. He _should_ have said goodbye, but it was too late now. “She is one of his healers and worships the ground he walks on. She did never like that I tried to enter your service and when it became clear that you wouldn’t accept me, she convinced me to try it with Raphael. I wasn’t elated at first, but I knew I hadn’t much of a choice. Raphael told me, I could leave whenever I wanted and that made me try in earnest and I realised I loved that work. I owe Raphael so much. He was a good teacher and he hand his people took good care of me when my memories started to come back. He knew that I desire men and never sold me out. He is such a gentle and... good person." He looked earnestly at Lucifer. "I belong to you, heart and soul, Lucifer, but if Raphael should come to grief through your actions, you’ll have me against you.”

“I hope it will never come to it.” Lucifer caressed his hair and Azrael couldn’t discern if he was making fun of him or if he meant it. It wasn’t like he’d have had any chance against Lucifer in a real fight.


	18. Chapter 18

Azrael stretched until his joints popped. It had started to rain in the night, a rare thing in Eden, and the air was humid but also cooler than usual. He padded to the cave entrance and looked out into the fog that had risen from the hot ground. The sun was just a bright, blurry disk in the sky.

Azrael’s eyes caught a movement in the fog. He narrowed his eyes. What was that? The shape was too big for the few animals living in Eden. Did he dare hope that after all these years...

“Lucifer?”

The archangel must have heard something in his voice, he had his swords in hand when he came to his side.

“There.” Azrael pointed at the shadow that seemed to come closer. “What do you think that is?”

Lucifer peered into the fog. “I don’t know. Let’s go and see.”

Lucifer offered him one of his swords and Azrael accepted it. He was sure that Lucifer could take better care of them both but he didn’t want to be dead weight and he had gotten much better with a sword in the last years. Still, the thought of meeting an enemy out there made his guts clench - if it really was an enemy. He knew Zaphriel, Lucifer’s right hand, was supposed to bargain with the fae to search for Lucifer.

He followed Lucifer down the hill, and Azrael realised that it were more than one person.

“Are these fae?”, Azrael asked when the people came into focus.

It were three, two looked like angels without wings, the third one looked like a tree, skin like bark and hair of think branches with leaves. Lucifer nodded, a wide smile on his face.

“Fae!”, he called at them.

“Archangel!” One of the angellike fae waved at them. “We are looking for you.”

Azrael threw Lucifer an excited look. “Zaphriel”, Lucifer formed silently with his lips, hope shining in his eyes. Azrael felt his heart beat quicker, freedom suddenly within reach. They’d managed to build a routine between them in their solitude, but it would be good to get out. Lucifer’s thoughts had been turning ever darker. More set on revenge than helping his people.

“What did you want from me?” Lucifer stopped a few steps away from them.

“The king sends us. Your captain assured us that freeing you would give us an advantage. We’ve been seeking for you for a while. Are you going to come with us?”

“What does your king want from me?” Lucifer frowned warily.

“That’s not for me to tell you.”

“Fine.” Lucifer sighed, Azrael could see that he wasn’t very happy to not know the price for the fae’s help. “We’ll come with you.”

Lucifer turned to him and kissed him passionately, Azrael leaned into it with a happy sigh, knowing that he’d have to share him soon. It wouldn’t be easy, but he wouldn’t make trouble for Lucifer, he’d be happy with what he was allowed to have. He’d probably had already more years with Lucifer’s undivided attention than anyone else.

“I’ll see what Zaphriel promised the king and you’ll get to know my people.” Lucifer smiled at him before his eyes became hard. “And then we’ll take revenge.”

He wanted to make the archangels pay for his imprisonment. Azrael didn’t know, if he really saw it like that. Not, that he wouldn’t follow Lucifer and he knew it would also mean being able to be himself in the open, if he won, but revenge for his imprisonment... Lucifer _had_ killed these angels, no matter how justified his rage had been.

Lucifer bowed his head to the fae king who had granted him a private audience. He was unbelievably relieved to have escaped the surface of Eden. He was still in the Underground City but the New World and his freedom was close.

“What did my captain promise you in exchange for helping me escape?”, he asked after the usual polite nothings.

He hoped Zaphriel hadn’t been too forthcoming. It irked him that he wasn’t prepared, but they hadn’t let him talk to his friend, surely to have the advantage on their side. Lucifer didn’t delude himself, they were at the fae king’s mercy.

“I regret that I couldn’t elicit a definite pledge from him.” The fae king smiled thinly. “He told me he is your servant and can’t decide for you, but he held out that you won’t be averse to my undertaking. And if you are... well, Eden isn’t far.” His smile became wicked.

Lucifer gritted his teeth. He hated when other’s had an advantage over him and the fae king enjoyed it too much.

“What is it about?", he asked.

“We want our home back. I want you to help me to chase the angels out, they’ve become too comfortable on Earth. I imagine that you attack them in Patris so my people can handle the remnant on Earth. Ideally, you win and assume command. That would be beneficial to your revenge, too.”

Lucifer laughed. “Me and what army? I have eleven angels that are loyal to me and maybe a little more than fifty of whom I don’t know if they will acknowledge me as their leader. I don’t see myself openly attacking my brothers.”

The fae king seemed to be exhilarated by that. “Talk to your captain. You’ll see that you won a lot of new followers in your absence. Take some time to consider, be my guest for the time being.”

Lucifer stood up, the audience over, and went looking for Zaphriel. He wanted revenge, but he hadn’t dared hope that it could be really possible. He wanted revenge and he knew that he would rule better than them – more justly.

“The king told me that we had an increase in soldiers. Why is that?” Zaphriel looked like he wanted to hug him when Lucifer entered his room without knocking. “It’s good to see you, too, Zaphriel,” Lucifer said and gripped his shoulders. “I’d almost given up hope. Thank you.”

“Everything for you, Lucifer.” Zaphriel took a deep breath. “I hope you’ll approve of the decisions I made in your absence.” Lucifer sat down with him and made an encouraging motion with his hand. “When we had to leave Patris so hurriedly, I didn’t know what to do. Two days after your banishment, Raziel came to me and demanded to hear what had happened. He was furious with you but when I told him everything I knew, he became a little calmer. I think, he believed at first, what the archangels said, that you had betrayed them.”

Lucifer laughed mirthlessly. “What an irony, that they pushed me now into doing what I had no intention of originally. Go on.”

“He told me in return that Gabriel and Michael were searching for us, but they haven’t found us yet and so I’m sure Uriel hasn’t read in Raziel’s mind where we can be found. I think Raziel whispered into some ears because a lot of people showed up over the years. Soldiers who remembered serving you in their former life, people who wanted to leave because of the Law, men and women both, we are 486 people now. I couldn’t send them away, Lucifer. I know you didn’t want to be responsible for others again, but...”

“It’s fine. I’d rather have them here than in a world where they are hunted down.” Lucifer closed his eyes. He’d been afraid for years that one of his friends might be killed and now he intended to lead them into a war that would certainly claim victims. “You know what the fae king wants me to do?”

“Yes.” Zaphriel eyed him closely. “Are you going to agree?”

“Yes, if he helps a little more, we can’t do it alone. All these people don’t deserve to be expelled from their homeland. With the help of the fae we are going to conquer Patris. I know it’s going to be bloody, but in the end it’s going to be the best for everyone. Angels like Gabriel and Michael shouldn’t be allowed to rule.”

Zaphriel nodded and knelt down. “Allow me to renew my oath, Your Grace.”

Lucifer laid his hand on his head. “I grant it”, he said and felt nothing but gratefulness for Zaphriel’s loyalty.

He hadn’t wanted to be a ruler again, after he’d lost so many of his friends, but it was time. He was Archangel, he was soldier and commander. These people looked up to him, they wanted to be lead by him and if he led them as well as he could he wouldn’t need to blame himself. He would accept their oaths of loyalty, Azrael’s first after Zaphriel. The angel had wanted this for so long. Lucifer helped Zaphriel up and embraced him.

“Thank you, my friend. Thank you for staying with me through all the hard times.”

Azrael looked up when Lucifer barged into his room, he’d been gone for quite a while.

“We are going to war”, Lucifer said with a grim look. “We’ll help the fae to reclaim their home and take the rule over Eden from the Archangels.”

Azrael wasn’t sure if he should be happy about that. Lucifer had talked ever more about revenge the longer they had been caught in Eden. He felt like Lucifer was losing sight of his original goal. He had always wanted to remove the Law – at least Azrael had thought so – not fight the archangels.

“The two of us?” Azrael smiled wryly.

“No. It looks like I have almost five hundred men, not all soldiers but ready to fight for me and the fae king is going to help us. It’s what he wants for our freedom. We attack Patris so the fae can push the angels out of the New World. We still need to talk particulars but I think we can make it into a promising plan.”

“Are you sure the fae king doesn’t just want us and the other angels to kill each other.”

“Pessimist.” Lucifer bumped his shoulder against Azrael’s. “I don’t think so, but I’ll be careful. Nothing is settled, yet.” He suddenly looked very seriously at him. “I can understand if you don’t want to go this way with me. I’m sure Raphael wouldn’t deny you, if you wanted to return, and you never swore an oath to me. I’d only ask you not to tell what you hear here.”

Azrael stared at him. Was he serious? “I belong at your side, Lucifer. I’ll only leave you if you send me away. And the reason that I never swore you an oath is because you didn’t let me.”

“You still want to? Although you know now where my way leads me?”

“Of course. I’m your friend, Lucifer, and if you’d let me, I’d gladly swear loyalty to you. How can you doubt that?” Azrael might have been hurt if it weren’t for the sincere smile that lighted Lucifer’s face.

“I just wanted to be sure before I ask you to swear yourself to me. Do you want to do so now?”

Azrael knew that his mouth was hanging open. He was dreaming and he’d wake any moment. He pinched himself.

“You are awake, Azrael.” Lucifer smiled. “What do you say?”

Azrael hurried to kneel to Lucifer. “I’m ready, Your Grace, I’ve been ready for centuries.” Azrael had tears in his eyes, this was the most important moment of his life.

“You know the words?”, Lucifer ask, laying his hand on Azrael’s head.

“Yes.” Azrael spoke the words of the oath clearly, but his lips were trembling, happiness almost overwhelming him.

“Stand up, liegeman.” Lucifer kissed his cheeks and, a little loner, his mouth, Azrael was sure that wasn’t part of the oath. “You are going to be one of my captains. My friend, my confidant.”

“Thank you.” Azrael’s tears flowed over. He was a little embarrassed of it, but he couldn’t help it. He was proud and touched and so happy!

Lucifer embraced him. “Thank you for your patience and endurance. It was harder for you than for all the others of my inner circle, but I wasn’t ready, yet.”

“I know.” Azrael kissed him again. “I don’t reproach you for it. I wouldn’t want to have your responsibility.”


	19. Chapter 19

The fae king had asked Lucifer to meet him once more before they left for the New World and this time Zaphriel and Azrael had come with him. Lucifer felt the tenseness between them. He had to make clear soon that they both were equally in his favour, he needed them united not as rivals.

The king received them in the armoury standing in front of a column that held a large ball of metal.

“Before you leave I want to make you a present in the hope of a successful cooperation.”

“Thank you”, Lucifer said as the king indicated the metal lump, he wasn’t sure what to do with it. “It is star-iron, fallen from the sky. It is very light when processed. The armour made from it weighs hardly more than your leather-harness but are much more resistant. I offer you to have a harness forged for you.”

Lucifer eyed the lump of metal, it didn’t look like much, but a harness like the fae king described it was worth more than its weigh in gold.

“I accept your offer”, Lucifer said, knowing that it was not really a gift but one more thing to put him in the fae king’s depth.

They’d been negotiating for days, Lucifer always knowing that he was in the weaker position, but they’d finally come to an agreement. Lucifer would attack one of the castles at the border to Eden – the was a guard, technically, but it usually was small and they wouldn’t expect him. He would dig in, make the archangels turn their attention on him so the fae could retake their home. The fae king would supply him through a tunnel that would be dug to the castle and send soldiers once his standing in the New World was secure. Lucifer knew it wasn’t the best bargain for him, but there wasn’t a better solution right now. He needed to fae to defeat the archangels, even with more followers than he’d expected.

“My new captain needs a weapon”, he said.

They couldn’t go on sharing his weapons, it would feel good to fight with two swords again. The fae king nodded.

“He can chose one from my stock.”

Azrael smiled at Lucifer and turned to the weapons. Lucifer had expected him to choose a sword, but he seemed to be drawn away from them to a spear, a beautiful weapon with a blade as long as his forearm and sharpened on one side, the shaft was dark, smooth wood reinforced with steel. Azrael had a curious glint in his eyes when he whirled it around. Lucifer could see that he flowed with it and Azrael grinned at him when he caught him looking.

“Feels right somehow”, he said with a shrug.

Lucifer smiled back with a nod. “Then take it.”

~*~*~

Lucifer with Zaphriel and Azrael followed their guide through the tunnels of the fea realm, it was the same treelike fae who had found him and Azrael in Eden.

“With your permission, archangel, I’ll bring you to one of my brethren who’d like to talk to you, before you go your way.” Lucifer intended to finally meet with his people. “You know him, I think?”

Lucifer stared at him. Could it be? Was Neynych not dead? But he had see him fall!

“The one called Neynych?”, he asked with trembling voice and the fae nodded with a smile. “But...”

“He’ll explain everything to you, archangel.”

“Then lead me to him.”

Azrael and Zaphriel shared surprised glances. He had told them both about Neynych’s death. Lucifer followed the fae with racing heart. He would see his friend again, it felt like the moment he’d heard that Gabriel was reborn – he hoped it would turn out better. They stepped over the border and into a green wood. Lucifer breathed the air deeply, enjoying to not smell smoke. He knew this place.

“I want you to stay here”, he said to his friends. He needed to meet Neynych alone, without anyone watching.

“But...”

“You can’t!”

Zaphriel threw Azrael a withering glance because they’d spoken at the same time. Lucifer sighed inwardly, he hoped they’d get over it – it probably didn’t help that Zaphriel had known the other Azrael.

“That’s an order!”

He wouldn’t let them discuss every decision he made. Azrael closed his mouth looking a little terrified, he hadn’t talked to him like that in a long time and even Zaphriel stopped arguing although his eyes said that he hadn’t heard the last of it.

Lucifer followed the fae deeper into the wood, it was the way to Neynych’s house as Lucifer soon realised. The ancient oak that had guarded the glade had withered but next to it another tree had grown, not as mighty, yet, but already tall and strong and Neynych sat with his back leaned against its trunk.

“Lucifer.” He smiled widely at him. “You took your time.”

“I was impeded.” Lucifer looked wonderingly at him. “How?”

“As long as this forest lives, I can’t truly die.” Neynych caressed the tree’s bark. “I have to talk to you, Lucifer, I know now who the murderer was.” He, who'd started all this - he hadn't thought about him in a long time. Lucifer felt a surge of hatred. “I was still there, after my body died, before my soul settled down in an acorn. I saw you avenging me and although I hate death, I felt satisfaction. Then HE came.”

“Who?”, Lucifer growled. He'd make him pay.

“Their leader. The one who took you captive.”

Metatron. Lucifer’s hatred flared up. He’d never liked the angel and Neynych’s words proved him right. He gritted his teeth. If he got hold of him, even Jahwe wouldn’t be able to save him. Lucifer regarded the oak and thought with dread of Neynych’s words, an acorn... Only now did he realise how long he’d truly been gone. What if he was too late to save anyone? Lucifer clenched his fists. No, he mustn’t think like that! Everything would turn out right. He would make it right!

Azrael felt Zaphriel’s burning glare. The angel had been hostile from the moment he had entered the fae city at Lucifer’s side.

“I’m his friend, too, you know?”, he said softly.

He didn’t want strife between them, they had to talk this out before they started a war.

Zaphriel huffed. “I see something around your neck, that makes me doubt your words.”

Azrael reached for the pendant. “You think I’m one of Michael’s? Do you think me a spy?” The idea was so absurd that Azrael couldn’t even feel offended.

“I know Michael wanted you to enter his service again since you were a child. I think you only want to find out what Lucifer intends”, Zaphriel growled. “I don’t know how you convinced Lucifer to trust you, but I don’t.”

“It is true that Michael was close to me, in my last life and in my childhood, but I never entered his service in this life. You might know I was one of Raphael’s healers.”

“That says nothing.”

Azrael rolled his eyes. Did he really need to be more blunt?

“I favour men, if you have to know. Do you really think I’d want to serve Michael when he does everything to make life hard for my kind? I’m Lucifer’s friend, just like you. I don’t want to take your place, I couldn’t fill it anyway, but I won’t leave Lucifer’s side. There’ll soon be war, don’t you think that we should try to get along under these circumstances?”

“You might be right.” Zaphriel gave him a hard look. “But I’ll keep my eyes on you – and if you betray him, I’ll kill you.”

Azrael believed every word, he was glad that he didn’t intend to betray Lucifer. Zaphriel would hopefully come to realise that he was trustworthy. They fell back into a chill silence.

“You aren’t fighting? Good”, Lucifer said when he came back.

He looked happy and Azrael felt a small stab of jealousy. He knew how much that fae had meant - _still_ meant to Lucifer.

'Get over it', he admonished himself. It would do none of them any good if he felt that way.

“It was Metatron who committed the murders that lead to the war", Lucifer said, his face becoming serious and Azrael felt a shiver run down his spine. "Neynych recognised him.”

“What are we going to do now?” Zaphriel clenched his fists. “He needs to be brought to justice!”

“He is going to get what he deserves!" Azrael didn't like the look in Lucifer's eyes. Yes, Metatron deserved to be brought to justice for all the deaths he had caused, directly and indirectly, but he feared the dark thoughts Lucifer sometimes indulged in. “But first I want to meet my people. Those who’ve always followed me and those who came to you after my imprisonment. They should all know what is going to happen before they commit themselves. And then we go to war.”

Azrael shivered. He was glad to be out and he’d follow Lucifer into any danger, but he wasn’t sure if his freedom was worth the death of other angels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally decided to try out tumblr. Come chat with me: [@chrissystriped](https://chrissystriped.tumblr.com/)


	20. Chapter 20

Lucifer stood grinning in the courtyard of the fortress, they had come in the night and flown high to not be seen. The fifty soldiers who guarded the fortress hadn’t had a chance against five hundred. It had felt good to fight again although he regretted to have to fight his own people, their leaders’ mistakes weren’t their fault. He’d given the order to take captive but not kill if it could be helped, but there was blood on his blade. He shook the grief off, there would be more deaths.

Zaphriel came running, his face serious. “Two enemies got away, we tried to shoot them out of the sky but it was too dark.”

“It’s fine. The archangels can know that I’m back." Lucifer growled. He looked forward to meeting Michael in battle. "Make sure the fortifications are strengthened.” Lucifer slapped Zaphriel’s armoured back. “You fought well, my friend.”

Zaphriel accepted the compliment with a bow. “It feels good to fight by your side again and have a goal. It was hard to not lose hope in the last years.”

“But you freed me in the end. I’m glad that you didn’t give up on me or I’d still be stuck in Eden.”

They parted at the gate. Zaphriel went to see that a guard rotation was set up and Lucifer walked to the mess hall Azrael had spontaneously turned into a hospital. He was just binding the wound on the arm of one of their soldiers. Lucifer gulped when he saw the shrouded figures lying on the floor.

“How is it?”

“Four dead on our side”, Azrael said following his look, “and ten more or less badly hurt, they’ll all make it. We had superior numbers on our side, next time won’t be so easy." He frowned and Lucifer knew that he was worrying.

“Yes. The fallen shall be burned with full honours, the defenders, too. We are one people, it is not the common soldiers’ fault that we are on different sides, they fought valiantly.”

Azrael nodded with a sad look on his face. “I’ll see to it.”

“How are the defenders?” He’d let the survivors put under guard, he was sure Azrael had tended to them, too. “Nine dead, your order not to kill was followed well. Twenty two lightly wounded, ten with deeper cuts but good chances, seven badly wounded, we’ll see how it looks tomorrow.” Azrael sighed and looked around at the other angels who were sharing his duties. “I’m glad I don’t have to do this alone”, he added. “They aren’t trained by Raphael, but they are better than nothing.”

Lucifer squeezed his shoulder and walked through the hall to talk to his injured soldiers. It was good for both them and him.

Later that day Azrael went to the rooms Lucifer had occupied. Lucifer didn’t want to show their close relationship in public, he didn't play favourites, but he needed him now. Lucifer sat on the couch of the former commandant, Azrael walked over without a word, knelt and laid his head on his lap.

“I’m so afraid, Lucifer”, he whispered. It had been so much easier when it had only been the two of them.

“Why?” Lucifer caressed his hair soothingly.

“I’m not Raphael, I can’t heal by imposition of hands. Many he could save are going to die.”

“War demands sacrifices, don’t think that doesn’t touch me, but it is that way. You are going to grow with your task, I trust you.” Lucifer kissed his ear. Azrael was still worried but Lucifer’s trust in him made him more calm.

“Thank you. When do you think are they going to attack?” Azrael was glad that Raphael, as a healer, surely wouldn’t fight. To meet him on the battlefield was an awful thought.

"Soon." Lucifer sighed. “I hope, the fae king won’t desert us.”

“You think he’d go back on his promise?”

“No”, Lucifer shook his head. “Not outright. But I think he might use some excuse to not have to not send us help and stay in the New World to fight.”

Azrael was as aware as Lucifer that they couldn’t fight the archangels alone. Seizing a fortress with superior forces and the moment of surprise on their side was one thing, fighting the archangels’ troops another. They had done this to make the archangels redraw everyone from the New World, after all, if it worked, they’d bear the brunt, not the fae.

“I had no other choice”, Lucifer said as if he’d heard his thoughts. “It can work if he keeps his promise. We have to trust in his honour.”

Azrael nodded. He hadn’t much faith in the fae king, but he didn’t say it. Lucifer had made his decision.

“What are you going to do with the prisoners?”, he finally said softly, not sure if he wanted to broach that topic now. Lucifer’s gentle hand on his hair halted.

“You sound worried. What do you think I’ll do?", he asked in a whisper and Azrael knew he'd hurt him.

“You are so full of hatred...”

“For Michael and Gabriel, yes, but these soldiers just did their duty. I won’t hurt them, they are my people. I’m going to let them go.”

“What?” Azrael stared at him, that was the least he'd expected.

Lucifer smiled sadly. “I’m not their enemy, I fight the archangels. Don’t worry, before I send them home, I’ll make them swear an oath to not fight me again.”

Azrael reached for Lucifer’s hands and kissed them. “Forgive me for my doubts, Lucifer. I thought...” He gulped. “I’m sorry. You are honourable, I should have known that.”

Lucifer pulled him up and kissed him gently. “I forgive you. This is war. It is bloody and it is not fair but I won’t spill the blood of my people needlessly.”

“Lucifer captured one of the border fortresses. He had the renegades who hid in the New World with him. At the same time the fae attacked the angels in the New World, that can’t be a coincidence!” Michael felt like he’d burst into flames at any moment and Raphael paled.

“And Azrael?”

“Well, he wasn’t at the hill anymore, so I suppose, he went with him”, Michael growled. ‘What have you done, Azrael?’ He’d hoped all this time that he’d get tired of living in exile and come back. And even if he still hadn’t wanted to serve him, he was sure Raphael would have taken him back.

He didn’t understand why he felt so loyal to Lucifer. Why did he feel like it was right to rebel at his side against them? Michael realised they should have searched more thoroughly for the angels who had quietly left Patris over the years, he hadn’t taken it serious enough and now they’d pay for it.

“What are we going to do?”, Uriel looked like he already knew the answer.

“This is war", Michael stated. "Lucifer declared war on us with this and if he collaborates with the fae...” Michael shook his head. He’d never liked Lucifer much, but that he could make common cause with their enemies was almost unbelievable – and unforgivable. "The angels who escaped told me, his force was overwhelming, but they were afraid and it was dark. I need numbers as soon as possible. I'm not sure we can fight this on two fronts. And we might have a spy in our midst." He should have insisted on putting one of his officers in the position years ago.

"You mean Raziel?" Raphael shook his head. "He served us faithfully all these years, even when Lucifer's people vanished after his banishment. There’s no reason to distrust him. I don’t believe he knew of Lucifer’s betrayal.” Raphael lowered his head when Michael stared at him.

“You don't believe?”, he hissed. “Raphael you are too gullible. He is Lucifer’s man, of course he knew!”

“I share Raphael’s opinion. Raziel has always been reliable and he was as horrified as us when Lucifer murdered those angels”, Gabriel aided Raphael unexpectedly. “I’m going to question him.”

“No, _I_ am going to question him, I’ll look at his thoughts.” Uriel stood up. “Immediately. It pains me to say it, but there mustn’t be the least doubt about Raziel’s loyalty, his position is too important. Let us come together in two hours, I’ll know more then.”

Raziel seemed to have expected one of them. He wore civilian clothes and was unarmed.

“Your Grace.” Raziel fell to his knees. “I already heard. Please, believe me, if I’d known of his plans, I’d have told you!”

“I’m here to find out about that." Uriel helped him to his feet. "Come, let’s sit down you and I and calm down a little. Your thoughts are in turmoil.” He paused when he stopped being able to see anything as if in reaction to his words.

Raziel flinched in panic. “Forgive me, Your Grace. I didn’t mean to hide from you.”

Uriel sat on a chair and motioned for Raziel to sit down, too.

“I had my suspicions that I didn’t see everything you thought, not that I observed you in particular. How did you learn that?”

“Azrael, the old Azrael, taught me. He realised in the war that he was immune against their mind magic. But as far as I know, I was the only one who could learn it. I wasn’t sure if it really worked with you, too, or if I was just lucky.” Raziel sighed. “I always knew where Zaphriel and the others were hiding. I knew, too, about Lucifer’s attempts to make peace with the fae, he said he meant to tell you, when he was ready. And then... _it_ happened. I haven’t heard from him since then. I didn’t know that there was an attack planned, I swear it, I would have told you. He went too far.”

“Let me see.” Uriel gently took his face in his hands and slid into his thoughts. The angel was angry and disappointed, he was afraid. And Uriel saw that he was telling the truth. “I believe you. Don’t worry, Raziel, you aren’t at fault.”

“I should resign.” Raziel bowed his head. “You can’t afford to have doubts about the leader of the bodyguard.”

“Oh no, you won’t.” Uriel shook his head decisively. “I’m here to dispel any doubts. You surely don’t want Michael to take the command? I at least would like to stop him getting even more influence.” Uriel knew that he was speaking too openly, Raziel wasn’t an archangel, but he needed to stay on his command. Michael had already too much power, he was very aware of that.

'Lucifer', he thought. 'Can't you see what you are doing is playing into Michael's hands?'


	21. Chapter 21

Azrael walked across the battlefield with a few of the angels he trained as healers and searched for wounded. The ones he was hopeful to be able to save, he ordered to be brought back to the fortress, friend or foe, the others he offered a quick death, he wouldn’t let anyone suffer needlessly. Michael had reacted quickly to the treat at Patris’ borders and the following fights had been bloody. Azrael felt like he was spending all his time trying to save wounded soldiers.

“Who goes there?” Azrael jumped when one of his companions called at someone.

The stranger didn’t answer, just spread his wings. Before Azrael could give an order, Sisael had drawn his bow. The stranger screamed and fell down, the arrow had hit him in the thigh. Azrael ran toward him and stopped short when he recognised him.

“Raphael”, he whispered. “What are you doing here?”

“The same as you”, Raphael answered through gritted teeth, holding his leg.

“Alone?!” Azrael looked around, his companions were coming closer, he cursed under his breath. “I can’t let you fly, Your Grace. I’m sorry.” He couldn’t say any more, the others were within earshot. “Lock him up, treat the wound. Lucifer will decide everything else.”

His heart was heavy as he started to walk back to the fortress. He hoped Lucifer would remember what Raphael had done for him. He heard a commotion behind him and turned around.

“Do you really think I’d let myself be captured without a fight?” Raphael had drawn a dagger and kept the angels who had been taken by surprise at a distance. He couldn’t put weight on his left leg but his wings were beating quickly and he was rising.

“No!”, Azrael called sharply, because Sisael had drawn his bow again. “You can’t kill him!”

Sisael threw him an insulted look. “Don’t worry, I know he’s an important prisoner.”

His arrow hit Raphael in the shoulder The archangel doubled over and fell to the ground. This time the angels didn’t restrain themselves as they tied him up roughly. Azrael dug his nails in his palms when they pushed him forward and Raphael made a pained sound. He couldn’t do anything for him right now. He had seen the doubt in Sisael’s eyes, he couldn’t let anyone think that he wasn’t loyal to Lucifer.

Raphael hobbled after Azrael as quickly as he could, if he slowed down, he was pushed forward. A flame of pain shot through his injured leg with every step. There wasn’t a lot of blood, but that would change once they pulled out the arrows. Seeing Azrael again had come as a shock and not only for him, if he interpreted his words right. Would he have really let him go if they’d been alone?

Again he wondered what had caused them to ally with the fae. Lucifer, Azrael, so many others who were here, had fought and fallen in the fae war. Or did they hate the other angels so much that it seemed better to ally with their old enemy? He would have liked to ask Azrael but he was pushed down a stair now while Azrael followed the hallway. Before they separated, Azrael said to one of his companions: “See to it that his injuries are tended to.”

_What did we do to you?_ , he almost screamed. _That you hate us so much._

He didn’t understand it. Had it been Gabriel’s stricter sense of the law? Lucifer had always been a free spirit, he’d done as he pleased. Raphael knew that many who had flocked to Lucifer were those who broke the law against fornication – Azrael, too. Had they seen this as the only way out?

Raphael gasped with pain when he was pushed into a dark cell. He landed heavily on his shoulder and screamed. Then he was alone in the clammy darkness.

“It is not a sickness that can be healed, it isn’t a decision, either”, Azrael had said many years ago.

Raphael had never understood it. It was unnatural to be sexually interested in the same sex, it had to be a decision. Raphael shook his head and righted himself a little to not put weight on his injuries. He thought he remembered that Lucifer and Gabriel had shared unambiguous looks before the first war – and that he’d thought nothing of it – but that was impossible, was it?

Azrael knocked at Lucifer’s door and entered when he was ordered to. His archangel sat in front of the heart, a glass of brandy balanced on his knee.

“Sit with me, Azrael. Want one?”

Azrael accepted gratefully. “You’d think it’s warm enough here without a fire”, he joked while he wiped the sweat off his face.

“Yes, well...” Lucifer shrugged. “It calms me to watch the flames. I can think better that way.”

Azrael nodded and gave himself liquid courage. “Lucifer... we captured an archangel.”

Lucifer looked up with interest, a cruel smiled flit around his lips, it made Azrael shiver.

“Raphael. Lucifer, you know that this war is not his fault?”, Azrael heard his voice tremble. He was worried for Raphael, he didn't know if he could stand by and do nothing if Lucifer intended to take his anger out on him. To his relief the smile vanished from Lucifer’s lips.

“Yes, I know”, he murmured. “Leave me now, Azrael, please. I have to think about what to do.”

“Of course.” Azrael saw that Lucifer’s feelings were fighting a war inside him. He had fostered his hate for the archangels for so long – mostly Gabriel and Michael, but could he differentiate? Azrael left him, he knew Lucifer would do what he thought right - he could only hope he'd see that none of this was Raphael's fault.

Lucifer poured himself another glass and viewed the fire through the amber liquid. Raphael... Raphael whom he couldn’t hate. He hadn’t only patched him up after Gabriel had taken his feathers – his anger flared up at the memory – he had also healed him from his self-hatred. He owed him a better treatment. The fae king, who'd arrived two days ago to bring reinforcements, wouldn’t like it, but he’d have to live with it.

Lucifer got up and went to the dungeon. He hoped that Raphael’s capture hadn’t yet reached the ear of the fae king, he wouldn’t hesitate to “take him off his shoulders”. He noticed relieved that it were two of his men who had guard duty.

“I want Raphael”, he told them.

“Of course, Your Grace.” The angel produced the key and Lucifer took a deep breath before entering the cell. Raphael squinted at his glowing form. Lucifer felt rage boil in his chest when he saw that he had still two arrows stuck in his body.

“Why has no one tended to is wounds?” That was unlike Azrael.

The guard shrugged. “No one told us to.”

Lucifer untied Raphael and helped him up. “And you didn’t think that letting him bleed to death would be a bad idea? This is going to have consequences!”

Raphael swayed dangerously when he led him out and Lucifer held him tighter.

“Azrael ordered the angels who brought me here to bind my injuries. It’s not his fault”, he said softly.

Lucifer lifted his eyebrows. What did Raphael care if he was angry with Azrael?

“I’ll call for him so he can take care of it”, he promised.

“No. I can do it myself. I just need fresh water – and maybe help with the arrows.”

“As you wish.” Didn’t he want Azrael to treat him because he knew that he was gay? But he must know about him, too, and he didn’t shrink from him.

Lucifer led Raphael to his own rooms, almost carrying him up the stairs and sent one of the pages the fae king had put under his command to notify Zaphriel to ready a room – and make it escape-proof. He knew that the young fae would also tell his king, that he was there to spy on him, but that was fine. He couldn’t have hidden Raphael for long anyway.

Lucifer filled his wash bowl with water and fetched a knife.

“Are you sure you want me to cut the arrows out. I’m sure Azrael would be much better at this.”

Raphael was very pale, sitting on the chair he had deposited him on, but he smiled. “Just do it. I’ll heal myself afterwards.”

Lucifer didn’t hesitate any longer, he cut the bloody shirt open at the shoulder and sliced through the seam of his trousers to reach the wounds. Raphael made a pained noise when he set the knife to his skin. Lucifer tried to ignore it, he found no pleasure in hurting him, just concentrated on getting the arrowheads out. Blood was flowing freely now, Raphael had closed his eyes, breathing heavily, his forehead shone with sweat.

“They are out”, Lucifer said finally and let the bloody steel clatter to the floor.

Raphael took a shuddering breath and Lucifer watched how the wounds closed. He’d seen him do it on others before, but it was always a wonder. He knew also that it was very draining and offered Raphael a cup of water which he drank down in one long drought.

“Thank you”, he croaked. “Let me wash the blood off.” Raphael tried to get up but then sank back on the chair. “In a moment.” He was trembling.

“Allow me to do it for you”, Lucifer said and Raphael nodded after a moment’s thought.

“Help me undress?” He blushed and Lucifer smiled, biting back a comment.

Raphael _was_ beautiful and having him naked before him made his body very interested. He concentrated on cleaning him tenderly. This was not the moment for amorous endeavours.

“It drains you to heal like this”, he stated and Raphael nodded.

“Even more when I heal myself.”

His skin was warm and soft under Lucifer’s hands and he longed so much to do more. He shook his head. Raphael looked exhausted and _it was not the time_. A knock on the door saved him from further thoughts.

“Yes?”

Zaphriel frowned when he saw Raphael sit naked on the chair. “The room is ready, Your Grace.”

“Good!” Lucifer realised that he couldn’t let Raphael walk around the fortress naked. "I'll lend you clean clothes." He hurried to his wardrobe and quickly pulled a few of his own clothes out. “Here, maybe a little too large, but it should be fine for now. Zaphriel, please bring him there and set a guard. No one is to visit him but me, especially not someone of our allies.”

He could tell that his friend couldn’t work out what was going on here, but he didn’t care. When Zaphriel and Raphael were gone, he let himself sink into his armchair and poured himself another glass of brandy. He needed to get back his calm before seeing Raphael again.

The next day Lucifer went to have dinner with Raphael. He couldn’t simply ignore him – although it might have been better, considering the sexual interest he started to feel for him – and he thought that he maybe could make him understand his choices, even win him over, if he were lucky.

Raphael looked at him when he stepped through the door. Zaphriel had gotten clothes that fit for him and his face looked much less pale than yesterday.

“How are you, Raphael?”, Lucifer asked.

“Better.” Raphael threw wary glances at him as they sat down at the table. He waited until the food had been served and the servants had left, then he said: “I want to thank you, Lucifer, for the food and the preferential treatment.”

Lucifer shook his head. “Don’t mention it. We are at war, but you are my equal and I’ll treat you that way.”

Raphael cocked his head. “Would you treat the others the same, I wonder?”

“Uriel, yes. The others..." Lucifer sighed. "Gabriel was my friend before he died, but he isn’t the same anymore. He changed so much...” Lucifer hid his face behind his cup until he was sure he wouldn’t start to cry. “And I never got along well with Michael. He was always against my way of life. First ,sex in general and then... well, you know what happened. No, I probably wouldn’t be as attentive to them. And I owe you.”

“I’m a healer, I couldn’t have not tended your wounds.” Raphael shrugged and grimaced when his injury hurt. “Lucifer, why did you ally with the fae? I don’t understand it, you hated them so much...”

Lucifer took a deep breath. He’d meant to tell his brothers eventually, before they had exiled him, but he’d put it off again and again and then it had been too late to be believed. He was sure Raphael wouldn’t believe him now.

“They have a right to their world – and they are even ready to share it with the humans", he said anyway. "The fae are not the monsters we thought them to be, Raphael. We were deceived. Jahwe lied to us and I don’t know why. I wanted to make peace with them before I was banished to Eden. I was negotiating with their king, I should have told you, but I thought, it would be too hard to believe for you and I wanted to have results before letting you in – and then everything turned out different.”

“But why would Jahwe lie to us?”, said Raphael gently. "It makes no sense, Lucifer. Why would you believe them over Jahwe?”

“I’ve met a lot of fae and they all think we started the war, Raphael. I can understand that you don’t want to believe it, but one of them saw an angel kill other angels in Eden with his own eyes, but Jahwe told us it was the fae." Lucifer didn't tell him that he knew now who the murderer was. "Jahwe wanted us to fight the creation of his brother. He lied to us."

"I simply can't believe that. I don't _want_ to believe that. He made us, why would he risk so many of us being killed?" Raphael shook his head. "And _you_ killed angels, too, Lucifer. Why?"

"They killed my fae friend, I couldn’t let his death be unpunished. I... snapped.” He wished, he'd gotten Metatron then and there.

Raphael shuddered. “I’ll never understand why you and Michael and even Gabriel are so eager to spill blood. Lucifer, is there no way to make this right? You are one of us. We’ve not been complete without you. Can’t you come back? I’m sure we can pardon you.”

Lucifer shook his head with a sad smile. He felt bad of having to turn Raphael down but he knew there really _was_ no other way.

“No, Raphael. Gabriel and Michael would never agree to that. I’m sure they are glad that I’m gone. And I have a responsibility for my men, of whom many break that awful law against fornication. They’d be tried or would have to hide again, if I give in and I can’t do that to them. Everyone should be allowed to live in the way they want and I’m going to make that happen.”

“You can’t change Jahwe’s Laws, Lucifer!”

“Not _Jahwe’s_ Law!", Lucifer hissed and Raphael shrank back a little. "It’s Gabriel’s – and Michael’s. Don’t you remember how it was before the war? Don’t you think, Jahwe would have told me – back when he still spoke to us – if my conduct displeased him?”

“I... I don’t know", Raphael stuttered, his face troubled. "I can’t say I remember. Do you remember every moment of your life vividly? This matter never concerned me, I don’t remember if it was different before the war. I just now that Gabriel made the law and he was appointed by Jahwe to it.”

“And that means he can’t go wrong? Jahwe hasn’t talked to any of us in hundreds of years!” Lucifer took a deep breath. “I’m not going to fight about this with you. You think, you know the truth and I _know_ the truth.”

An uneasy silence fell between them, Lucifer tried to concentrate on his meal, but he didn’t want to leave it at that. He realised that he cared about what Raphael thought of him.

“I don’t want to kill angels, Raphael, I never wanted to. I’m going to send a message to the archangels, telling them that I have you and that the price for your freedom is Michael and Gabriel being put under arrest and you and Uriel giving supreme rule to me. I won’t be a bad ruler, Raphael, I won’t make anyone suffer.”

Raphael looked at him with gentle eyes and Lucifer was relieved that he didn’t seem to think him a monster.

“I’d do it, if that meant the bloodshed would be over. But I’m afraid the others won’t agree to this.” Raphael squeezed his hand. “I think, I might have misjudged you, Lucifer. I was afraid, when I was captured because I thought you hated us all. But I see now. You might be deluded in some cases, but you are not _evil_.”

“No, I’m not. I just try to do the right thing.” Lucifer smiled at him.

Raphael shook his head sadly. “War is never the right thing.”

They had finished their meal and Lucifer stood up. “If you need anything, just tell me and it will be brought to you.”

“I’d like writing materials to spend my time productively." Raphael followed him to the door. "And if it isn’t too much to ask, I’d like to help with the injured.”

Lucifer was surprised and knew he shouldn’t be. Raphael was the Healer. “I’ll think about it.” He couldn’t let him walk around without a guard but he knew that Azrael would be glad of Raphael's help.


	22. Chapter 22

Lucifer walked alongside Raphael atop the battlements, giving him a bit of fresh air. They’d talked about their professions and how contrary they were. Lucifer had told him a little of what he’d seen in the New World. They’d been quiet for a while but it wasn’t an uneasy silence. Lucifer was a little sad that he hadn’t made a point of getting to know Raphael before all of this, he liked him.

He could have easily desired him, if he’d allowed himself to. But he shouldn’t. Raphael was his prisoner, it wouldn’t be right, even if he’d shared his inclinations.

“I have a question, Lucifer”, Raphael suddenly said. “One, I’d like to have answered in private, if you don’t mind.” He eyed the guard standing on the wall.

Lucifer raised an eyebrow but nodded. “Of course, come with me.”

The way back to his rooms he wondered what it was, Raphael couldn’t say in the open. He looked nervous and when Lucifer offered him a drink, he took it but only turned the glass in his hands.

“What is it, Raphael? You look like you want to make an indecent proposal.”

Raphael blushed. “No, that’s not... Can you promise that you will answer truthfully?”

Lucifer shrugged. “If it isn’t about military secrets, I’ll answer you and even if I feel I can’t tell you, I won’t lie.”

“Thank you.” Raphael nodded lost in thought, then he straightened up. “I thought about what you said a few days ago. I searched my memory and... Before the war, where you and Gabriel...”, Raphael hesitated, blushing again, “a couple?”

Lucifer felt something like hope rise inside him. Raphael had given his words consideration, he was ready to think about it!

“Couple is the wrong word”, he answered. “But yes, we had sex. That’s your question, isn’t it?”

Raphael blushed even harder, he couldn’t meet his eyes. “But... I don’t understand. I mean, how could Gabriel break the law...”

“As I told you, it wasn’t always punishable, Raphael. You know I think it still should not be. It was completely normal for two people of the same gender to have sex before the war. And I refuse to believe that it was Jahwe’s will to forbid it. I’ve said it before: He would surely have told me! Why should Jahwe have suffered this behaviour by Gabriel and me if it is wrong? It is all Michael’s doing. He talked Gabriel into believing it’s wrong.” Lucifer took a deep breath. He knew he could talk himself into a rage but he didn't want to frighten Raphael.

“But if this is true, wouldn’t Gabriel remember that, too?”

“How would I know? I never died." Lucifer gulped. It still hurt so much. "He changed, Raphael. He is no longer the angel I knew. I don't know what happened. Can you? You know how it is to be reborn.”

Raphael shook his head slowly and sipped at his drink. "I don't understand", he said softly. "Why would he lie. Why would _Michael_ lie?"

"Because he never agreed with me." Lucifer growled. "He was against any kind of sex back then. After the war, he couldn't keep to that, of course, we needed children, but he saw the opportunity to hurt me and seized it."

Lucifer leaned forward. He craved Raphael to believe him, to understand that he was telling the truth.

“It is not a sickness, Raphael, or you’d have found a cure long ago”, he said emphatically. “We are not wrong. Why would Jahwe have made us that way, if it was wrong?”

“I... don’t know.” Raphael said again, sounding worried and confused. He jumped when Lucifer caressed his cheek.

Lucifer stopped, it had been a stupid impulse – he _did_ desire him, no matter what his conscience told him, but he shouldn't act on it. He really shouldn't... He ached to make Raphael see that being with a man wasn't something repulsive.

“Close your eyes, Raphael”, he said softly. “Allow yourself for a moment to just feel. If it feels wrong, if you want me to stop, I’ll stop, I promise. I won’t force you to do anything.”

Raphael stared at him wide-eyed, his breath was racing – It was foolish. He was so foolish! He was risking Raphael's willingness to listen to him - and then he slowly closed his eyes. Lucifer rested his fingertips on his cheeks. His skin was warm and soft and his lips looked so tempting... He kissed him gently, his tongue touching Raphael’s closed lips before he moved back a little.

“Does this feel wrong?”, he whispered. “Wouldn’t it feel wrong, if it were?”

Raphael blinked slowly.

It felt strange to be kissed by a man. Strange... but not wrong, not revolting. It startled him and even more when he noticed that he’d have liked to intensify the kiss. He looked into Lucifer’s eyes. They were blue and looked tenderly at him. He didn’t know what to say, what to reply to his question.

“I mean, of course if you simply aren’t into men, it might not feel like anything, but...”

The scary thing was, that he certainly felt something and it was not repulsion.

“Kiss me again”, he croaked.

He was not sure if he could share Lucifer’s ideas and he certainly had never thought about being intimate with a man before, but he wanted Lucifer to touch him and damn the consequences. Lucifer didn’t give him time to change his mind. Their lips touched again and he opened his mouth to Lucifer’s tongue. He moaned and felt himself blush at the sound. Lucifer’s hand slid down his body, fumbling for the laces of his shirt and Raphael tensed.

“I’ll stop, if you want me to”, Lucifer said. “I won’t force you. Your treatment will remain the same, whatever your decision is. But know that I desire you.”

Raphael lifted a trembling hand and caressed Lucifer’s cheek, Lucifer’s lids fluttered close. He was achingly beautiful, his light skin flushed – Raphael was relieved that he wasn’t the only one blushing – his soft lips red from kissing. Lucifer’s throat moved when Raphael slid his finger over his lower lip.

“Please”, he whispered and opened his eyes again, “don’t tease me, if you mean to leave.”

He’d never seen him so insecure and vulnerable as in this moment. Raphael leaned forward and caught his lips again.

“I don’t mean to leave”, he whispered. “But... I don’t know what to do. I’m scared.”

Lucifer cupped his face in his hands and smiled gently. “I understand. I know what you’ve been made to think. Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle. Are you sure about this? I don’t want you to think you have to.”

“Yes. I’m sure.” And it was the truth.

Lucifer beamed at him and started to undress him. His warm hands slid down his chest and Raphael leaned into the touch and buried his hands in his flaming hair to pull him in for another kiss. He wanted to lose himself in the sensation, to stop thinking about what an outrageous thing he was doing. It scared him so much how right it felt.

Lucifer had risen from his seat and was balancing on the armrest of his armchair. Raphael gasped when he tweaked his nipple gently and continued to play with it when it hardened. He wondered what his smooth calluses would feel like on his growing erection. He left Lucifer’s mouth for his neck feeling his pulse race under his lips, he bit down gently and Lucifer shivered.

“Not so shy as I thought you’d be”, he said with a laugh.

Raphael meant to return something but Lucifer chose that moment to cup his still clothed cock with his hand and he moaned instead, thrusting into the touch.

“You are so desirable”, Lucifer breathed into his ear, while opening his trousers.

Raphael helped him eagerly to get them off and watched impatiently as Lucifer relieved himself of his own clothes. The same could be said of him. His skin was smooth and pale, interrupted by a few scars, muscles showed him for the warrior he was. Raphael felt the desire to trace his muscles with his tongue. He groaned, his head falling back against the backrest when Lucifer straddled him and rubbed their erections together.

Lucifer bowed forward, their lips meeting again, much more heated this time. Raphael shuddered with ever motion of Lucifer’s hips, precum and sweat damp on his belly. Raphael slung his arm around him, massaging Lucifer's wing roots with his fingers. Lucifer moaned into his mouth and Raphael continued with the circling motions until his release washed over him and he could only hold onto Lucifer, shaking as pleasure shot through his whole body. Lucifer buried his face on his shoulder, his hips jerked a few times more before he came, too.

“I’m almost glad that your people caught me”, Raphael whispered into Lucifer’s ear that was close to his mouth and he felt Lucifer’s smile on his neck. They still sat on the armchair, sweat cooling on their skin.

“The pleasure is mine”, he answered, his hand sliding along Raphael’s ribs. “Let’s move to the bed, that’s more comfortable.”

Raphael made a protesting sound when Lucifer slid off him and the cool air hit his damp skin. He followed him quickly to the next room and snuggled into him for warmth when they’d lain down.

“It’s strange”, he said softly. “I never even thought that I could like being with a man, it was forbidden and I like women.” He looked into Lucifer’s face. “Do you think that’s strange? That I can enjoy having sex with both women and men?”

Lucifer shook his head. “I’m not like that, but I know a few people who are. It was easier for them than for those of us who only desire men.”

“I’m sorry." Raphael caressed Lucifer’s arm. "I’m still not completely sure it is right, that I should indulge in this new desire, but I’m sorry that this happened to you.”

“If I could have protected you and Gabriel, maybe it would have never come so far”, Lucifer said, his eyes brimming with tears.

“It was not your fault, Lucifer”, Raphael answered gently. “You did everything in your power. I know you’d gladly have given your life to save us.”

When they’d met for the first time after his rebirth, Lucifer had been driven by his guilt and he had healed a little of that pain with his gift. Raphael caressed Lucifer’s nape. And now all this bloodshed again...

“I wish there needn’t be a war”, he whispered and Lucifer pulled him close.

“I know, but think, in the eyes of our brothers you just committed a crime.” Lucifer eyed him as if he expected him to jump out of bed at his words.

“I know”, Raphael answered. He was still not sure if it was a sin or not, but if it was, he was prepared to commit it.

“I’m fighting for a world where that is no longer the case. I can’t back down.”

Raphael nodded. “I know, but that doesn’t mean I can’t wish it to be otherwise.”

He slid his hand slowly down Lucifer’s chest and hesitated a moment – Lucifer held his breath – before caressing his soft cock. It was strange to touch another man like this. Raphael watched fascinated as Lucifer’s cock hardened under his touch, he felt him shudder against him.

“Raphael...”, his name fell slowly from Lucifer’s lips and there was no place for doubt in his mind. Lucifer’s fingers tugged on the skin of his wing root, Raphael leaned into the sensual feeling. He froze when Lucifer groaned: “I want to be inside you.”

Of course he had expected that it would somehow come to this, his heart beat a frightened rhythm.

“Don’t be afraid”, Lucifer whispered and nibbled at his earlobe. “We’ll take as much time as you need.”

Raphael nodded shakily. Lucifer kissed him slowly and so tenderly that Raphael’s nervousness almost subsided. Lucifer would not hurt him.

“Turn on your stomach”, Lucifer breathed against his lips and sat up.

Raphael complied with apprehension, he’d rather have seen what was going on. He felt Lucifer straddle him, his arousal hot on his lower back.

“What... oooh.” Raphael moaned when Lucifer’s warm, oily hands moved with soft pressure over his shoulders.

He arched into the luxurious feeling. Lucifer’s hands slid all over his back, massaging his muscles and paying special attention to his wing roots.

“You like that, dear?”

“Yes”, sighed Raphael, feeling relaxed and aroused at the same time. “Oh yes!”

Lucifer chuckled and slid further down, giving his thighs and buttocks the same attention. His muscles thrummed pleasantly. Raphael didn’t even notice the first time he slid his finger down between his buttocks and rubbed his sphincter, it was just another enjoyable sensation among many. Only when Lucifer inserted a finger, did he give a start.

“Shh”, hummed Lucifer, stilling his motion, his other hands drawing small circles on his lower back. “Relax. This is going to feel nice.”

Raphael’s muscles were already pleasantly heavy, it wasn’t hard to shut off his worried thoughts. Lucifer’s finger moving inside him made him shiver, his cock was hard and straining against the mattress. A second digit was added and Raphael moaned when Lucifer crooked them, stimulating his prostate.

“I didn’t know...”, another groan escaped him and he found himself moving into Lucifer’s touch. Lucifer’s grin was audible.

“Feels good, doesn’t it?”

Raphael nodded, words quickly evading him. His arousal throbbed.

“Please”, he heard himself whisper. “Lucifer, please.”

Lucifer bit his tongue to stop himself from teasing him about his eagerness. Raphael seemed to have thrown any reservations overboard and he wouldn’t remind him now. He was a gorgeous sight, his flushed skin glistening with orange-scented massage oil – he’d won it playing cards with a few fae and right now he thought it was the best thing he’d ever won – wings lying stretched out and completely relaxed to either side of his body, brown hair tousled.

Lucifer bowed over him and licked up the rim of his ear. Raphael moaned again, quite loudly. He was so responsive to his every touch. Lucifer pulled him up by his hips. He’d never have thought Raphael, who seemed always so composed, to be so vocal and eager in bed. Well, he wouldn’t have thought it possible to ever have him in his bed before kissing him this evening. And now he was preparing to fuck him. He couldn’t imagine how much courage it must have taken him to agree to all this.

“You’re so brave and beautiful, Raphael”, he moaned, nudging his entrance with the head of his cock, Raphael shivered.

Lucifer reached around him, wrapping his hand around his erection as he slowly slid in, delicious heat engulfing him. Under the haze of pleasure he listened closely to Raphael’s reactions. His body wanted to thrust quickly into the tightness but he meant to make this as wonderful an experience for Raphael as it was for him and thus he stopped moving when Raphael made a small sound of discomfort.

Lucifer caressed Raphael’s erection until he felt the tightness around his cock ease a little, then he started to move with shallow thrusts, his muscles trembling with the strain of holding back. His pleasure was building quickly, sliding hot up his legs and down his spine to cumulate deep in his belly.

Raphael was moaning in pleasure again, moving with him and when Lucifer hit his prostate, he shivered so hard it almost took Lucifer over the edge. Lucifer continued to grind against the spot, each thrust bringing him closer to completion, his hand around Raphael’s arousal moving quickly.

He stilled when Raphael’s orgasm made him clench his muscles, groaning as he released himself deep inside Raphael. He held Raphael close, stroking his back as their breathing slowed back to normal. Raphael leaned into him. "This is... this can't be wrong", he whispered and Lucifer kissed his forehead, too happy to say anything. They fell asleep like that, curled around each other.

When Lucifer woke, Raphael was still in his bed, watching him.

“Hm?”, Lucifer made at the question in his eyes.

“How are we continuing now?”, Raphael whispered, a tremble in his voice. He’d obviously had time to think.

Lucifer sighed. “I don’t know. I’m not your enemy, Raphael.” He caressed his shoulder. “I would let you return to the others.”

Raphael blinked surprised. “Really? I thought...”

“I thought, too, and I realised, I don’t want to use you as leverage. Go back to our brothers, I don’t believe you’ll have much of a chance with Gabriel and Michael, but if you see a way to make peace...” He wanted Michael and Gabriel brought low but every killed angel pained him.

Raphael bit his lip. “After this night, I’m not sure I want to return.” He kissed Lucifer shyly.

“Raphael...” Lucifer hesitated. “I don’t want to make false pretences. I don’t believe in love. I like you and I wish I had taken more time to get to know you before. I like to have sex with you, too, but I don’t believe in being just with one person.”

Raphael smiled gently, he didn't seem to be angry. “I don’t ask you to believe that. I like to have sex with you, too – and it scares me a little, I have these strange memories, but... I’m not sure I can believe this is not a sin. But... I wish, I’d tried to be more on your side after Gabriel took your wings, maybe things would have turned out differently then, if you’d felt you weren’t alone among us. If you’d thought, you could tell me about your negotiations with the fae king a lot earlier, maybe it wouldn’t have come to your banishment. I think you need me, more than our brothers. I would stay, if you let me.”

Lucifer shivered pleasantly when Raphael’s fingers caressed his chest. “I won’t force you to leave.” He closed his eyes to stop his tears. He hadn’t realised how alone he’d felt without his brothers. “Thank you”, he whispered.

Raphael kissed his cheek. “I understand why you felt you needed to take these actions, though I don’t agree with them. Will you let me send a message to our brothers? They should know that I’m not in danger from you.”

“I think, I can make that possible. You will let me read the message? I’m sorry, but I have to be careful.” He couldn't allow himself to trust him too much.

“Of course.” Lucifer was relieved when Raphael didn’t look affronted. “It’s still war. I understand that.”

“Thank you.” Lucifer kissed his shoulder. “I’m afraid I have to get up now. You can stay here, if you want, or I can accompany you back to your rooms, if you don’t want people to know about us. I’d understand that.”

“I think that would be better.”

Lucifer nodded, he couldn’t be angry with him. He knew how much courage Raphael was already showing by being here – having spent the night with him the way he had. They dressed in silence and Lucifer led him back to his room.

“Search your memories, Raphael, and you’ll see that I’m right." He still hoped Raphael would remember something that would prove to him that he told the truth. "Will you dine with me tonight?”

Raphael smiled at him. “I look forward to it.”


	23. Chapter 23

_“Dear Brothers,_

_I am well._   
_I was taken captive but I’m treated well by Lucifer and I’ve had some interesting conversations with him. I believe that it is possible to make peace, if we come his way a little. He is not beyond reason, though he has a grievance against Michael and Gabriel. You know I would prefer negotiations to further bloodshed._   
_For completeness’s sake I’ll relay his demands for my freedom and the end of the war: Michael and Gabriel are to step down from their offices, Uriel and me are to accept Lucifer as supreme ruler. I know you won’t comply, but I want you to think about this: Lucifer is still our brother, he doesn’t see himself as the enemy of all angels, he just wants his people to be able to life the way they want to. I think, if you can promise him that the law against fornication is made void, he’ll make peace with us. I ask you for all our sakes to consider this._

_Jahwe be with you,_   
_Raphael_   


“That’s preposterous.” Michael crumpled the letter to a ball and threw it against the wall. “Lucifer must be mad to think we’d agree to that.” He looked at Gabriel and Uriel who were with him in the card room. “What did he do to Raphael that he was ready to write such a letter?”

Uriel stood and picked the crumpled letter up, smoothing it out. “It’s Raphael’s script, no doubt about that. And it looks strong, not like he was in pain.” He closed his eyes for a moment, sometimes he could catch the feelings of the writer, if it hadn’t been too long that he held it. But he felt nothing. Uriel sighed. "Raphael might be right about that last bit. Lucifer won’t surrender unconditionally and I don't think he really expects us to, but promising to make that law void will go a long way to make peace.”

Gabriel glared at him. “Are you suggesting that I made a mistake?”

“I suggest”, Uriel said carefully, “that you might have taken things a little too far without Jahwe’s guidance. We both know it was no big matter before the war.” Uriel saw an unreadable emotion flit over Gabriel’s face. Oh, how he wished he were able to read the mind of his brothers.

Before Gabriel could answer, Michael said: “You can’t think of leaving Raphael in his grasp until we’ve negotiated a peace! 'I am well', he says, but for how long? As long as he's Lucifer's captive, he'll be leverage. He might not have hurt him yet, but who's to say he won't if we don't meet his demands? We have to do something _now_.” Uriel listened with growing worry to Michael’s plan. What he laid out was _not_ making peace. If it succeeded, it would bring Lucifer down, if not... they'd force Lucifer to retaliate. Either way, it was extremely risky. Uriel wished Raphael were here, he wasn't sure if he could talk Michael out of this alone.

~*~*~

Lucifer kissed Raphael’s forehead. His lover was still sleeping, he spent the night with him more often than not these days. Lucifer bit his lower lip, he’d always seen sex simply as fun. He’d done it with strangers and friends likewise and never felt anything more, but with Raphael it was different. He spent as much time with him as he could and what he felt when he looked at him was a lot like how Gabriel had described his feelings for Nakael all that time ago.

He sighed softly. It was the conceivably worst time to have his mind on anything else than the war and the fact that Raphael was the ‘enemy’ would cause problems with the fae king and maybe even with some of his own people. He was surprised, Azrael hadn't caught on to them yet.

Quietly, to not wake Raphael, he got up and dressed. He had to leave, he was expected at a meeting with the fae king and his commanders. Things were going well on Earth, the archangels concentrated on Lucifer, as they'd thought they would and while the fae king was trying to wriggle out of his promise to send him more soldiers, he at least provided him with supplies through the tunnel the fae had opened up under the fortress.

The hair on his neck rose when he entered the living room, something was wrong. Lucifer stopped in the doorway, his eyes roaming around. His swords hung on the armour rack, if he was quick...

Lucifer ducked when he saw a flash in the corner of his eye. He rolled forwards and saw for a moment Michael, flaming sword in hand, come from behind the door. The motion had almost brought him to his swords, he reached out and an arrow hit his palm. Lucifer gasped, scrambling forward and trying to reach the sword with his uninjured hand. He froze when he felt the heat of Michael’s sword on his cheek.

“Freeze!”, the archangel growled. “I don’t need much prompting to want to hurt you right now.”

His skin hissed when Michael touched it with the flaming sword, Lucifer gritted his teeth.

“That was easier than I thought”, Gabriel stated as he came in from the balcony, another arrow ready on the bowstring.

“Where is he?”, Michael snapped at Lucifer.

“Who?”

Michael punched him in the gut and Lucifer doubled over.

“Who?”, Michael screamed. “Raphael of course! What did you do to him?”

“I’m here.” Raphael’s voice trembled.

Lucifer turned his head to look at him, the fight must have woken him. He’d wrapped the sheets around himself but it was clear that he was naked underneath. Lucifer knew what they would think. He screamed when Michael gripped his injured hand and twisted his arm on his back. The arrow ground against this bones, he almost threw up, the pain forcing him to his knees.

“You perverse monster! I’ll...”

“Michael! Don’t.” Raphael gripped Michael's arm and tried to pull him away. “There’s no reason to hurt him.”

“You are protecting him?”, Michael's voice rose in disbelief.

Lucifer smiled weakly when he saw the look Raphael threw at Michael.

“I hate violence of any kind, you should know that.”

Raphael knelt down beside him. Lucifer gritted his teeth when he pulled the arrow from his hand. With a gentle touch, Raphael healed the wound. Lucifer looked at him and saw the fear in his eyes.

_Forgive me_ , his lips formed silently. Lucifer frowned. Was he apologising for hurting him? No, that was not what this was about. It hit Lucifer like a fist to his gut, when he understood. Raphael’s face was full of pain when he rose. He was going to lie, he would let them think it had been rape. Of course, he had to.

“I’ll dress”, Raphael mumbled.

Gabriel had went back to the balcony, Lucifer could hear fighting outside. It seemed like the archangels hadn’t come alone. The door flew open.

“Lucifer, we are under attack!” Azrael froze when he took in the scene before him.

“Run!”, Lucifer cried and earned himself a punch from Michael.

But Azrael – steadfast Azrael – didn’t listen to him. He aimed his spear at Michael and attacked. Lucifer stumbled to his feed when Michael’s attention turned from him and looked around for a weapon, Gabriel had taken his swords. He needed to help Azrael, he was no match for Michael, not by a long shot. Lucifer saw that Michael was playing with him and once he got tired of the game... His eyes fell on the liquor bottle.

“Don’t even think of it.” Gabriel held a knife to his throat and Lucifer had to watch helplessly as Michael disarmed Arzael, slitting his lower arm.

“You died once to protect me.” Michael hooked the swordtip under the leahtercord tied to the piece of Azrael’s molten armour. The leather burned away and the metal ball thumped to the floor. “Are you going to die for Lucifer now?”

Azrael’s face was resolute, Lucifer knew he’d say something that would make Michael kill him.

“No! Please, don’t kill him.” He hated to beg him for anything, but he would never forgive himself if Azrael died because he’d been too proud to humble himself. “Please”, he repeated, slowly sinking to his knees.

Gabriel gave a disdainful laugh, his blade still at Lucifer’s throat. “He’s begging for his paramour. I’d say to hear that is worth a life.”

Lucifer saw Michael hesitate, but only for a moment. He raised his sword and...

“If you kill Azrael, you’ll make an enemy of me, Michael. I don’t think you want that.” Raphael’s voice cut through the air, his voice sharp. Lucifer could hear that he meant what he said.

Michael bared his teeth but lowered his sword. “Consider yourself fortunate that another archangel is fond of you.”

Lucifer closed his eyes, tears of gratitude running down his cheeks. Raphael had saved Azrael’s life. Gabriel pulled him to his feet.

“Come outside.” Gabriel led him onto the balcony. “Look what your treason caused.”

Dead angels and fae lay everywhere, Lucifer gulped down a sob. The gates to the inner fortress were still closed, the archangels’ army stood in the courtyard, a battering ram was being brought, but he had no illusions that this meant the end. If he were down there, maybe... but with him captive, everything was over.

Lucifer hoped Zaphriel had obeyed his order to flee to the New World if it looked like the archangels might break through. He must have realised by now that something was wrong, because Lucifer hadn't shown up.

“They’ll break through. So much death... but if you are reasonable no one else has to die.”

“How?”, croaked Lucifer, he’d have done anything for them, he didn’t know for sure if they’d run.

“Order your people to surrender. I’ll promise a fair trial.”

“Fair?” Lucifer laughed bitterly. Treason was punishable by death or exile and Gabriel surely wouldn’t let them go free. “I know the law, Gabriel. I’m sure they'd prefer an honourable death in battle.”

He felt Gabriel shake his head. “Enough angels have died in this war already, I won’t execute them, if you don’t force me to. You should hurry with your decision, once they get through the gate...”

“Who’s guaranteeing me that you keep your word?”, Lucifer growled.

“You’ll have to trust me.”

Lucifer closed his eyes. He didn't really have another choice. He mustn’t give away the chance for mercy for his people. “I’ll accept", he croaked. "Let me send Azrael to them.”

“A wise decision.” Gabriel called down to the angel leading the attack on the gate: “They are going to surrender. No angel get’s killed who doesn’t attack first.”

Lucifer hoped that his people would run once they heard he was captured – if they weren’t gone already – and he hoped Azrael would follow them.

Azrael didn’t understand anything anymore. Starting with the fact that Raphael had been in Lucifer’s bed room, to the question how Michael and Gabriel had managed to get in - he'd kill whoever hadn't been alert on watch -, to Lucifer’s words: “Tell our people to put their weapons down and open the door, we surrender.” Lucifer was pale and his face said something else: _Run!_

They had talked about this eventuality. He nodded at Lucifer, a sign that he’d understood, but he wouldn’t run, he wouldn’t leave Lucifer. He already saw that Zaphriel had followed Lucifer’s orders for this situation, when he reached the gate. There were only about twenty angels left who guarded the door – volunteers.

“Zaphriel is gone?”, he asked their captain and Samiel nodded.

“When it became clear that they’d make it into the courtyard this time and Lucifer didn't come, he decided to put Lucifer’s emergency plan into action. We are the rearguard and were supposed to follow them after barricading the door, but the fae king was quicker than us. He left with most of the fae and collapsed the tunnel behind them. The fae who weren’t fast enough are stuck here just like us.”

“Were are they?” Azrael rubbed the bridge of his nose. He didn’t think they were included in Gabriel’s offer.

“In their part of the castle."

“I have bad news.” Azrael sighed. “Gabriel and Michael managed to break into Lucifer’s rooms and take him captive.” The tumult that followed was deafening. “Silence!”, he called to make himself heard. “He orders us to surrender. Put down your weapons and open the gate. I’ll go back to him.”

Samiel took a deep breath. “So it is over?”

“Yes.” Azrael shuddered. “It is over.” And they wouldn’t escape Gabriel’s justice.

He was relieved that most of their people had managed to get out. And Zaphriel had chosen the rearguard well in this regard. None of them was gay, as far as he knew. Michael’s sword shot at him when he stepped through Lucifer’s door, but a word of Raphael made him put it away.

“The gates should be open by now”, Azrael said tiredly and saw the pain on Lucifer’s face. He wanted to tell him what he’d found out, but he couldn’t within earshot of their enemies.

“What are we going to do with him?” Azrael winced when Michael pointed at him.

Before Gabriel could answer, Raphael spoke up: “I’ll take charge of him.”

Gabriel nodded, a strange look on his face. Azrael didn’t understand why Gabriel would let a prisoner out of his immediate reach, but that look... was it pity? Oh, Jahwe! Raphael _had_ come from Lucifer’s bed room. Had Lucifer... no, it couldn’t be. Lucifer was not a rapist, he’d have sworn any oath on that. But Raphael wasn’t gay, he’d been sure of that, too. The archangels must only drawing the wrong conclusions and Raphael couldn’t be eager to set their perception right. Azrael tried to catch his eyes, but Raphael didn't look at him.


	24. Chapter 24

Azrael walked up and down his room. The retreat from Eden had been quick and efficient, Michael had coordinated it, after all, and now he waited in Raphael’s house for his sentence. They’d cut the feathers of his left wing so he couldn’t fly away and one of Michael’s soldiers followed his every step.

Raphael had insisted that he was placed unter arrest in his house and he’d even given him a room with a balcony. Azrael stayed there most of the time, he didn’t want to provoke anyone. He hadn’t seen Lucifer since the day of his capture and Raphael was holding his distance, too.

Was he regretting to have helped him? Azrael didn’t understand why he had, but he was endlessly grateful. He hoped he’d be able to pay him back sometime, but it was more likely that he would be locked up in prison for a long time.

Raphael sat on his chair, staring absent-mindedly at the empty seat that had been Lucifer’s. Although his brothers were talking about Lucifer, he couldn’t concentrate on it and they didn’t expect him to. He hadn’t even needed to lie, they were so sure to know what they had seen. It made him sick to think that he was betraying Lucifer with his silence, but he didn’t have the courage to stand up to them in this.

He _knew_ what he had felt but that didn’t mean Lucifer and he had been right to do that. He shuddered, longing for Lucifer’s touch, for the look in his eyes after he’d kissed him, his voice. He wasn’t sure anymore what to think. Lucifer was a traitor, he had attack them, he had made common cause with the fae – but that was only the surface. Lucifer inspired loyalty in his people, he wasn’t a bad leader or a bad person.

_He murdered angels_ , he reminded himself of how all this had started but then he thought of the conversations he’d had with Lucifer when he’d been his captive. He’d been so _nice_ , he hadn’t treated him like an enemy. Raphael felt his cheeks heat when he thought of how very nicely he’d treated him. And Jahwe help him, he’d enjoyed every minute of it.

He had to forget him, Lucifer would very likely never be free again. But how was he supposed to do that when he woke almost every night, drenched in sweat and aroused, longing for Lucifer’s touch, his lips on his skin... his cock inside him? The word ‘death’ pulled him from his thoughts. He stared horrified at Michael.

“You have to admit that it would be the best solution. He can’t make trouble when he’s dead and once he’s reborn, he gets a new start.”

“Lucifer would surely not share your opinion about ‘best solution’”, Uriel answered dryly.

“We can’t kill one of us!”, Raphael gasped.

No! They mustn’t do that!

Gabriel threw him a surprised look, but he didn’t comment his words. They treated him like he’d break at a reminder of what they thought had happened and Raphael felt the guilt crush over him again.

“Raphael is right”, Uriel said. “We shouldn’t kill him. I think... I think we might need him again, this Lucifer with all his strengths and weaknesses, not a reincarnation.”

Uriel looked troubled, he had visions of the future sometimes, or just ‘feelings’. It usually was a good idea to listen to him and Raphael was glad that he was on his side.

“If we just lock him up, he’ll stay a threat. He escaped once, why shouldn’t he again. Who knows if he doesn’t still have friends among the population?”, Michael said. “It’s too risky.”

“There’s a poison the fae use”, Raphael said. “It puts people to sleep for years, even centuries. Their king threatened to use it on me, when he found out I was taken captive, but Lucifer wouldn’t have it.”

“He had other use for you”, Michael growled so low under his breath that Raphael was sure he hadn’t meant him to hear.

“He wouldn’t be a threat, if he sleeps”, Gabriel said. “Do you know how it’s made?”

Raphael shook his head. “But Azrael will know.”

“And why should that one help us?”, Michael asked with a sneer.

“He’ll help, if it means to safe Lucifer’s life.” Raphael was sure of that.

“Ask him”, said Gabriel. “I think that’s a good solution.”

Azrael bowed deeply to Raphael when the archangels entered his room.

“Leave us, Doriel”, he asked Azrael’s guard who had stepped into the open doorway.

“But...”

“Azrael won’t attack me”, Raphael said and threw Doriel a look, the angel bowed and closed the door. “I came to tell you that your trial will be in four days and also to ask you, if you know how the sleep poison of the fae is made.”

“What do you need it for?”, Azrael asked surprised.

“Lucifer”, Raphael answered and a shadow flit over his face. “We won’t kill him, if we have another choice. Setting him to sleep is saver than to just lock him up.”

Azrael looked at Raphael with worry, he was very pale, his eyes red-rimmed. Whatever had happened with Lucifer, it obviously had hit him hard.

“Your Grace... I hope it is not improper of me to say this, but Lucifer... I’m sure he didn’t intend to force you into anything. He can be very demanding and I understand if you thought... in the situation you were in... but he’d never...”

Raphael lifted his hand and Azrael fell silent.

“Please, Azrael, I don’t want to talk about it.” He turned away and walked on the balcony.

Azrael stayed in the room while Raphael fought with his tears, he longed to comfort him, but he had overstepped enough. Maybe Lucifer _had_ done something unforgivable.

“Why are you helping me?”, he whispered. “I betrayed you.”

“If I remember right, I allowed you to leave my service.” Raphael turned around, a sad smile on his lips. “And it was the right decision for you, I think. The war would have torn you in two, if you’d had to fight on our side. And still, you are a good one, I’m sure of that.”

“Why?” Azrael didn’t understand why he trusted him so much. He had taken him captive. If he hadn’t, Lucifer would have never laid a finger on him.

“Would you have let me go if you’d been alone that day?”, Raphael asked.

“Yes”, Azrael whispered.

“See.” Raphael took his hands. “I won’t leave you defenceless to Gabriel’s judgement. I know you, Azrael, you deserve to be saved and if I can, I will.”

“Thank you, Your Grace.” Azrael clung to Raphael’s hands. This wonderful archangel had forgiven him without a word of blame. “If I’m allowed to, I will serve you again, Your Grace. The war _did_ tear me in two, because I never wanted to fight against you. I will prove worthy of you.”

Raphael smiled and kissed his forehead. “I will accept you back, Azrael. Now, the sleep poison.”

Azrael nodded. “I know what plant it is made of. The plant puts people to sleep and stops them from feeling pain, they use it for surgeries, but if you overdose it... well, the sleep can last years, decades, centuries... it puts them in a kind of stasis, where the victim doesn’t need food or drink.” Azrael gulped. “Yes, you can imprison Lucifer this way. The plant is a low shrub with thorns, growing in rocky, hot terrain. It blooms a vibrant yellow – burning the flowers and inhaling the smoke makes you high – the berries, dark red and apparently tasting pretty awful, can be made into the sleep poison. I don’t know how to dose it, though.”

“We’ll find out”, answered Raphael. “Thank you for your compliance. Lucifer asked to see you, we’ll allow it, if you want to.”

Azrael nodded, although he wasn’t sure, if he even wanted to see Lucifer. Raphael did look horrible and he was sure it was his fault, whatever had happened.

Azrael’s heart beat quickly as he was led into Lucifer’s cell and the door clanged shut behind him. It was the last opportunity to bid him goodbye, that’s why he had come. How had it come so far? They shouldn’t have fought this war. They should have went to the New World, to the place Zaphriel and the others had built up, and lived their life. Lucifer looked at him, his back leaned against the wall, al chain around his ankle.

“Thank you for coming, Azrael. How are you?”

“I’m treated well.” Azrael shrugged. “Why did you want to see me?”

He wanted to shout at him. What had he been thinking? What had he done to Raphael? Lucifer had been full of hate for Michael and Gabriel, he had wanted to see them brought down, but Azrael had thought, he was still on the good side. Lucifer had always had a code of honour he stuck to, but now...

“The descendants of the girl I gave my protection to, will to be their guardian angel? I won’t be able to any longer.”

“I’m not sure I’ll be able to. I’ll be a prisoner, too.”

“But Raphael is on your side. Please, I don’t know why, but it feels important.”

Azrael sighed but nodded. “I’ll do what I can.”

“Thank you.” Azrael shuddered when he felt the bond change over to him. “I’m sorry I dragged you into this, Azrael. I wasn’t a very good leader all these years.”

“Nonsense.” Azrael blinked against the tears. “I love you, Lucifer, I always have in this life. I belong at your side, I chose this.”

Lucifer smiled. “You’re an idiot, Azrael.”

Azrael sobbed and threw himself into Lucifer’s arms.

“I know. I’ll miss you, Lucifer.”

He didn’t want to know in this moment, if he’d done anything to Raphael. He was his best friend, his lover, his lord. He didn’t want to lose him, it hurt so much.

“I’ll miss you, too.” Lucifer returned the embrace. “Farewell, Azrael. This is the last time we’ll talk.”

“I’ll be here when you come back.” Azrael sniffled. “Forever yours, Lucifer.”

Raphael stood in front of Lucifer’s cell. He heard his and Azrael’s voices but he couldn’t understand what they were saying. He closed his eyes to stop the tears from flowing. It hurt so much to have to lie and he had to wonder if they’d punish Lucifer this harshly if he’d told the truth. He didn’t want them to see Lucifer as someone how was capable of rape. Would they even believe him? And if they did, he’d be a criminal, too.

Azrael was pale when he came out of the cell, his cheeks tearstained, Raphael could see that he was trying to hide something under his shirt, but he didn’t ask. He didn’t think Azrael would try to help Lucifer escape. Azrael loved Lucifer, but he was realistic enough to know it was over. Raphael bit his tongue, he knew Azrael had drawn the same conclusions as his brothers and Raphael longed to tell him – at least him – the truth. He knew how much the lie was hurting Azrael – but he couldn’t. Would Azrael have understood why he was lying – why he could not let anyone know what had happened while he’d been Lucifer’s prisoner?

“Come, let’s go home. We need to prepare for your trial.”

“Your Grace...” Azrael licked his lips nervously. “Lucifer was the guardian angel of a family of humans. I don’t know if you knew this. He ask me to take over the protection. Will I be allowed to do that?”

Raphael was surprised. He hadn’t thought Lucifer the type...

“I can’t see why not. It is a good deed.” Raphael smiled at him. “I didn’t know, Lucifer cared for humans.”

Azrael shrugged. “I don’t think he heeded them much, but he always said, this family felt significant. I don’t know. Maybe it was just a whim.”


	25. Chapter 25

Lucifer felt numb, sitting in his cell and waiting for his judgement. It was over, he’d tried to change things and he’d lost – he’d failed his people. He wondered if Michael was happy now that he’d succeeded in getting rid of him for good. He looked up to see Uriel step into his cell.

“Have they sent you to tell me my sentence? I hadn’t thought Michael would pass by the chance to gloat.”

Uriel shook his head. “I'm not here for that. They don’t know, I’m here. I had a premonition.” He laid pen and paper beside Lucifer on his cot. “Write about yourself, Lucifer.”

“Why?”

Lucifer’s frowned at his brother. Uriel just shrugged.

“It is unwise to talk too much about what I see”, he answered. “It has to happen. I’m not your enemy, Lucifer, I never was. I saw how all this started and although I condemn you for the deaths you caused, I don’t hate you. I’m sorry it needed to come this far. Please, trust me in this. What you write down here is going to be important. Tell about our life, who you are, what happened.”

Uriel left without another word and Lucifer lifted the pen to turn it between his fingers. He didn’t even know where to start. What was he supposed to tell? Who would read this? He wished Uriel had been more forthcoming.

_I am Lucifer_ , he started to write tentatively. It seemed a good idea to introduce himself. _Archangel, Traitor in the eyes of my brothers. I am different, I desire men and they say it is against Jahwe’s will, but that is not the truth. It started with the war against the fae – a war based on a lie._ He would tell his mysterious reader the truth and leave nothing out.

Azrael stood in the courtroom facing Gabriel. It wouldn’t take long. Raphael had reached an agreement with him. Azrael would confess and in return Gabriel would suspend the sentence. He would be allowed to serve Raphael again, under restrictions, instead of being imprisoned.

“Azrael you are accused of making common cause with the traitor Lucifer and murdering angels in his service. You turned your back on Jahwe and allied yourself with our enemies, the fae. What is your answer to that?”

Azrael bowed deeply to him. “I admit to following Lucifer and having had a part in the past war. I see my mistakes now and ask your mercy.” The words left a bitter taste in his mouth, but it was necessary.

“You are also charged with having unnatural intercourse with other men.”

Azrael threw a panicked glance at Raphael. Had he finally talked? But Raphael looked surprised, too. Gabriel seemed to begrudge him Raphael’s goodwill. Azrael licked his lips, he didn’t know what to say. It was the truth, but did Gabriel _know_ or was he just making guesses. Raphael rose from him place.

“Gabriel, allow me to say that Azrael served me loyally for many long years. I’d know if he’d ever had unnatural intercourse. I’ll vouch for him.”

Azrael held his breath. Raphael was lying for him – in court! – and no one would question his words, not under the circumstances. Gabriel nodded to Raphael.

“The charge is considered settled. Azrael, you are a traitor and death should be your sentence. Through Raphael’s mercy, you are allowed to life. You will be confined to his house for as long as it takes to assure us of your loyalty to him. Serve him well, you owe him much.”

Azrael was so relieved that he almost toppled over when he bowed. Raphael smiled at him.

“Go home now, I have something to do here”, he said and Azrael nodded. He wanted to talk to him, to thank him – to ask him why he’d lied – but that had to wait.

Lucifer gulped when Raphael entered the room. He had a question for him, but he didn’t know if he wanted to know the answer.

“Raphael...”

“Azrael is well and he’ll be serving me again. I hope you are glad of that.”

“Thank you for holding your hand over him. Raphael, I need to ask you something.” Lucifer felt the wood of his pallet give way under his nails as he gripped it. “Did you feel forced to have sex with me?”

Gabriel had been so angry at him when he'd come to tell him he'd be put to sleep and he wasn't sure anymore if he could believe his memories of their nights together.

Raphael quickly sat down beside him, embracing him and shaking his head violently. “No, never! I wish I were braver, I wish I could tell them the truth, but...”

Lucifer held him close. Despite the grimness of his situation, he felt happy. Raphael did not hate him, after all. What he remembered wasn’t just make-believe.

“No, I understand”, he hurried to answer. Raphael shouldn’t feel bad about it. “I would not want them to hurt you and it would have changed nothing about my fate, if you’d said what really happened. It’s just... I wasn’t sure anymore if what I remembered wasn’t just what I wanted to believe.” "I wish this could have ended differently", Raphael croaked.

Lucifer kissed his cheek and tasted salty dampness, Raphael was crying silently.

“I know. I wish so too, but it is done. I won’t be dead, Raphael, just sleeping and no sleep lasts forever.”

Raphael sobbed quietly. “Are you so sure about that?”

"I'm not one to give up." Though the situation had never looked that hopeless before.

"If you ever wake up again, I’ll be there to embrace you”, Raphael said with husky voice. “I’ll miss you so much. I haven’t really known you, how can it be that my heart is breaking now?”

Lucifer held him close, resting his cheek on Raphael’s hair. He felt it too, the loss – but he wouldn’t be aware of it, soon enough. The sleep poison he would be given was a kindness, really.

“I love you”, he whispered, something he’d thought he’d never say to anyone – in a romantic way at least. He wasn’t sure if that was really what he was feeling now, but he couldn’t leave Raphael without telling him that he’d been more than just an amusement – because he had no doubts about _that_.

Raphael gave a sob and clung tighter to him.

“I think, I love you too, Lucifer.”

Lucifer closed his eyes as tears started to run down his cheeks. He’d lost so many people he’d cared about, the pain a constant in his life.

“Don’t make the same mistake I did”, he croaked. “Live, Raphael, try to be happy, don’t cling to the memory of us or the could-have-beens.”

“I don’t know if I can do that.” Raphael sat up and cradled Lucifer’s face in his palms, looking at him with tear-bright eyes as if he tried to memorise his features. “It feels impossible right now.”

“I know. But try at least. Will you do that for me?” Raphael nodded and kissed his lips gently. “I will. Try. Sleep... sleep well, Lucifer.”

When he’d left, Lucifer closed his eyes, willing his tears to stop and wiping his cheeks, before turning to his writing again. One last bit.

He didn’t know how much time had passed when the cell door opened again and the archangels came in. Lucifer’s eyes shot to Raphael whose face was pale and carefully impassive.

“It is time”, Gabriel said. Offering him a phial with a dark green liquid. “Will you accept your just punishment and drink it yourself?”

Lucifer bristled at ‘just’, but he didn’t intend to make them force it down his throat. The glass felt smooth and cool in his hand. The poison smelled like green things – not unpleasant at all. He looked at Uriel and patted his pillow in which he’d hidden the pages he’d written. Uriel nodded in understanding. Lucifer drank the poison down and felt tiredness crushing down on him immediately. He had barely time to lie down on his pallet, before the sleep took him.

“You sent for me, Your Grace.”

Azrael bowed to Raphael. The tear tracks on his cheeks made his stomach clench. He wanted to help him so badly!

“Please take a seat.”

Raphael indicated the chair beside him, they were on the terrace of his living room. This was not an official meeting, though what it meant, Azrael couldn’t say. He knew that Lucifer had been put to sleep today.

“I want to talk to you about Lucifer...”

“You've been crying”, Azrael interrupted him. “Forgive me, Your Grace, but I can’t look on in silence any longer. I always served Lucifer with my whole heart but if he really did what people whisper and your condition seems to imply, I’m not sure what to think about him anymore. I wouldn’t have believed he’d be capable of that.”

“That’s exactly what I want to talk to you about.” Raphael squeezed his hand. “Have trust in his honour. Lucifer did not rape me.”

Azrael looked at him surprised. “But why are you always so sad, then... Oh.” Was he _grieving?_ “Did you...” No, he couldn’t ask that. If he had it wrong again, he’d insult Raphael with the question.

Raphael smiled knowingly. “Yes, we had sex.” Azrael saw him gulp. “I’m still not sure it was the right thing to do. But it didn’t feel _wrong_.” He shrugged helplessly. “I liked Lucifer very much, Azrael.”

“Your Grace, I...” Azrael didn’t know what to say. “I’m so sorry. Can I do anything for you?” He couldn’t imagine what all this must mean for Raphael, no wonder he'd been crying. “If it is any help, Lucifer never believed that the law against fornication was something Jahwe wanted.”

Raphael smiled sadly. “I know, he told me about that quite emphatically and I’m finding memories of before the first fae-war that seem to support his viewpoint. Azrael, I lied to my brothers about me and Lucifer. I couldn’t tell them that I wanted it, can you understand that?” Raphael’s eyes were pained.

“You told them, he raped you?” Azrael’s voice rose but then he pushed down his anger. He had hidden his nature for most of his life, this wasn’t much different, the only thing important was: “Does Lucifer know it was a lie?”

He would have been devastated if he thought Raphael had felt compelled to share his bed. Raphael nodded.

“Yes, I spoke with him. Can you forgive me, Azrael? It will make things harder for you among my people. But it was also the only way I could save _you_. If there had been any doubt about my conduct...”

“Gabriel wouldn’t have believed you that I didn’t sin.” Azrael nodded. “Thank you, Your Grace.” He’d lied for him, too.

“Do you think, you could tell me about Lucifer? I knew him so little", Raphael said softly.

“Of course!. And... can I leave you a moment to fetch something?”

Raphael nodded and Azrael hurried back to his room to get the feather he had asked of Lucifer at their last meeting. He’d wanted to have it as a memento, but he had a feeling that Raphael would need it more.

“This is a pinion from Lucifer’s wing”, he said, laying it on the table between them. “I want to give it to you.”

"Azrael!” Raphael looked at him with tears in his eyes. “I can’t accept that.”

“Yes, you can. I’m sure he’d like you to have it.”

“Thank you, Azrael.” Raphael traced the quill with a fingertip.

Azrael slowly laid his hand on his shoulder. He felt unsure, because he didn’t want to overstep – Raphael was his lord, after all – but a sorrow shared was a sorrow halved and he wanted Raphael to not feel alone in this. Raphael leaned into him with a tired sigh.


	26. Chapter 26

Azrael was sorting patient files in the archive next to Raphael’s office. Technically he was overqualified for that work, but he started at the very bottom again – at his own request. Raphael trusted him but many of his people – his former colleagues – looked askance at him for his involvement with Lucifer. He worked to regain their trust.

“Raphael! Explain to your son that he can’t start fights all the time. It’s the third time this month!”

Azrael looked through the crack in the door. He knew that voice! His mother stood in front of Raphael’s desk, glaring daggers, a boy with bloody nose and dirt-smudged face beside her. Raphael rubbed the root of his nose.

“I thought we agreed to me keeping out of the parenting of our child.”

“You have a child with him?”, Azrael burst out.

He’d known that his mother fancied Raphael – both professionally and on a more... intimate level - and he had two older half-brothers, that wasn’t unusual, he just hadn’t expected it. Three pairs of eyes looked at him, the boy hid behind their mother but eyed him curiously.

“You!”, his mother growled. Azrael had no chance to react before she slapped his face hard. “How dare you run off with Lucifer? You didn’t even say goodbye! And when I next hear about you again, you are Lucifer’s right hand. You idiot!” She slapped him again, Azrael let it happen. He saw the tears in her eyes and shame made him blush. “You idiot”, his mother whispered. “Do you even know how lucky you are that His Grace gives you this chance?”

“Yes, I know.” Azrael bowed his head. “I’m sorry, mother”, he croaked. “I was a coward to leave without goodbye, but I knew you would try to stop me and I couldn’t... I couldn’t let you.”

His mother wiped her cheek. “I hear what you apologise for. Don’t you think you should show more remorse for betraying us?”

Azrael straightened indignantly, his wings bristling. “I don’t regret following Lucifer, I never wanted anything else and I won’t ever act like I do. Raphael knows that. Raphael accepts that.” The tension in the air was almost visible.

“I can’t believe I raised a traitor”, she spat.

“Define ‘traitor’”, Azrael shot back. He wouldn’t feel ashamed for fighting beside his lord.

Raphael coughed. “I think you should go back to work now, Azrael. The plants need watering.”

Azrael bowed to him. “Yes, Your Grace.” He left the office and went to the garden, he was glad that Raphael had sent him away. He didn’t want to fight about Lucifer with his mother.

Cassiel dapped at his aching nose, it didn’t bleed any longer but it hurt badly. His parents were arguing about Azrael, his big brother, but his mum would surely get back to him in a moment. Cassiel slunk to the door, better to get out before they remembered that he was there – and he wanted to talk to Azrael. He was so curious about him!

His father looked at him when he pushed the door open and Cassiel tensed, but his father only winked at him. Relieved he slipped out and ran in the direction of the garden. He didn’t spend as much time with his father as he would have liked – he was an archangel and always had a lot to do – but he knew the house. Mum never talked about Azrael, he only knew that he’d run away with the traitor Lucifer a long time ago.

Azrael turned around when he heard the slapping of feet behind him. The little angel came gasping to his side.

“Wait!”

“Where do you come from? Mother is going to rip of my head if she thinks I kidnapped you.” He rubbed his neck. “So, what’s your name?”

“Cassiel. I just want to talk to you a little. Please!”

Azrael sighed, he knew that look. If he was only half as stubborn as him, he wouldn’t get rid of him.

“Fine, kid, come with me.” Azrael offered a handkerchief to his brother when he gingerly wiped his nose on his sleeve. “Why did you fight?”

“A few of the older boys always say insulting things. That you’re a perv and papa isn’t much better because he didn’t fight – which is not true, he did fight in the war, mother was so scared for him. They say you both should be locked up – and that was when I punched Romiel.”

Azrael groaned.

“It’s very noble of you to wanting to defend our honour, but that’s not necessary. They are surely much stronger than you and picking a fight you can only lose is useless.” The irony of his words didn’t escape Azrael. It should have always been clear that they’d lose against the other archangels, he supposed. “Learn to pick your fights.”

Cassiel eyed him suspiciously. “You think so?”

Azrael nodded. “Don’t let them talk you into thinking you are weak, if you don’t fight back. I was bullied, when I was younger, because my wings are so small and it’s hard for me to fly. I learned to not let myself be defined by their words. I know that’s not easy.”

Cassiel sighed. They had reached the garden and Cassiel sat on an upside down plant tub while Azrael drew water. “What do you want to do, when you are grown up?”

“I don’t know yet. I like music, I play the horn, maybe I can be a musician.” Cassiel shrugged. “Mum would like me to start working with papa.”

Azrael smiled wryly. “Don’t let mother talk you into something you don’t want.”

“You did, didn’t you? They say you served papa before running away with Lucifer.”

“Yes and no." Azrael rubbed his neck. "I always wanted to serve Lucifer, but he didn’t want me so I followed mother’s wish. I like this work, I like your papa, I always was happy here, but Lucifer... Let’s say, if you have the opportunity to follow your dreams, don’t hesitate.”

“Why did you join Lucifer? He collaborated with the enemy, he’s a traitor.” Cassiel didn’t sound accusatory, just curious.

“I admired him for doing what he thought was right. He fought for his own people, was absolutely loyal to them. Back when I was a child, he was a great hero. Do you know the story about the nicks in his belt?”

Cassiel shook his head. It eased the pain in Azrael’s heart to talk like this about Lucifer. He knew he was on thin ice, if someone heard him telling the boy such stories, he would surely be punished, but he didn’t care.

“Lucifer had lost many friends in the fae war – the first one – and he grieved for them and he felt responsible for their death. He went to the New World to clear his mind and there he encountered a fae by accident, he fought and killed it and vowed to kill a fae for every friend he’d lost in the war. Each nick in his belt is an avenged comrade.” Azrael smiled sadly. “He was a hero, _my_ hero. I wanted to serve him.” He knew that Lucifer later had changed his mind about the fae, but he’d never felt bad about taking revenge.

“But he didn’t want you to serve him?”

“No, my name was in the way. The first Arzael was a follower of Michael. He thought I’d hate him once I remembered.”

“But you didn’t?”

“No, I’m not the old Azrael, I changed.” Michael hadn’t understood that, he’d wanted his friend back, but he wasn’t that man any longer. “Finally I had an opportunity to prove to Lucifer that I meant it and I took it.”

“You went with him into exile.” Cassiel’s eyes were bright and wide and Azrael realised that his brother was worshiping him as much as he had Lucifer. He laughed to hide his embarrassment.

“Yes and he wasn’t very happy about that.”

Before he could tell him more, he was interrupted by a cough.

“Your mother is searching for you, Cassiel, you should hurry.”

“Yes, papa. Goodbye, Azrael.”

“Goodbye, Cassiel.”

Cassiel turned around once more before he went back into the house. “Can I visit Azrael again, papa?”

Raphael threw Azrael a stern glance. “I don’t know yet, I have to talk with Azrael about that first.”

“Yes, papa. Can I visit _you_?”

Raphael’s eyes became gentle. “Yes, Cassiel, of course you can. Talk to your mother about that, yes?” Cassiel nodded and left.

Raphael smiled after Cassiel. He didn’t see him often, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t love him.

“I had to stop your mother from calling the guard because you ‘kidnapped’ her son. Whatever you told him, I hope he’ll keep it to himself or you might still land in a cell.”

Raphael had intended to be angry with Azrael because he was such an idiot but when he saw how the angel hung his head, he found it hard to keep it up.

“He followed me”, Azrael mumbled. “And he is my brother. Should I have pushed him away? He wanted to get to know me. Why does she think so badly of me? She is my mother, too, she should know me.” Azrael's voice was husky.

Raphael sighed and sat on the tub Cassiel had just vacated.

“She hasn’t seen you in a long time, Azrael. You left without a word and afterwards she only heard bad things about you. Tamielle was very sad when you left, I can tell you that.” Azrael winced. “Good, you should feel sorry for that”, Raphael said sternly. It had been a hard time for Tamielle. “Do you think I could set it right? I’m not... I’m not _bad_ , or whatever she thinks I am.”

“You can try.” Raphael patted Azrael’s shoulder. “I intend to see Cassiel more often, I neglected him during the war. You can come with me and try to make things right between you.”

“Thank you, Your Grace. I’m so deeply in your debt, I don’t know how to ever make it up to you.”

Raphael smiled. “You don’t have to. You are a good guy, Azrael, I know you don’t mean anyone ill.” He looked around to make sure they were alone, before adding: “I’m relieved that you are here, Azrael. Who else would understand what I feel for Lucifer? But not only because of that. I like you very much, I always have. Don’t think that you mean nothing to me because I let you go. I didn’t want you to leave, but I knew that I didn’t want to keep you here against your will, either.”

“I wouldn’t have left you, if he hadn’t been exiled. I liked to serve you, but I couldn’t let him go alone when it looked like all his friends had deserted him. I’m honoured that you still want my service, despite it all.”

“You did nothing wrong, Azrael. The way I see it... Yes, Lucifer was wrong to attack us, but _you_ only followed your lord and that’s not wrong.”

Azrael smiled gratefully.

“Thank you”, he whispered, “it means a lot that you say that. Thank you for saving my life, Michael would have killed me, if you hadn’t stopped him.”

“He never forgave you that you didn’t come back to him.” Raphael thought that foolish. Many angels had changed their profession after their rebirth, Azrael was different from his former self.

“I know.” Azrael sighed. “Have you never felt like you should be different than you are? You are reborn, too. Michael gave me a small piece of my armour to my name-giving. He was like an uncle to me when I was a child.” Azrael’s laugh sounded like a sob. “I _liked_ him, he told me about the first Azrael, what good friends we were. I fully intended to enter his service again, when I was old enough. And then... well, I realised I desired men and that changed everything – I was never so naive to think Michael would accept me like that. I remember things about the old Azrael that are... I’m not like him. And that’s what I don’t understand. If this is the same soul, why am I so different?”

Raphael had listened curiously to Azrael’s words. He’d never known that Azrael had originally wanted to serve Michael again.

“I’m afraid, I can’t say. I was still a child when my memories came back and thus I always knew that I’m Raphael and how Raphael is. I am him and he is me. Does it bother you that you are different from the first Azrael?”

“No, not really.” Azrael shrugged. “I’m glad to be how I am. Sometimes I wish I could be as good a swordsman as he was, but it doesn’t matter in the end. I’m a healer, not a warrior.”

“But are you really that different?” Raphael shook his head with a smile. “You have been and are a loyal friend, you would give your life for your friends. You stand out in your profession. No, don’t try to deny it, you are a very good healer, Azrael, and you’ve become better in the war. You are one of my best out of those who don’t have the gift.”

Azrael had blushed but he looked thoughtful. “I never looked at it like that. Maybe you are right, Your Grace. Until now I only saw what had changed. And he also... The old Azrael would have frowned at me for living out my... desires, but I don’t think he didn’t share them.”

Raphael laid a finger on Azrael’s lips because he heard someone come closer. He knew that some of his people thought it a mistake of him to trust Azrael again and while he didn’t want to distrust them, he wouldn’t put it beyond them to rat Azrael out – they’d do it out of worry for Raphael, to protect him.

“Your Grace.” Lamiel looked relieved although he threw Azrael a distrustful glance. “I was looking for you.”

“What can I do for you, Lamiel?” Raphael stood up from the planting tub.

“Nothing, really.” Lamiel rubbed his neck and blushed. “The servant who brought your meal didn’t find you in your office or your rooms and I thought, I’d look for you.”

Raphael tried to not let his irritation show, Lamiel only meant well. “I don’t have to justify my movements in my own house, Lamiel. I felt in need of some fresh air.”

“Yes, Your Grace, of course. It’s just... you are often so... absentminded. I just wanted to make sure that you are well.”

“I am.” Raphael laid his hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry Lamiel.”

“Are you sure?” His gaze wandered to Azrael again. “Maybe you should accept Uriel’s offer?”

“How do you know about that?”, Raphael snapped.

Uriel had visited him a few days ago, offering to take charge of Azrael and urging him to take a break. They’d been alone – or he’d thought so. Was Lamiel spying on him?

“He...” Lamiel blushed deeper. “He asked me to talk to you about it again. Maybe it is the wrong time.”

“The answer is no”, Raphael said sharply. “And that won’t change if Azrael is not here. It’s out of the question. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Your Grace.” Lamiel bowed deeply. “I’m sorry. It was presumptuous of me.”

“It’s forgiven.” Raphael sighed. “Uriel asked you to.” Though he could see that Lamiel agreed with his brother. “Please leave me now.”

Raphael rubbed his forehead. He hated to have to talk to him like that, but he had to make clear that this was not something he would change his mind about. He had to pull himself together, grieve for Lucifer more privately, or they’d start deciding things over his head.

“What did Uriel offer you?”, Azrael asked once Lamiel was gone. “If it isn’t private.”

“He wanted me to let you go, even offered to take charge of you so you won’t be imprisoned. He thinks you remind me of Lucifer in a bad way. But he’s wrong of course.”

“Maybe it would still be better, if you’d do it, Your Grace. At least for a time. Many of your people don’t trust me, they hate me for following Lucifer and I wasn’t even punished ‘properly’.”

Raphael winced. He was aware that some people thought Arzael had gotten off too easily.

“Do you know why Cassiel fought?”

Raphael shook his head. “No, he didn’t want to tell Tamielle.”

“It was about you – and me. These boys said you didn’t fight Lucifer enough and that you maybe wanted what he did to you.”

“And that is the truth”, Raphael said, but he knew what Azrael meant. People were talking and speaking ill of him.

“Yes, but you don’t want that to be known, do you? Or you wouldn’t have lied. And if you keep me here there’ll be even nastier rumours about you and me. I don’t want you to come to harm because of me. Maybe sending me to Uriel for a while is the best solution.”

“No.” Raphael shook his head decisively. He was surprised that Azrael saw it that way, but he wouldn’t let him talk him into this. “Let them talk. Gabriel is going to believe me over them as long as there is no proof and that’s all that matters. I won’t let them take you away from me.”

Azrael looked relieved despite his words. “Thank you, Your Grace.”


	27. Chapter 27

Azrael felt a tug in his spine and saw a knife flash in his mind. His heart started racing, the tug becoming stronger, painful. He groaned. What was happening to him? Then he remembered what Lucifer had said to him about the Call. He was a guardian angel now and thus strange gifts were granted to him to protect his charge. He closed his eyes and tried to relax, ease the pain in his back.

A swish of air was all he felt but when he opened his eyes he was no longer in Raphael’s home. Azrael quickly made himself unseeable for human eyes and looked around. A few children were playing in the high grass on the hill he stood, his charge among them. He couldn’t see anything that looked dangerous – none of them had a knife. Maybe someone was lurking in the woods?

Azrael squinted and saw a motion between the trees, he crept slowly closer.

“Zaphriel! What are you doing here?”, he snapped, eyeing the knife Zaphriel was holding warily.

“Oh that”, Zaphriel put it away with a smile. “I just figured, you’d have to come if I intended harm to your charge and I wanted to talk to you. Any news?”

Azrael stared at him with open mouth.

“Do you think I’ll spy for you? Do you have any idea how hard it was for Raphael to allow me to be free and become the guardian angel of Lucifer's humans?”

“Spying sounds so negative, don’t you think? Why don’t you just tell me what happened? I don’t even know what they did to Lucifer. Azrael, please!” Zaphriel’s smug facade broke away. “We don’t know anything. Those who were caught can’t get out of Patris and we, who left, mustn’t dare to go there. You are the only one who can tell us anything. Don’t make me beg.”

Azrael sighed, he already felt the ache creeping back into his spine. The danger was gone and the mysterious power wanted to take him back to where he had come.

“Fine, but I don’t have much time. I don't know how long I'll be able to fight the pull. Lucifer was imprisoned and put to sleep with the poison of the fae. You know the one. Raphael protected me, I’m lucky to have as much freedom as I do. The others weren’t so lucky. They are in prison. What about you?”

“I realised the fortress was lost, when you didn’t come back with or without Lucifer. I figured the only thing that could stop him from fighting was that they’d gotten to him.”

Azrael saw the pain in Zaphriel's eyes. Being free with Lucifer caught was worse than being a prisoner alongside him, but Lucifer hadn't wanted that for them.

“When I came there, Gabriel and Michael had already taken him prisoner. I tried... but I’m no match for Michael", Azrael said.

Zaphriel looked surprised at him.

“You _fought_ Michael? I’m glad you survived that. We went through the tunnels, as Lucifer had ordered us to. I’d rather have fought for him, but...” Zaphriel shrugged. “I couldn’t go against his direct order.”

“I know.” Azrael smiled sadly. “Our lives always mattered more to him than his own. What are you doing now?” Zaphriel eyed him warily and Azrael shrugged, wincing a the pain in his spine. He couldn't stay much longer. “I can understand if you don’t want to tell me. Uriel hasn’t tried yet to read my mind yet, but that doesn’t mean he’ll never do so.”

“We are laying low, no one is going to find us, if we don’t want it.” Zaphriel smiled thinly. “That’s what the fae king gave us for our help. He’s not happy at all with the outcome, he didn’t get what he wanted, but he knows it’s better to help us hide than the archangels finding out about their tunnels.”

Azrael nodded. Another thing he was glad Raphael hadn’t asked him about. The tunnel the fae had built to the fortress had been so well hidden that no one had been able to find it and the archangels did know nothing about them living under Eden. When he’d been asked about the living places of the fae, he’d just said they’d been always led through different portals – the truth. He’d even shown them one of the spots. An unremarkable place on a hill. There was nothing there that looked like a portal. It was a magic angels didn’t possess.

“I have to go now." His spine felt like fishhooks were burried between the vertebrae. Azrael shook Zaphriel’s hand. “Please don’t threaten my charge again to meet me, yes?”

Zaphriel laughed. “If you can tell me another way to catch you? We shouldn’t lose sighte of each other.”

“And if they find out about this?” Azrael shook his head. “It’s dangerous!”

“They won’t find out if you don’t tell.”

Azrael sighed. That wouldn’t help him, if Uriel read his mind, but he could see that Zaphriel was bent on it. “Fine, but please, don’t actually do anything to them.”

“Never. Why would I hurt humans? That’s not what we do.”

Azrael nodded and finally gave in to the power. The pain vanished instantly and he was back in his room.

Azrael went straight to Raphael’s office to tell him why he’d vanished. He didn’t want him to think he was breaking his parole.

“Come in, Azrael”, the archangel said with a smile.

“Your Grace”, Azrael bowed. “I had to do my duty as a guardian angel, I’m not sure if I was missed yet, but I wanted to tell you, that I went to the New World to save my charge from harm and now I’m back.”

Raphael looked so proud of him that Azrael almost felt bad for hiding his conversation with Zaphriel from him.

“I’m glad you told me. I hope, all is well.”

“It is.” Azrael nodded. “I’ll go back to my work now.”

“Wait a moment, Azrael.” Raphael pointed at the chair before his desk. “Please, sit. I thought about Uriel’s words.”

Azrael tensed. Would he give him to him after all? He’d told him it would be better himself, but... Raphael shook his head.

“No, I won’t send you away”, he answered his unspoken question, “but I think a break will be good for me. My parents have a cottage in the wood. I often were there as a child, it’s peaceful there. I thought we – me, Cassiel and you – could go on vacation there. School is over in a week and you said, you’d like to meet him again. What do you think? I won’t force you to come with us, of course.”

“You’d take me along? Of course I want to! But... isn’t that against my parole.”

Raphael shook his head. “I have to have an eye on you at all times, after all.”

He winked at him and Azrael felt bad again that he had no intentions of telling him about Zaphriel.

“Will mother agree?” He'd spoken to her, apologised again for leaving, but their conversation had been tense and overshadowed by the fact that he was still very much on Lucifer's side.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of that.”

“Thank you, Your Grace. I look forward to it.”

Only the three of them, without all the people who looked at him suspiciously and maybe Raphael would be able to take his thoughts off Lucifer for a while – Azrael knew he was thinking a lot about him. He wished, he could help him.


	28. Chapter 28

“Don’t run too far ahead, Cassiel!”

“Yes, papa!”, the boy’s answer came from somewhere to their right, where he ran through the underbrush.

Azrael smiled, Cassiel was so excited about this holiday, spending time with his father and brother, it was contagious.

“How far?”

He righted the backpack with their supplies on his shoulders. Lamiel hadn’t been happy about leaving Raphael alone with him, but Raphael had been adamant and so no one else was with them.

“We’ll be there soon. You can already see the lake through the trees.”

Azrael followed Raphael’s pointing hand with his eyes and saw glittering water through the trees. It was beautiful here, the wood green and full of life. Fern and blueberries grew under the trees. Bird were rustling and singing. The peace of his surroundings enveloped Azrael and chased away the tenseness he’d felt since returning to Patris. He laughed when Cassiel came back to the path, his mouth purple with the juice of berries.

“So many blueberries! Come, Azrael, you have to taste them.”

“Later, little brother.” Azrael wiped the sweat off his forehead. He’d volunteered to carry their supplies, but they’d become heavy after a day walking, they couldn’t fly between the trees. “First we need to move in. Later we can gather blueberries if you like.” He grinned at him. “And afterwards I’ll throw you into the lake.”

“You’ll have to catch me first!", shouted his brother clearly delighted with the idea.

Cassiel ran down the road ahead and vanished behind a bend. Raphael looked at him with his eyebrows raised. Azrael shrugged.

“I don’t want to feel so grown up all the time. There’s enough serious things going on, I like to fool around with my brother for a bit.”

“You are right.” Raphael smiled. “And we are here after all to forget about all that’s going on.”

He sighed. Azrael was sure he was thinking of Lucifer again. He reached out and touched his hand silently. He didn’t know what to say, but he’d be always there for him.

After dinner Azrael and Raphael sat on the bench before the house. Cassiel was already sleeping, exhausted after a long day. They didn’t talk for a while, just looked out over the lake where the sunset was glittering red and gold. Azrael jumped when Raphael suddenly laughed, it sounded more like a sob.

“We weren’t even close”, he said. “When you captured me, I was frightened, I didn’t expect him to be so... honourable. I...” Raphael raked his hand through his hair. “I don’t know what I expected but not that he was the one who felt _wronged_ , that at the heart of his anger was the law against fornication. We argued about it one day. And he... he talked me into a kiss – as an experiment, you see?”

Azrael listened quietly, not sure Raphael wanted to hear anything from him.

“He said, if it were wrong, I’d know it. If Jahwe meant this not to be, we would feel it to be wrong. But what I felt was desire. And I... it didn’t stop at a kiss. He was so... so gentle.”

Azrael felt Raphael shiver.

“I’d never knew him like that. I always saw Lucifer as loud and forceful and often a little brusque. Nothing could be fast enough for him, if he’d set his mind to it. But that night he was so patient and I realised that I hadn’t really known him until that moment.” Raphael looked into the sky, fighting his tears. “We pushed him into this alliance with the fae. How could this happen?”

Azrael took his hand and stroked his knuckles gently.

“He knew he went too far when he killed those angels. But would you have made that treaty with the fae he’d just told you was possible, if that hadn’t happened, do you think? It was not a trap, as you justifiably thought.”

“I don’t know." Raphael sighed. "I can’t see Michael ever agreeing to something like that. And in hindsight... wouldn’t they just have bided their time and attacked us anyway?”

Azrael shrugged. “Who knows? Lucifer had a few friends among them, but our alliance was tentative at best. He and the fae king were constantly quarrelling because neither one wanted to seem weaker than the other. It worked while we fought on different frontlines, but after they came to reinforce us in Eden, it was hard to reach a consensus. But anyway, even if Lucifer’s exile hadn’t happened and you’d made peace with the fae, the problem of the law against fornication would have remained. Lucifer could never have agreed to let that stand.”

"Can I ask you something personal?", Raphael said and continued when Azrael nodded: “How was it for you, when you realised you desire men?”

“At first, I thought something was wrong with me, because I didn’t seem to look at girls the same way as my friends. I was fourteen or so when I surprised my older half-brother, who was visiting my father the same time as me, kissing his lover and suddenly it clicked. I’ll never know how I managed to persuade him to take me with them to a meeting place and where I took the courage from to actually go with them. I know what would happen to me, if I was caught and I was afraid of that, but I can’t remember ever feeling guilty about what I am. I am, who I am and I was told clearly by the people I met there that that was fine. I wasn’t alone.”

“Fourteen? You started early.”

Raphael looked a little startled and Azrael laughed.

“Nothing happened. My brother had a sharp eye on me every time he took me along and everyone was very nice to me. I was too young for them, they didn’t even let me drink alcohol until I was legally allowed to. That made me mad at the time, considering that what they were doing there was illegal anyway, but I think they just wanted to make sure I didn’t do something foolish.” Azrael smiled wryly. “But I _did_ lose my virginity there and probably earlier than it would have happened if I hadn’t surprised my brother that day. I never regretted it. I think, I was lucky.”

“In what way?”

“Well, I wasn't alone. I had my brother and all those people there almost from the beginning. And imagine it doesn’t make things easier to realise that you desire men after already sleeping with women.”

Azrael knew that was the case with Raphael, he couldn’t imagine what he was going through. Mourning Lucifer while having to come to terms with that realisation at the same time.

“Maybe.” Raphael sighed. “Doesn’t help either that I’ll be expected to father children in the future.”

Azrael looked appalled at him. He hadn’t even thought about that until now...

“What about me?” The thought of having to have sex with a woman made him feel faintly sick.

“I don’t think you have to worry. You are a traitor, they’ll just think no woman wants to have anything to do with you.”

“But you’ll have to...”

“I have to and, well, I don’t find the thought of sleeping with a woman repulsive. I enjoyed it before. And many angels lost someone in the war, why should I spare myself. It’s not so bad for me.”

Arzael couldn’t understand it, but he decided not to argue. Raphael’s obvious love for Lucifer was something rare among angels. Most couples only stayed together while the child was little. He himself had grown up with his mother, who had left his father when he’d been eleven. They had liked each other enough to have him, but they hadn’t loved each other in a way that would have meant they’d stay together to have a second child. It was normal. He'd been close to both his parents anyway.

“Maybe you can take your time, because of...” The lie.

Raphael nodded. “I’m doing that, but that won’t last forever.” He sighed and changed the topic. “I never got to ask you: How did Lucifer take that you followed him into exile?”

Azrael huffed with a nostalgic smile.

“He was furious. He’d explicitly told his comrades to stay out of it but I didn’t know that of course. I was miserable and the smoke triggered the memory of my death...”

Raphael squeezed his hand.

“I’m so sorry. I wish I could have been there for you.”

“Don’t be.” Azrael squeezed back. “I wasn’t alone. Lucifer was there. He comforted me. It was the first time he wasn’t shouting at me. After that he slowly warmed to me and well, I suppose if you have to spend all these years together you either become friends – or you kill each other.”

“I’m glad he didn’t kill you”, Raphael said with a wry smile.

Raphael sat before the house and watched Azrael and Cassiel play in the lake. Cassiel was screeching excitedly as Azrael grabbed him around the middle and threw him deeper into the lake. Raphael was glad they got along so well. He closed his eyes with a smile, just listening to the happy sounds from the lake and enjoying the sun. He hadn’t been sure if this holiday was a good idea. Work was a distraction from his grief, he had feared he’d drown in it out here with nothing to occupy himself with, but that hadn’t happened.

They made long walking tours through the forest and swam in the lake and in the evenings, when Cassiel was asleep, Azrael told him about Lucifer. It was a bittersweet pleasure. He couldn’t otherwise than wish he’d had more time with Lucifer and still... Raphael was also relieved that he hadn’t needed to decide. He loved Lucifer, but he didn’t know if he’d have had the strength to stand up to the other archangels.

“What are you thinking of?”

Azrael took the towel from the bench and rubbed it over his hair.

“That it’s well if you don’t tell me everything.”

Raphael smiled up at him. He wasn’t _sure_ but it would be naive not to suspect Azrael meeting with his former comrades whenever his guardian angel duties took him to the New World. Azrael blushed.

“Your son is killing me”, he groaned and sat down beside him, his skin was still wet. Raphael blame him for not admitting to anything. “Where does he take all this energy from?”

“I don’t know.” Raphael laughed softly.

“Sometimes I think, we make a poor exchange by growing up”, Azrael continued. “I’d like to be as unburdened again as Cassiel is – as I was in my own childhood. My death was horrible, but I wouldn’t want to miss the experience of having been a child.”

Raphael looked at him with surprise. Angels rarely mentioned their deaths to each other, it wasn’t thought polite, but he didn’t really mind.

“And I wouldn’t want to miss my life with you and my friendship with Lucifer either", Azrael continued. "I didn’t have that in my old life. The first Azrael hated Lucifer and while he respected you, he wouldn’t have sought you out as company.”

Raphael smiled at him. He knew, Azrael didn’t dare to call him ‘friend’ to his face. Their relationship had always been that of archangel and servant before.

“I’m happy to have you as my friend, too, Azrael”, he said, he knew it had to come from him. Azrael blushed deeply.

“Thank you”, he whispered. “That means a lot to me.”

Raphael leaned his head against Azraels and relaxed with a sigh. Things had changed – _they_ had changed – but they weren't on their own, they'd help each other in this life after Lucifer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of Part 2.
> 
> I wrote the whole of Black Wings quite a while ago and during translating it, I realised that I needed to rewrite a lot of Part 3 as I am no longer happy with some of it. It's more work than I anticipated at first, so I'll have to go on hiatus for a while. I'm planning to finish it in about a month and expect to be able to start posting Part 3, which will have the title 'Paradise Regained', at the beginning of November.


End file.
